Drunk Stories

I am sure some of you guys, especially the older farts around here have some funny drunk stories to tell. Fat Freddy, you must have some college stories from being strung out on Coor's


Anyway, here's mine

I was on holidays with some buds of mine on the beautiful greek Island of Korfu - I slept in a mobile home with a bud and our other friend slept in a second mobile home with his girlfriend - It was our first night out on the Island, and we met some other cool danes at a bar alongside the beach. We quickly became friends and lots of beer and laughter followed. We were having a great time, and when I stood up to go take a leak, I could really feel that i'd had a couple. So, it's about 3 a.m. and the bar is closing - We are all quite drunk and start walsing our way home, quite happy - But first we of course had to swim in the closed pool - So we took off all our clothes and ran for the pool....first, I fell over the chains along the entrance, then crawled down in the pool - We got up again after 5 minutes and went to get our clothes.....

It's morning, and I wake up....but I am in a bed - Turns out that I had taken all my friend's clothes and gone home with the girl - My friend woke up a couple of minutes after on a plastic chair outside, completely naked and covered with mosquito bites

When i was 23 i drank a bottle of Jim Beam and went to bed sick to my stomach. The End.

On one of my college binges, we were drinking off campus (booze was forbidden on campus) and somehow, I ended up wandering around in a cornfield. I eventually found my way back to my dorm. The next morning when I woke up, I had several ears of corn stuffed in my bed.

I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Maybe I thought I'd never find my dorm so I needed to store some food.

My roommate laughed his butt off...

tohostudios wrote:

On one of my college binges, we were drinking off campus (booze was forbidden on campus) and somehow, I ended up wandering around in a cornfield. I eventually found my way back to my dorm. The next morning when I woke up, I had several ears of corn stuffed in my bed.

I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Maybe I thought I'd never find my dorm so I needed to store some food.

My roommate laughed his butt off...

...and here I thought you were gonna say you were cornholed.

SpectreFate wrote:

tohostudios wrote:

On one of my college binges, we were drinking off campus (booze was forbidden on campus) and somehow, I ended up wandering around in a cornfield. I eventually found my way back to my dorm. The next morning when I woke up, I had several ears of corn stuffed in my bed.

I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Maybe I thought I'd never find my dorm so I needed to store some food.

My roommate laughed his butt off...

...and here I thought you were gonna say you were cornholed.

I was wondering if he saw the "children"

All I remember is wandering around in a cornfield with cornstalks way over my head.

It's funny now but at the time, I remember being scared out of what few wits I had left.

It's truly a miracle (Thank you God!) that I survived my college days.

I have a million wild stories.

Including parachuting mice in a chapel.

When I was ten I drank a can of beer while my parents were away and I puked on my cat.

The end.

Schbopo wrote:

When I was ten I drank a can of beer while my parents were away and I puked on my cat.

The end.

I can top that.

And I wasn't even drunk at the time.

I was taking a piss and Tux was in one of his "I want to play" moods.

As I'm standing there taking a leak, Tux (as a kitten) tried to bat at the stream and promptly got pee'd on.

To this day, when I'm taking a leak, Tux is nowhere near the bathroom.

tohostudios wrote:

I can top that.

And I wasn't even drunk at the time.

I was taking a piss and Tux was in one of his "I want to play" moods.

As I'm standing there taking a leak, Tux (as a kitten) tried to bat at the stream and promptly got pee'd on.

To this day, when I'm taking a leak, Tux is nowhere near the bathroom.

What is it about cats and the toilet? When my wife and I got a new kitten years back (to give our older cat some company), I got up in the middle of the night to take a leak, and the damn thing ran right between my feet and PLOP jumped right into the toilet bowl while I was cuttin' loose with the yellow juice. Of course, as soon as she hit the water she jumped right back out again and started tearing around the apartment, soaking wet with toilet water and pee, at about fifty miles an hour. Mind you this is somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 or 3 AM. My wife got outta bed to find me half asleep, chasing the cat in circles around the apartment, trying to catch her so I could wash her off. When she tried to grab the cat I yelled "Don't touch her! She got pee'd on!" and she sez "Ooookay, you're on your own," and went back to bed. I finally got hold of the wet, ANGRY cat and stuck her under the bathtub faucet to rinse her off. That was over a decade ago but to this day we still make sure the toilet lids are always DOWN when they're not in use, and I make sure the door is closed all the way behind me when I go to take a leak...

