TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies. TV) 2022

Varan The Unbelievable (1962)



Heavily edited Americanized version of an earlier Toho movie about a prehistoric monster awakened from it's slumber at the bottom of a salt water lake. Much like the far better Godzilla, King Of The Monsters, the producers added in American actors that supposedly interact with the original Japanese actors and purportedly only used 15 minutes of original footage. The monster (played by original Godzilla suit actor Haruo Nakajima) later briefly appeared in Destroy All Monsters.

"GG Allin: All In The Family" (aka "The Allins," 2017)

Documentary reflecting on the legacy of nihilist punk rocker GG Allin and the effect that his short life and ugly death have had on his family. While GG's brother Merle keeps his brother's name and music alive by continuing to record & tour with the Murder Junkies, his mother Arleta prefers to remember GG as "Kevin," the little boy he once was, not as the ultra-violent, feces-flinging, psycho "rock n roll terrorist." Strangely poignant and unexpectedly sad in places. I preferred this one over "Hated," the better known GG doc by Todd "Joker" Philips. Well done.

"Until The Light Takes Us" (2009)

An examination of the early '90s Norwegian black metal scene and the series of church arsons, murders, and other crimes associated with it. Told via interviews with the scene's major playas like Faust of Emperor, Fenriz of Darkthrone, Hellhammer of Mayhem, and even Varg "Count Grishnnakh" Vikernes himself (who's interviewed from his prison cell). A bit meandering but a mostly intriguing doc about one of metal's weirdest eras.

The Walking Dead series finale

Deadguy : Killing Music.

Documentary on the underground Jersey hardcore band. Their start, tours, their split and 2021 reformation.

Masters of Horror: Deer Woman-a jaded police detective becomes involved in a case where men are being brutally murdered during a state of arousal. He begins to suspect that a Native American legend, a half woman/half deer creature might be behind the deaths. Directed by John Landis(An American Werewolf in London) and co-written by him and his son Max Landis, this horror/comedy is one of the better offerings from the MOH series, I think. The ending is a little too abrupt and could have been a little stronger, but overall, it's a good entry in the series. 2.5/5

Planes Trains And Automobiles (1987)



Two polar opposite businessmen are attempting to get from New York City to Chicago in time for the Thanksgiving holiday, but a number of mishaps, including bad weather and broken down vehicles, may prevent that from happening. Very enjoyable film (dare I say a classic) starring Steve Martin and the late great John Candy as the two travelers.

Smackdown

The Island At The Top Of The World (1974)



In the early 1900s, an expedition to the Arctic Circle , in search of a missing man, discovers a lost civilization in a verdant land amidst the ice and snow. A rather light hearted Disney adventure, about what you would expect from the studio.

"Purple Rain" (1984)

A rock musician (Prince) tries to keep his band together while dealing with his abusive father, his budding romance with the new girl in town (Apollonia) and competition from newer rival acts gunning for his nightly slot at a local club.
Prince's film debut/vanity project is essentially a feature length music video -- it doesn't have much plot, and the acting is negligible. However, the concert sequences are cool as hell (especially the rockin' rendition of "Let's Go Crazy" that opens the movie), and Apollonia is serious eye candy. This was my first time ever seeing "Purple Rain," which I guess is odd for a child of the '80s. I doubt I'll ever watch it again, but I didn't feel like I'd wasted my time, and now I can cross it off the list. Your mileage may vary depending on your level of Prince fan-hood.

"12 Monkeys" (1995)

A time traveler (Bruce Willis) from the post-apocalyptic future is sent back to the 1990s to figure out the source of a virus that will eventually kill 99 percent of the human population. Naturally, the authorities in the 90s just think he's crazy and lock him up in an institution, till a doctor finds his story plausible enough to help him in his quest.
Terry Gilliam of "Monty Python" fame directed this bleak, dystopian sci-fi/action flick with great performances from Willis and Madeline Stowe as the doctor/love interest. Watch for a young Brad Pitt in a supporting role as one of Willis' fellow asylum inmates.

"Darkman" (1990)

A decade before he took on "Spider-Man," Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi directed this slick superhero flick based on his own character creation, who's kinda like a cross between Batman, The Shadow, and the Phantom of the Opera. After he's horribly disfigured by mobsters, a doctor (Liam Neeson) embarks on a mission of vengeance against the men who destroyed his life. Fast paced, action packed stuff with a pinch of horror. An underrated flick that spawned two direct-to-video sequels.

