Drunk Stories

TrogDawn wrote:

One time, I drank a fifth of vodka mixed with instant iced tea mix until I passed out...The End.

And two weeks later, I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort straight until I passed out...The End.

I took today off as a "mental health day".

Started downing vodka tonics about 2 hours ago.

Bobnoxious never sounded better!

I have plenty of those, along w/plenty of drug related stories. However I can not divulge any of them untill the book is released;

"Tales of Brave Dionysus"

The tale of Bobby Smith who fell down the same embankment twice in one night:

My back yard in West Virginia bordered a small creek (crick), however there was a 30 foot drop-off to the water (with no fence of course). We were having a typical drunken-metal-listening-herb-imbibing type of Friday night at the house. There was only one bathroom so being WV you just went out into the back yard to piss.

1. Bobby was not the sharpest tool in the shed (I'm being nice), he staggered out into the back yard to relieve himself. He got his wang out, took one step forward...and fell over the bank into the creek bed below. Nobody saw this, we heard about it later.

2. At some later point Bobby wakes up laying in the creek with his Johnson hanging out and starts climbing back up the bank (which was almost straight up). He gets ALMOST to the top, just enough to poke his head over and see the house. He grabs a small bush to pull himself up with...which of course breaks and sends him tumbling back down into the creek again.

3. We had gone out into the yard and called for him, but we assumed he had walked back to town. So we gave up.

4. Bobby wakes up again lying in the creek (I'm unsure whether his Johnson was out or not). Anyway, this time he makes it all the way back up. He walks to the house and tries to get in the back door...it's locked. He walks around the house and tries every door...they are all locked. We are all inside passed out, a nuclear explosion wouldn't wake us up.

5. Bruised and battered Bobby then has to walk 2 miles back to his house.

True Story!

detuned wrote:

The tale of Bobby Smith who fell down the same embankment twice in one night:

My back yard in West Virginia bordered a small creek (crick), however there was a 30 foot drop-off to the water (with no fence of course). We were having a typical drunken-metal-listening-herb-imbibing type of Friday night at the house. There was only one bathroom so being WV you just went out into the back yard to piss.

1. Bobby was not the sharpest tool in the shed (I'm being nice), he staggered out into the back yard to relieve himself. He got his wang out, took one step forward...and fell over the bank into the creek bed below. Nobody saw this, we heard about it later.

2. At some later point Bobby wakes up laying in the creek with his Johnson hanging out and starts climbing back up the bank (which was almost straight up). He gets ALMOST to the top, just enough to poke his head over and see the house. He grabs a small bush to pull himself up with...which of course breaks and sends him tumbling back down into the creek again.

3. We had gone out into the yard and called for him, but we assumed he had walked back to town. So we gave up.

4. Bobby wakes up again lying in the creek (I'm unsure whether his Johnson was out or not). Anyway, this time he makes it all the way back up. He walks to the house and tries to get in the back door...it's locked. He walks around the house and tries every door...they are all locked. We are all inside passed out, a nuclear explosion wouldn't wake us up.

5. Bruised and battered Bobby then has to walk 2 miles back to his house.

True Story!

awesome!!

How long ago was this?

Mglaffas81 wrote:

awesome!!

How long ago was this?

Around 1991 probably.

There are alot of "Bobby Smith" stories. Another time we were all sitting around getting small, Bobby had a big glass of iced tea. When he went to the bathroom we poured out his tea (leaving the ice cubes)...and replaced it with bong water.

BUMP



- This thread is hilarious, let's revive the fun!!

detuned wrote:

Mglaffas81 wrote:

awesome!!

How long ago was this?

Around 1991 probably.

There are alot of "Bobby Smith" stories. Another time we were all sitting around getting small, Bobby had a big glass of iced tea. When he went to the bathroom we poured out his tea (leaving the ice cubes)...and replaced it with bong water.

Ugh!

Anyone who's ever smelled bong water can never forget the smell. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, on the planet has the same cloying stink.

tohostudios wrote:

detuned wrote:

Mglaffas81 wrote:

awesome!!

How long ago was this?

Around 1991 probably.

There are alot of "Bobby Smith" stories. Another time we were all sitting around getting small, Bobby had a big glass of iced tea. When he went to the bathroom we poured out his tea (leaving the ice cubes)...and replaced it with bong water.

Ugh!

Anyone who's ever smelled bong water can never forget the smell. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, on the planet has the same cloying stink.

Funny story about bong water coming up....

One time at a school lunch hour me and a few friends went to a guys house that my buddy dustin knew who had a bong. We got started, and a guy named dougie who was with us(who had been drinking also), left the room for awhile so somebody drained the bong water, than pissed in it before he came back. We convinced him to go, he hit it two or three times before he noticed...haha.

I once smoked out of a bong that was filled with gin instead of water. Made the smoke taste reeeeeeaaaaallllly weird.

When we were done our party host actually drank the gin. I couldn't believe my eyes.

There was a keg party in Alta Dena, a lil town in the foothills of Mt. Baldy just above Rancho Cucamunga. Southern California in the late 70's was an aspiring rockstar and romeo's delight indeed.

Anyways, my eyes were bigger than the rest of me. I caught an eyeful of a green eyed red head and a 1/5 of vodka. Since we had just finished playing, I figured a lil fun wouldn't hurt anything. I wasn't much experienced with either girls or drinking. I recall some kissing and some groping, a bottle of vodka disappearing really, really fast a few hours later when the sun came up, I awoke with postules all over. I had passed out on an anthill wearing just a pair of huck finns .
I laugh to this very day.... Began by hitting on a red head and ended up getting bitten by red army ants. The perils of a young teen trying to grow up way too fast.

