TODAY I WATCHED ... (TV, Movies, Sports, etc.) 2024

"Meet Wally Sparks" (1997)

Rodney Dangerfield is a trash-TV talk show host in the Jerry Springer vein, whose show is about to be cancelled unless he can clean up his act. A chance meeting with a Southern political candidate gives his ratings a much needed boost, but also leads to massive amounts of cartoonish chaos in the halls of power.
A dumb-as-rocks comedy that's basically an excuse for Rodney to throw off an endless stream of smutty one liners while the impressive supporting cast (Burt Reynolds, David Ogden Stiers of "M*A*S*H*," Cindy "Laverne & Shirley" Williams, Debi Mazar, and more) does their best to keep the threadbare plot rolling. Just turn your brain off and enjoy the silliness.

Mutant (1984)



two brothers driving through the south on vacation end up stranded in a small Georgia town after a run in with some of the locals. After settling in, they discover there are strange happenings going on, with dead bodies being discovered and then disappearing. Soon , just about the whole town is missing and it appears to be tied into the chemical plant on the outskirts of town. Never heard of this one before, but this is a good film in the zombie genre with a good cast including Wings Hauser as one of the brothers and the ever reliable Bo Hopkins as the local sheriff.

"Skyscraper" (2018)

An FBI agent turned security expert (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) is in Hong Kong for the grand opening of the world's tallest, supposedly safest luxury building. When some terrorists start a massive blaze in the middle of the structure to cover up a robbery, Dwayne must brave the flames to stop the bad guys and save his family, who are trapped inside.
A technically well made, but overly familiar big budget action/disaster flick that simply staples "Die Hard" and "The Towering Inferno" together. Johnson is in fine butt kicking form and the special effects and stunt work are impressive, but overall I got a major "seen this all before" feeling from this movie. Not terrible, but not a must watch either.

"Viva Las Vegas" (1964)

A race car driver (Elvis Presley) arrives in Las Vegas to compete in a Grand Prix road rally. He needs money to put a new motor in his car, so he takes a job as a hotel waiter, where he meets and of course eventually romances the hotel's gorgeous swim instructor (Ann-Margret).
Widely considered to be The King's best movie, "Viva" is silly fluff, of course, but it's worth watching just to ogle Ann-Margret, who was at her absolute peak of hottie perfection at the time. Elvis and Ann had chemistry off screen too -- they famously had a romantic fling during the making of the movie, and I don't blame The King one iota!

"It Came From Aquarius Records" (2022)

Documentary tracing the long history of Aquarius Records, a landmark, highly influential record store in San Francisco that proudly flew the flag for independent/weird/underground music starting in 1969 until it closed in 2016.  Strangely, in spite of its San Fran location, there's barely any mention of the Bay Area Thrash Metal era of the 80s, aside from an Exodus poster on the wall. Otherwise, this is a heartfelt trip through time with commentary by former employees/owners, customers, and musicians who treated the store as their home base. Everyone needs a record store like this in their lives.

Agatha All Along

From

My October horror-thon got off to a poor start with...

"Cutting Class" (1989)

A dull high school slasher flick starring a young Brad Pitt in an early role as one of two teen boys who may be responsible for a series of murders on campus. Cutie-pie scream queen Jill Schoelen is the girl caught in the middle of the mayhem.
There are worse slashers out there, but this slow moving slog is easily skippable unless you're a Brad Pitt completist.

Only Murders In The Building

Out There, a docuseries about crimes tied in to paranormal activity

Criminal Minds
NXT

"Meth Gator" (2024)

On a small island in the Florida Evergladse, a DEA agent leads the local cops and some assorted rednecks on a hunt to destroy a massive gator that ate a stash of crystal meth and is now an unstoppable killing machine.
In case it wasn't immediately obvious, this is The Asylum's belated knock-off of "Cocaine Bear." It's not a great movie by any means, but it's a better than average Asylum entry, with the usual dumb characters doing stupid things that lead to lots of gory alligator chompings. Don't expect Shakespeare. just turn off your brain and enjoy the creature carnage.

"Night Shift" (1982)

Two NYC morgue workers - uptight Henry Winkler and his wild n' crazy new partner Michael Keaton - discover a unique side hustle to while away the dull night shifts by starting a successful prostitution ring out of their office. Wacky hijinks ensue.
Winkler is great as the nervous-nerd half of the team and the young Keaton seems to be channeling Bill Murray. Funny stuff with a cool New York vibe, this was the first big studio picture for director Ron Howard.

Smackdown
AEW Rampage

Yes, Minister

"Trenches of Rock" (2019)

Nicely-done documentary on Christian metal stalwarts Bloodgood, tracing their long and sometimes bumpy history via extensive interviews with band members and associates and tons of amazing vintage footage of the boys doin' their thing on stage in the USA, Europe, and even Russia.
I was aware of Bloodgood during their heyday back in the '80s, but for whatever reason, I never paid much attention to 'em at the time. I've re-discovered their music over the past couple of years, though, so this doc did a nice job of filling in the blanks in my knowledge about them. Long time fans should probably dig it as well. Cool stuff, highly recommended.