"Darkman II: The Return of Durant" (1994)

In the first of two direct-to-video sequels to Sam Raimi's cult anti-hero hit, Darkman (now played by Arnold Vosloo, taking over from Liam Neeson) faces off against the villainous Durant (Larry Drake, the only returning cast member from the O.G.) who inexplicably survived his fiery "death" in the first film and has emerged from a coma intent on taking over the city's illegal arms business. As you might expect, lots of stuff gets punched, crashes, and blows up real good. Basically, this is a "Batman" flick with a bigger mean streak. Better than expected for a DTV flick.

"Darkman III: Die Darkman Die" (1996)

Darkman has a new foe in this second sequel, which is a noticeable step down from the previous pair. This time a crazed business man (Jeff Fahey) wants to capture the anti-hero and learn the secrets of his remarkable strength. It's a pretty straightforward (if cheap looking) action flick for most of its run time, except for the weird sub plot where Darkman suddenly develops a soft spot for the villain's wife and young daughter (!). As villains go, I preferred Larry Drake's quietly menacind "Durant" over Fahey's bug eyed, vaguely annoying scenery chewing "Rooker,"
...but if you liked the previous "Darkman" movies, you might as well sit thru this one too, just to run the table on this franchise...

"Village of the Damned" (1995)

A mysterious shadow passes over a small California town, causing a mass blackout ... and a rash of sudden, unexplained pregnancies among the women folk. When the offspring are born, it soon becomes clear that the kiddos share a hive mind, possess unusual psychic powers, and have a serious mean streak. As if parenting wasn't hard enough already...
John Carpenter's remake of the 1960 British film tanked at the box office (and Carpenter himself apparently hates it), but I thought it was pretty cool. It's got a great cast incl. Christopher Reeve (it was his last film before the riding accident that paralyzed him), Mark Hamill, and Kirstie Alley, and lots of moody atmosphere. Worth re-visiting.  

"Duel" (1971)

After an incident on the highway with a large trailer truck, a motorist (Dennis Weaver) finds himself being pursued through the back roads of the California desert by the crazed, unseen truck driver, who appears intent on finishing him off.
A young Steven Spielberg directed this cool, made-for-TV cat-and-mouse suspense thriller with lots of fancy stunt driving. I've seen bits and pieces of this movie over the years but I think this is the first time I've ever seen it in its entirety. Cool stuff for fans of '70s automotive mayhem.

Monday Night Raw
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Leatherface wrote:

Masters of Horror: Deer Woman-a jaded police detective becomes involved in a case where men are being brutally murdered during a state of arousal.  He begins to suspect that a Native American legend, a half woman/half deer creature might be behind the deaths.  Directed by John Landis(An American Werewolf in London) and co-written by him and his son Max Landis, this horror/comedy is one of the better offerings from the MOH series, I think.  The ending is a little too abrupt and could have been a little stronger, but overall, it's a good entry in the series. 2.5/5

Watched that episode last night, along with the subsequent episode "Cigarette Burns" starring Norman Reedus from the Walking Dead.

"Linda Lovelace For President" (1975)

A consortium of political outsiders select the "Deep Throat" starlet, playing herself in her lone attempt at "mainstream" acting, as their Presidential candidate. When Linda and her campaign team embark on a get-out-the-vote bus tour across the country (which of course leads to lots of wacky hi-jinks, bad double entendre jokes and of course, frequent nudity), she becomes so popular that the two major political parties are forced to put their differences aside and hire an inept assassin to take her out. Yes, really.
...I'd never heard of this movie, so when it turned up on Tubi it was simply too "what the f**k?" for me to resist pressing "play." The leading lady tries her best, but this cheap, campy sex comedy is eye rollingly corny, full of cheap gags and terrible, mugging acting by nearly everyone involved. It's like a bad '70s TV sitcom with a dirty mind. This might have raised a few eyebrows in 1975, but modern viewers will find it silly and tedious.

If I Leave Here Tomorrow: A Film About Lynyrd Skynyrd

Classic Concentration
Match Game

Episodes of Three's Company

Smackdown

Gamera:Guardian Of The Universe (1995)




30th anniversary reboot of the other giant monster series from Japan, the flying turtle Gamera. His origin now is that of a genetically created creature from an ancient civilization as a protector against previously created, far more dangerous genetic entities known as Gyaos. The special effects in this, though not up to Hollywood standards, is still far better than the effects done by Toho during the Hesei series (1985-1995).