James B. wrote:

There was a keg party in Alta Dena, a lil town in the foothills of Mt. Baldy just above Rancho Cucamunga. Southern California in the late 70's was an aspiring rockstar and romeo's delight indeed.

Anyways, my eyes were bigger than the rest of me. I caught an eyeful of a green eyed red head and a 1/5 of vodka. Since we had just finished playing, I figured a lil fun wouldn't hurt anything. I wasn't much experienced with either girls or drinking. I recall some kissing and some groping, a bottle of vodka disappearing really, really fast a few hours later when the sun came up, I awoke with postules all over. I had passed out on an anthill wearing just a pair of huck finns .
I laugh to this very day.... Began by hitting on a red head and ended up getting bitten by red army ants. The perils of a young teen trying to grow up way too fast.

HAHA - Ahhhhh, to be young!


Great story, James B!

The last time I got drunk as hell was at a Halloween party & I was so drunk I was requesting Sexy Back from the DJ.

God Help me.

Wicked Rick wrote:

The last time I got drunk as hell was at a Halloween party & I was so drunk I was requesting Sexy Back from the DJ.

God Help me.

Oh, god......that's bad!!

BUMP

Come on guys, make my day!

once i was so called i called one of my best friends a slag and that she would be a teenage mother. i was so embarrased the next day cos i truely did not believe in my statements. in the end i had to buy her a kfc to repent

I remember a friend of mine was amusingly drunk at this party we went to a few years ago. For some reason he thought it'd be a good idea to open his bottle of beer by smashing it against a stair. He did so. Except, it wasn't a stair - it was someone's foot. Smoooooth.

Less hilarious, just slightly more gross. I went out with a couple of friends and a few friends of friends a few weeks ago. We went to this Bavarian beer house and basically got wrecked on big steiners of amazing beer. Then we did a couple of shots of jager and one of these acquaintances goes off to the bathroom. Then someone looks at his half empty glass and enquires "...why are there chunks in it?" Somehow, he had managed to throw up in his pint glass without anyone noticing. It was disgusting and borderline impressive in equal measure. As a joke, when he came back, we told him he had to down it. We didn't think he'd actually start downing it, we had to stop him.

In retrospect, that guy was pretty weird.

On the last night of my freshman year of college those of us who were still around went to this off campus party. After a solid night of partying we were all hanging out on the front porch when I notice across the street is all this construction equipment parked in a lot. I run over get on some of it and then realize there is a telephone pole I can climb. Despite how stupid this was I climb to the top and perch up there in all my drunken glory. I then see that one of the trucks has a payload of sand. So I act like I slip and dive into the sand. It wasn't much of a fall but as I landed the only thing that can be heard are blood-curdling screams from the porch. Seems the way all the equipment was angled it appeared I had fallen to the ground and not into the truck. I even got freaked at how it had freaked everyone out.

This was also the same night that I had ditched my girlfriend for this other girl who then ditched me for her drug contact. Fun times.

Though this really involves more weed than alcohol, when I was about 17 I got so completely stoned out of mind I was convinced I could make solid matter pass through other solid matter, so I proceeded to climb upon my garage roof and drop a watermelon on his car. Needless to say it didnt work, but how often do you see a melon go through a buick regal?

DeathCult wrote:

Though this really involves more weed than alcohol, when I was about 17 I got so completely stoned out of mind I was convinced I could make solid matter pass through other solid matter, so I proceeded to climb upon my garage roof and drop a watermelon on his car. Needless to say it didnt work, but how often do you see a melon go through a buick regal?

After a Maiden Concert -where btw played 5 bands before them- slightly hungover from the night before, no food in my stomach and extremely tired, me and the rest of the group had only one thing in mind: MARGARITAS! so, went to the hotel, had a few, got drunk, next thing I know: me and my buddy were being kicked out from the hotel for "bad behavior" in the elevator!

BUMP

Came home from a party this morning. I don't remember the last half hour of the night, but I just woke up seeing my girlfriend puke in a bucket - I noticed something different....I was wearing her skirt. That was the only thing I was wearing - Apparently I had taken it on, and not wanting to give it back. I then got it as an extra Christmas present

Man, I have plenty of these! The only one I can come up with at the
moment is when I broke up a fight (stone drunk ofcorpse), screaming
that they shouldn't fight... but instead listen to Journey "COS THEY'RE
THE BEST BAND EVEEEER". Then I almost got in a fight with a 100 pound
emo wimp (who said he could take me down... HA!), and after that I went
to my buddy's flat and puked in his shower.

BUMP!

I remember some years ago, where me and some buddies were going to a local fair - we had been drinking since 3 pm, and drank all day at the fair - when we went home at about 3 am, I was determined to ride one of my buddies' bike - it went fine, until I wanted to bike up on the sidewalk - I approached it slowly, but when the tire hit the little "bump" (VERY slowly), I apparently thought, in my very drunken state, that I was falling and threw myself off the bike, falling onto the ground, scratching my face and fingers, making it bleed quite a lot - it left quite an impressive mark on my face and hands the next day

it was nice starting the drinking day upon waking at like 5AM with the best girlfriend ive ever had on a nonmarriage honeymoon. drunk, messy, memorable times.

also, even more appropriate to the message board, when i was last seeing exodus, rob told of how a member of tourmates malevolent creation crapped his pants because of a sneeze out of utter inebriation.