And as for a drunk story...

When my buddy and I were pledging Phi Mu Alpha fraternity in our freshman year of college, a couple of the older bro's took us to a bar/restaurant one night "for a few drinks" after a pledge meeting, and just kept shoving pitchers of beer in front of us all evening long. The glasses they gave us to drink from were tiny so it was like constantly doing shots of beer. I have no idea how many pitchers we devastated, but we were there for several hours and by the time we left my friend and I were both completely legless. The brother who was driving us back to campus told us to go outside and wait by his car while he paid the bill. So we stumbled outside and were sitting on the curb next to the (locked) car waiting for him to come out. Suddenly and without warning I bazooka-barfed right there in the gutter next to this guy's car. As soon as the smell reached my buddy who was sitting next to me he ALSO hurled into the gutter. At this point I turned around and realized that we were sitting right in front of the huge picture window of the restaurant's dining room, so everyone in that room had obviously just seen our double-hurl. We realized that we'd just ruined God knows how many people's
nice dinners, and that thought was EXTREMELY funny to us in this frame of mind, so we just started laughing our asses off. When the brother finally came out of the bar, he took one look at the hurl puddles and at the two of us convulsing on the sidewalk in fits of hysterical laughter, all he could say was "Jeeeeeezus, look at you guys, you're f**king PATHETIC!"

They let us into the fraternity anyway!

On my 23rd Birthday, my friends took me to a sushi restaurant where they got me drunk on sake, beer, whiskey, vodka, brandy, you name it, they gave it to me (I'm still amazed I didn't get poisoned). After all the drinking, the girls took me into their bathroom and had every girl that walked in to slap my ass silly (none of which I remember at all). The following day I woke up with purple butt cheeks.

There was a TV commercial (public service message) a few years ago which I think was a warning about drinking. In the commercial a guy wakes up and finds out that the night before he had asked this totally goofy girl to move in with him while he was drunk. This actually happened to me at a friend of mine's wedding reception once. I got plastered and ended up with one of the bride's lunatic friends. It took me six months to get rid of her. And she did paint my kitchen pink just like in the commercial. Honest to god.
Can anybody find that commercial (I'd say it was from the early 2000's) on YouTube?

tohostudios wrote:

It's truly a miracle (Thank you God!) that I survived my college days.

I have a million wild stories.

Including parachuting mice in a chapel.

Great story, Toho! MORE!!

I went to a church-affiliated college so we had required chapel attendance every morning. My first 2 years, I was in pre-med and hung out with other pre-med guys. We studied hard and played harder. We were always pulling pranks on campus.

One night, we got a brainstorm. My roommate was going to be in the sound room for chapel services the next day. In the sound room was a ceiling hatch that led to the catwalks in the roof of the chapel. Being pre-med students, we had access to lab mice.

You can see where this is going...

We took about a dozen mice from the lab, tore up a bed sheet and made little "parachutes" which we tied around the middle of each mouse. The next morning, we snuck up into the sound room with my roommate and went up on the catwalk with the mice. We waited until after the first hymn until everyone was seated. Then we started dropping the mice. Unfortunately, some of the chutes didn't deploy correctly so some of the mice more or less plummetted down on the people.

You can only imagine the chaos.

And we never got caught.

tohostudios wrote:

On one of my college binges, we were drinking off campus (booze was forbidden on campus) and somehow, I ended up wandering around in a cornfield. I eventually found my way back to my dorm. The next morning when I woke up, I had several ears of corn stuffed in my bed.

I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Maybe I thought I'd never find my dorm so I needed to store some food.