A double feature of Italian schlock directed by my man Luigi Cozzi, aka "Lewis Coates"

"Contamination" (aka "Alien Contamination," 1980)

A cargo ship drifts into New York Harbor with a dead crew and a hold full of weird alien eggs which make people explode when they touch them. A New York cop, a disgraced astronaut, and a government scientist follow the trail back to the eggs' source, a South American coffee plantation (?) that's been taken over by aliens in order to spread their spores around the world.
This earth-bound "Alien" variant doesn't make much sense and it drags a bit in the middle, but the first half and the last fifteen minutes make it worth sitting through the stilted dialogue and ultra cheesy gore. Dumb fun.

"StarCrash"(1979)

Sexy space pirate Stella Starr (former Bond Girl and Hammer Horror babe Caroline Munro) battles the minions of the evil Zarth Arn (a hilariously miscast Joe "Maniac" Spinell) while trying to rescue a lost prince (David freakin' Hasselhoff!) in this deliriously cool sci-fi mish mash bolted together from bits stolen from "Star Wars," "Barbarella," "Flash Gordon," "Planet of the Apes," and "Invaders From Mars," just to name a few. This movie was my introduction to the wild, wacky world of European "B" grade exploitation flicks when I was a kid, and it's been a sentimental favorite ever since. It's terrible, but in a totally awesome way!

Triumph Rock 'N Roll Machine. Great documentary on the Canadian hard rock legends.

"The Happytime Murders" (2018)

Set in a world where humans live alongside Muppet-style characters, a human cop (Melissa McCarthy) and her cloth-covered partner investigate a series of murders connected to the cast of a vintage puppet TV show.
Falling somewhere between "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "Meet the Feebles" (though it's nowhere near as brilliant as the former and not as hilariously gross as the latter), this foul mouthed action comedy (directed by Muppet maestro Jim Henson's son, Brian) probably should have been a lot funnier given the ludicrous concept and the Henson lineage, but there's still enough legit laughs to make it a decent time-killer.

"Rock N Roll High School" (1979)

Rock fanatic and aspiring songwriter Riff Randell (P.J. Soles) and her fellow students at Vince Lombardi High rebel against the fascist, rock hating principal Miss Togar (Mary Woronov) with a little help from the Ramones... and some high explosives.
Allan Arkush's punked-out update of a '50s "rock musical" flick has been one of my favorite movies for as long as I can remember. I've probably seen it more times than any other movie, but I never get tired of it.

"John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars" (2001)

In the future, a squadron of space cops arrive at a Martian colony to take a notorious prisoner into custody. They soon learn that most of the colony's inhabitants are dead, and the survivors have been taken over by a homicidal alien organism that controls their bodies. Lots of punching, blasting, and cheap special effects ensues.
John Carpenter wastes an impressive cast of B-movie stalwarts (Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier, Jason Statham) in this plodding, shoddy looking sci-fi/action flick that's essentially a remake of his 70s classic "Assault on Precinct 13," set on Mars. Since he's ripping off his own movie, I have no idea how he dropped the ball so badly!
Metal Nerd fun fact: members of Anthrax helped Carpenter compose the score for this flick (you can hear Scott Ian's distinctive guitar riffing numerous times throughout the film) but even that isn't enough to save this one from total crap-dom. Skip it.

"48 HRS" (1982)

A burned out cop (Nick Nolte) takes a small time crook (Eddie Murphy, in his movie debut) out of jail on a two day pass to get his help in catching some of his former associates, who've escaped from prison and gone on a killing spree.
Walter Hill's comedic shoot-em-up gives Eddie plenty of chances to shine (the scene with him in a bar full of rednecks is absolutely priceless) and pretty much set the template for every other "buddy cop" movie that was made for the rest of the '80s. Even after all these years, this is still my favorite Eddie Murphy movie.

"Jabberwocky" (1977)

In the Dark Ages, a dorky peasant (Michael Palin) leaves his village and heads to the city, where he gets caught up in the search for a champion to slay a massive man-eating beast that's terrorizing the kingdom.
This uneven Medieval fantasy/comedy was Terry (Monty Python) Gilliam's solo directing debut (after co-directing Holy Grail with fellow Python Terry Jones) and though it shares a similar grimy look with Holy Grail, unfortunately it isn't nearly as funny. There are a few good bits scattered throughout the film but there's a lot of dead space between them. You can skip this one unless you absolutely have to see every Python-related movie in existence.