TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies. TV) 2022

Who Invited Them (2022)



A couple moves into the Hollywood Hills and has a house warming party. After the party ends, another couple, who are strangers to the homeowners, linger and explain that they are the neighbors who originally came over to complain about some damage to their yard but instead decided to crash the party. As the night goes on and the couples begin to get acquainted, things slowly get more ominous and it would appear that the party crashers have a more sinister motive to their actions. A decent if rather predictable thriller.

She-Hulk : Attorney At Law

"Friday The 13th: Vengeance" (aka "Vengeance," 2019)

An impressive feature length Friday The 13th fan film that picks up after the events of "Part VI: Jason Lives." The estranged daughters of Tommy Jarvis end up being pulled into their father's ongoing battle with Jason Voorhees, and Jason's long lost father has resurfaced with a deadly mission of his own. Naturally, this leads to a whole lot of bloody ultra-violence.
A lot of fan films are cheap crap, but this one obviously had a budget and was made by people with actual film making skill - it could almost pass for a legit "F13" entry. A sequel, Vengeance Part 2: Bloodlines, is due to premiere on YouTube this month, I'll be watching for it.

Intruder (1989)



An overnight crew of a supermarket is stalked and murdered one by one by an unknown assailant in this rather standard slasher film. It covers all the tropes of the genre but it is a decent enough film, with some impressive gore and livened up by cameos from Bruce Campbell, Green Acres' Alvy Moore and Tom Lester and Emil "Hold hands,you lovebirds" Sitka.

Various sets from the Keep It True festival on YouTube.

Sole Survivor (1984)



A tv station worker is the guilt ridden survivor of a plane crash. She starts seeing people observing her and slowly starting to stalk her, all the while being warned by a seemingly psychic actress. Her doctor boyfriend, skeptical at first, begins to believe her as starts investigating on what's going on. A pretty decent film that keeps you guessing a bit on what is actually happening. I thought they were going for a Carnival Of Souls vibe but that's not quite it.

It's spooky seasons so you know what that means... it's SCHLOCK-TOBER baby!

Till today, my Tober hasn't been very schlocky -- I had no time to watch movies so far this month.  The weather was crappy today, though, so I was able to log three entries and make up for some lost time...

"Cannibal Apocalypse" (aka "Invasion of the Flesh Hunters" and "Cannibals In The Streets," 1980)

Three soldiers return from Vietnam with bad cases of PTSD and a mysterious virus that eventually turns them into crazed flesh eaters. This bizarre Italian action/horror blend feels like they started out making a serious drama about the mental struggles facing Vietnam vets, and then halfway through they said "Mmm, needs more cannibalism," because then it turns into "The Deer Hunter" and "Dawn of the Dead" in a blender. It may not make a hell of a lot of sense, but "Cannibal Apocalypse" is never boring, thanks to the solid performance by the always dependable John Saxon, who as usual gives it his all despite the absolutely ridiculous goings-on.

"Frankenhooker" (1990)

Frank "Basket Case" Henenlotter directed this sleazy horror comedy about a New Jersey electrician and part-time mad scientist whose fiancee dies in a tragic lawn mower accident, so he reassembles her using body parts of dead prostitutes. Yes, that's the whole plot. Silly, gory, funny junk. Gore hounds with long memories may remember the gimmicky VHS box for this flick, which yelled "WANNA DATE?" if you pushed a button on the front. Good times!

"Saturn 3" (1980)

A pair of scientists (Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett) stationed on one of Saturn's moons get an unexpected visitor from Earth (Harvey Keitel) and his pet robot - both of whom quickly develop an unhealthy obsession with Farrah. This bland "Alien" knock-off has some cool set designs, passable special effects, and a really bad-ass looking robot, but the story just plods along. But hey, at least you get to see Farrah's bare boob for about two seconds, which was this movie's major selling point for ten year old me when it first hit HBO back in the day.

A great documentary about Ronnie James Dio.

Required Fields wrote:

A great documentary about Ronnie James Dio.

Are you sure it's not a biopic?

Never Hike Alone

"Krull" (1983)

A prince (Ken Marshall) assembles a rag tag force of thieves and oddballs to help him rescue his queen-to-be (Lysette Anthony) from a malevolent alien force known as "The Beast" before it takes over his planet.
This splashy, oh-so-British blend of Arthurian fantasy epic and "Star Wars" style sci-fi was released in the same summer as Return of the Jedi, which obviously crushed it at the box office. Krull isn't terrible, but it's not very exciting either. There's a lot of cool/weird set designs, occasionally klutzy special effects, and early career appearances by the likes of Robbie Coltrane and Liam Neeson. Apparently Krull has garnered a cult following over the years, but I doubt I'll ever feel an urge to re-watch it.

Mosquito (1995)



Low budget monster movie about a ufo crash landing in a swamp and the indigenous mosquitos feed on the alien corpse, causing them to become giant and extremely ravenous. It's up to a disparate group of people (including Gunnar Hansen!) to try and put an end to the swarm. Like I said , cheaply made with poor special effects and so-so acting, but I was entertained by it.