My roommate laughed his butt off...

LMAO

There is not enough web-space. Read the book when eyesore gets around to writing it.

The CD release party for the first Queens Of The Stone Age album (at the OK Hotel in Seattle). There was a hosted bar (warning!) I got so completely trashed I ended up passing out in the back seat of Josh Homme's car...at least I didn't puke in it. He helped me out and called me a cab, was very cool about the whole thing.

I felt like a complete idiot for weeks afterward...actually, I still feel that way.

I got drunk once and yelled profanities at the guy from Hardcastle & McCormick. Not the old judge, but the younger guy. McCormick I think it was. He was at a bar-b-que of friend of mine.

MetalGuy71 wrote:

I got drunk once and yelled profanities at the guy from Hardcastle & McCormick. Not the old judge, but the younger guy. McCormick I think it was. He was at a bar-b-que of friend of mine.

He deserved it. With that full head of hair and chick magnet kit car. That fuckin bastard!

SpectreFate wrote:

MetalGuy71 wrote:

I got drunk once and yelled profanities at the guy from Hardcastle & McCormick. Not the old judge, but the younger guy. McCormick I think it was. He was at a bar-b-que of friend of mine.

He deserved it. With that full head of hair and chick magnet kit car. That fuckin bastard!

That's what I thought too. Who's he to tell me that I had enough to drink, with his tv star good looks and sweet ride.

MetalGuy71 wrote:

I got drunk once and yelled profanities at the guy from Hardcastle & McCormick. Not the old judge, but the younger guy. McCormick I think it was. He was at a bar-b-que of friend of mine.

God, Hardcastle & McCormich!!! AH, the 80's...gotta love 'em. What kind of car did the young guy drive? I just remember it was red, and it was like a Delorean ??? This show was kind of like the poor man's Matt Houston. Do you remember that one?

Honestly, I never saw the show. This was in the early 90's and that show was long over. He was directing commericals at the time. I was slugging back Jack Daniels like it was water. As my friends were carrying me out, he asked if they needed help and I started to spout off. From what I understand, he was pretty cool about the whole thing and laughed it off.

Got another one:

For a year or two during my single, drunk-n-depressed post-college haze phase I spent a lot of time hanging out at a go-go bar called Satin Dolls in Lodi, NJ (some of you may know it as the "Bada Bing" club from The Sopranos, but I hung out there way before it became famous). One night my buddy and I went there to celebrate his getting a new big-money payin' job. We devastated the place's beer supply, tipped every dancer that came within 20 feet of us and basically made drunken spectacles of ourselves for the entire night. Finally we were out of money and I was literally falling off of my bar stool so it was time to go. As I was putting on my jacket one of the barmaids tapped me on the shoulder and sez "Excuse me, sir, was there something wrong with the service tonight?" Drunk and confused, I sez "Um...no, not really. Why?" and she sez "Because you two have been tipping the dancers all night but you didn't leave anything for the bar staff. Would that be too much trouble for you?"

Looking back, I admit now that she probably had a point, but as I said I was drunk as a skunk and her snotty tone of voice did something to set me off so I yelled back, loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear, "YOU WANT A F*CKIN TIP? THEN GET UP ON THAT F*CKIN STAGE AND WAVE YOUR F*CKIN T**TS IN MY FACE, OTHERWISE, GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE!" (My friend, by the way, was mortified at this sudden 180-degree turn in my personality and was watching in shocked disbelief, along with half of the patrons in the bar.) While I was ranting and raving at this chick she started snapping her fingers and pointing at me, next thing I know there are two huge Tony Soprano leg-breaker looking security dudes standing on each side of me and one sez "I think it's time for you to leave, buddy." When I got a look at these dinosaurs I sobered up right quick and sez "Don't worry, I'm a gittin'."

I didn't go back to that bar for over a year because I was afraid that same barmaid would be in there and she'd spit in all of my beers. Oh, and I had a headache to end all headaches when I woke up the next morning. Served me right, I suppose.