A bunch of DC's Animated Universe movies were just added to Tubi, so I spent last night on a Batman Binge:

"Batman & Harley Quinn" (2017)

Batman and Nightwing reluctantly enlist the help of Harley Quinn (who's been half-heartedly trying to go straight) to find her former BFF Poison Ivy, who's teamed up with the Fluronic Man in a plot to turn all of humanity into plant people.
A fast paced, funny cartoon action flick in the style of the classic Batman animated series from the early 90s (which is where Harley first appeared), with great voice work by the late Kevin Conroy as the Dark Knight and Melissa "Big Bang Theory" Rauch as Harley. The PG-13 rating allows for some salty language and risque' jokes that they wouldn't have gotten away with on the TV show. Fun stuff.

"Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders" (2016)

Adam West and Burt Ward return to voice their iconic characters in this way-cool animated homage to the '60s Batman TV show, in which the Dynamic Duo battle their four most notorious foes (Joker, Penguin, Riddler, and Catwoman) in a typically wacky adventure involving a duplicating ray, an evil Batman taking over Gotham City, and even a trip to outer space. It's great to hear Adam and Burt back in the saddle again, and the O.G. Catwoman Julie Newmar also returns to voice her character. A groovy trip down memory lane for fans of the kitschy TV series.

"Armed and Dangerous" (1986)

A bumbling former cop (John Candy) and a bumbling former attorney (Eugene Levy) take new jobs at a private security firm, where the two screw ups uncover corruption behind the scenes, ties with the Mob, and plans for an armored car robbery. Naturally, this leads to wacky hijinks, car chases, and stuff blowin' up.
This mostly forgotten '80s action comedy is predictable as hell but it's still a fun ride. Candy and Levy make a good team (playing roles that were originally envisioned for Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi) and a young, cute-as-a-button Meg Ryan also appears in an early role. I remember watching this one a bunch of times on HBO when I was a kid, so it was cool to revisit it after so many years.

The Slayer (1982)



An artist, her husband, her brother and sister-in-law travel to remote island for a vacation and soon find they are being systematically stalked by what may or may not be a demonic entity psychically created by the artist. Slow moving, but an ok film I guess. I've seen worse.

"Batman vs. Two-Face" (2017)

Animated sequel to "Return of the Caped Crusaders" brings back Adam and Burt as Batman and Robin and ups the kitschy-cool factor by bringing in William Shatner to voice Two-Face! Sadly, this would be Adam West's final Bat-related performance; the film was released a few months after his passing and is dedicated to his memory. We miss you, Adam!

Getting into the schlocky October horror thing a little late this year...

"Scream" (aka "The Outing," 1981)

A group of river rafters take shelter for the night in an abandoned Western town, and soon they're getting picked off one by one by an unseen killer. Yes, that's the entire plot.
Obviously, this movie has no relation to Wes Craven's 1996 masterpiece by the same name. This is a dreadfully slow moving, ineptly made slasher flick with annoying, cardboard-cutout characters, bad acting full of awkward silences, very little gore, and a story that simply doesn't make any friggin sense. By the end of the movie, absolutely nothing has been resolved or explained.
You can safely AVOID this one unless you are compelled to see every cheap shit slasher movie made in the '80s.

Blue Monkey (1987)



AKA Insect (a much more appropriate name), A hospital is put under quarantine after a man is admitted with a new unknown bacterial infection and the cause also creates a new species of insect that begins to grow and mutate, feeding on people and attempting to procreate. It's up to a doctor, her entomologist friend and a police detective to put an end the creature. This strange mix up of Outbreak and Alien moves along at a nice pace, but is nowhere near essential viewing.

Scary Movie 5 (or Scary MoVie) (2013)...



The fifth installment of the Scary Movie franchise, and definitely the worst. I may have smirked once in the entire running time. The movie is slightly better than the movies directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in the late 2000s to mid 2010s (Friedberg and Seltzer are seen as having murdered the parody genre). This did turn a profit, but the Scary Movie franchise was deservedly put to bed after this installment.

SWAT: Warhead One (2004)...



Contrary to what one could presume by the title, no, this is not an in name only sequel to the Colin Farrell action film S.W.A.T. from the early 2000s. This is an incredibly obscure low budget action movie starring French kickboxing champion Olivier Gruner, who plays the leader of special police unit trying to stop a gangland counterfeiter with nuclear capabilities. With bad acting, bargain bin production values, and poor dubbing, this is very bad stuff and is obscure for a reason. Avoid.

Only Murders In The Building

Very Frightening Tales (2023)

A very short, barely an hour, anthology film with seven different stories of varying quality and entertainment, my favorite being the story with Sally Struthers (!) as a tarot reading seer.

Criminal Minds

The Frighteners (1966)



Peter Jackson's film starring Michael J. Fox as a paranormal investigator/exorcist with actual psychic powers, in reality a conman that sends in his spectral cohorts to "haunt" a house for him to come in and charge for the exorcism. Things start to take a much darker tone once he discovers that an evil spirit dressed as the Grim Reaper is going around his home town and murdering people. An excellent movie with one of Fox's better performances and a great supporting cast, including John Astin, Chi McBride, and Jeffrey "re-Animator" Combs as an unhinged FBI agent.

Agatha All Along


Cabin In The Woods docuseries on Max