Schlock-Tober entry #4:

"The Shed" (2019)

An orphaned teenager, subjected to daily abuse by his grandfather and a group of school bullies, learns life can get even more complicated when a vampire gets trapped in an old shed on his property and devours anybody who gets too close. His best friend thinks this is a great opportunity to get rid of the kids who torment them -- just feed them to the beast in the shed! -- but our hero's conscience eventually wins out and he attempts to do away with the monster instead.
A surprisingly entertaining low budget horror dramedy that makes the most of its small number of locations and its thin premise. Cheap, gory fun.

House Of The Dragon

She-Hulk : Attorney At Law

Seconds (1966)



A middle aged banker, bored with his mundane life, learns from his presumed dead friend about a company that can give you the opportunity to start a new life, faking your death and changing your appearance and voice through surgery. The banker decides to go through with it and soon discovers that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. An interesting sci-fi psychological horror flick with John Randolph as the banker and Rock Hudson as his new identity.

"Vengeance 2: Bloodlines" (2022)

Follow up to 2019's highly successful Friday The 13th fan film picks up right where the last movie left off, with the father-and-son team of Elias Voorhees (C.J. Graham) and Jason continuing their mission to destroy the Jarvis family... and anyone else who's unlucky enough to get in their way.
"Vengeance 2" is a nice piece of work, easily on par with a "real" F13 movie. It's impressively shot and acted, with numerous in-jokes and call backs to previous F13 flicks, and of course, plenty of ultra-violent, gross-out blood and guts death scenes (if this were a legit entry in the F13 saga it would probably set a body-count record for the series). Plus, a random appearance by Richie Ramone in a small but pivotal role!
Vengeance 2 should keep Jason junkies happy till whenever the "real" franchise gets its shit together again...

Episodes of Match Game PM and Night Court

Schlock-Tober continues:

"Return Of The Killer Tomatoes!" (1988)

Ten years after the Great Tomato War, a mad scientist (John "Addams Family" Astin) has discovered a way to transform ordinary tomatoes into humans by mixing them with toxic waste. He plans to make own private army to take over the world, but luckily there's a dorky pizza delivery guy, his roommate (George frickin' Clooney!), and a hot chick ready to stop his evil plot!
... this sequel to the 1978 stupid-on-purpose cult monster movie spoof is even stupider and more random than the original, which is really sayin' something. The movie is loaded with ultra cheap special effects, over-the-top, mugging acting, frequent fourth wall breaks, and dorky humor straight out of MAD magazine. I hate to admit it, but my inner 12 year old was entertained. I wonder how George Clooney looks back on this flick nowadays?
Followed by two more sequels and a short lived animated series!

I'm pretty sure George Clooney looks back on it better than Batman & Robin, at least.

The Walking Dead

"Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings"(2021)

A martial artist hiding from his past in San Francisco is called back to his homeland by his super powered, crime lord father, and ends up getting caught up in the battle between his family's ancient warrior clan and an inter-dimensional evil bent on taking over our world. In other words, just another day in the Marvel Universe.  
I wasn't sure how much I would dig this epic blend of martial-arts mayhem and CGI fantasy, because even at the height of my comic collecting phase I never owned a single "Shang-Chi" issue, but the stunt work is tons of fun to watch, the effects are top notch (of course) and the two leads (Simu Liu as Shang and comedian Awkwafina as his girlfriend/sidekick) temper their performances with healthy doses of snarky humor.
Like many Marvel flicks, this one ends up dragging on a bit longer than necessary, but otherwise it was better than I expected.

The Supernatural spinoff/prequel, the Winchesters

Schlock-tober continues!

"Demonoid" (1981)

A mining operation in Mexico uncovers a long-buried temple, belonging to a cult that worshipped a demonically possessed, severed "Devil's Hand." When a man accidentally frees the five fingered menace from its crypt (and pays the deadly price) his wife teams up with a Catholic priest to figure out a way to stop the crawling evil before it makes her its next victim.
This totally absurd, low budget Mexican horror flick was a "USA Up All Night" favorite -- the cheap special effects (especially the scenes of the severed hand creeping around like a spider, attacking people), turned it into an unintentional comedy pretty quickly. A few halfway decent gory bits and some gratuitous T&A round out this wonderfully cheesy slice of Schlock-tober entertainment. Turn off your brain, have a few beers, and enjoy.

More Schlock-Tober!

"Zombie 4: After Death" (aka "After Death," aka "Zombie Flesh Eaters 3," 1989)

Boat travelers experience mechanical difficulties and end up trapped on an island full of flesh eating ghouls, raised by a voodoo priest. Sooooo...yeah, basically, they wander around in circles spouting inane dialogue and getting attacked by zombies for 90 minutes. All gory, no story.
Cheap, plotless Italian/Philippine nonsense directed by Claudio "Troll 2" Fragasso. Skip it.

House Of The Dragon