TODAY I WATCHED ... (TV, Movies, Sports, etc.) 2024

Okay, I put on "Wonder Woman 84" and made it as far as the shopping mall scene after the jewelry store heist at the beginning. The whole super hero thing has been over done. The CGI in the scene that ended my viewing "pleasure" of this master "piece" of cinematography was awkward and clanky. It just made me bust up. Not a good thing when it is not supposed to be a comedy.

Since I bailed, the unicorn is still in the magic forest and the puppy dog is still nursing with the rest of the litter.

On to the next film in the stack of $1 movies...

"Bay Area Godfathers Part II" (2021)

Part 2 of this doc from the "Inside Metal" crew picks up when Metallica moves up to San Francisco from L.A., and the whole scene goes Thrash crazy. Members of Exodus, Vicious Rumors, Laaz Rockit, Forbidden, Heathen, and many more share stories and commentary. Cool stuff for metal nerds.

"Lionheart" (1990)

A deserter from the French Foreign Legion (Jean Claude Van Damme) earns his way to Los Angeles to help his late brother's family by fighting in a series of underground, brutal bare-knuckle brawls. More typical JCVD punch-happy action junk, disposable but fun.

Tubi has been a treasure trove of trashy action movies this week!

"Death Warrant" (1990)

An L.A. cop (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is sent undercover inside a corrupt prison to investigate a string of inmate murders. Naturally there are forces behind the scenes who don't want the crimes to be solved. Lots of punching and spin-kicking ensues.
Out of the three JCVD movies I've watched this week, this was probably the most well-made one. Supposedly it was originally intended as a vehicle for Bruce Willis, but it fell to Jean-Claude when Bruce passed on it.

"Pray For Death" (1985)

Sho Kosugi of "Revenge of the Ninja" fame stars in this predictable martial-arts revenge saga. Sho and his family make the unwise decision to move from Japan to a shitty part of L.A., where they get mixed up with a bunch of mobsters looking for stolen jewels. Eventually Sho suits up in the ol' Ninja garb and takes out the trash. As usual for a Kosugi flick, the fight choreography and stunt work are impressive, but due to Sho's near total inability to speak English, the acting is sub-par at best. Silly but enjoyable chop-socky junk.

AEW Collision

The Blob (1988)



Awesome remake of the 50s classic about an amorphous, ravenous creature from outer space (rewritten here as a leftover cold war bio weapon mixed with alien bacteria) set loose on a small town. Lots of cool gory goopy deaths in this one, and highly entertaining. Saw it years ago and finally got to re watch it on Tubi.

Taxi
The Love Boat

The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live

Everybody Loves Raymond

Fat Freddy wrote:

To this day I can't understand how Steven Seagal managed to have a movie career. As an actor, he made Chuck Norris look like Laurence Olivier

The only Seagal movies that were worth sitting thru more than once IMO were Under Siege (even though it's a total Die Hard ripoff, it's a well made one) and whichever one it was where he played a Brooklyn cop and Pam Grier was his partner (was that Marked For Death or Out For Justice? I forget)...

The one with Pam Grier was Above the Law, actually.

And while Steven Seagal was never a good actor, I still say he's a better actor than Hulk Hogan.

[quote="Required Fields"
And while Steven Seagal was never a good actor, I still say he's a better actor than Hulk Hogan.[/quote]




You're really setting the bar low there.

Started season 2 of Bates Motel.

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"Double Team" (1997)

A retired CIA agent (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is called back to active duty when an old terrorist enemy resurfaces after several years. When the bad guy kidnaps JCVD's pregnant wife, he enlists an oddball weapons dealer (NBA weirdo Dennis Rodman) to help him bring the bad guy down.
I remember this movie got absolutely ravaged by the critics when it came out, so I was expecting a shit show of Biblical proportions... but honestly, it's not that terrible. Silly as hell, but no better or worse than most of Jean Claude's other shoot'em-ups from the same era. Don't expect Oscar caliber filmmaking, just turn your brain off and watch stuff explode for 90 minutes.

AEW Rampage

My trip down the Jean-Claude Van Damme rabbit hole continues thanks to Tubi...

"Legionnaire" (1999)

A boxer on the run from gangsters in 1920s France joins the French Foreign Legion to get out of the country. He gets shipped off to a remote outpost in Northern Africa, where the Legion is in constant battle with a native tribe.
This impressively staged, surprisingly lavish period piece was quite a change for JCVD -- it's not really an "action" picture, it's more of an old school "adventure drama." There is still a fair share of fighting and gun play, but JC's brooding, strong/silent hero type doesn't even spin-kick anybody!
Even though he's clearly trying very hard, JCVD's still not much of an actor, but the movie surrounds him with interesting supporting characters that keep him, and the movie, afloat. I was pleasantly surprised by this one.

Underground Civilization. A documentary on the Virginia,Maryland,DC death metal scene in the late 80's and early 90's.

AEW Collision

"The Shark Is Still Working" (2007)

The late, great Roy "Chief Brody" Scheider narrates this cool documentary on the enduring phenomenon of the original "Jaws." It covers all the bases from the film's famously problem-plagued production to its becoming the first bona fide "summer blockbuster," and its continued influence on film making to this very day. Lots of cool vintage behind-the-scenes footage and commentary from the movie's stars, crew, and fans make this a must-see for Jaws nerds.

More Bates Motel

Married With Children

Last evening finished up another 4 movie pack from the pawn shop for $1.  This time we have  "Blood Predators- The Midnight Horror Collection".    

"The Vampire Conspiracy" (2005)
IMDb says, "Five strangers are abducted by a 250 year-old vampire, and placed into a deadly game of wits and endurance."   James says, My favorite line was by a "survivor" of an earlier game that the new contestants come across in the maze. He says, "Masturbate... the sex gland is in close proximity to the fear gland.  That is what he wants. You to be afraid.  He feeds off of it"

"Fist Of The Vampire" (2007)
IMDb says,  "A family is murdered in cold blood. The case goes unsolved for decades and remains a mystery. Enter the present day, detective Lee Southward is sent on assignment to infiltrate an illegal underground fighting tournament and bring in the organizers. Lee battles his way to the top of the tournaments in attempts to get closer to the organizers. As Lee draws closer and begins to piece clues together he is brought back to the case closed decades ago. However there is a problem: The organizers are of the undead and crave human blood! Lee must fight his way through all the sex, drugs, and violence of the underground while trying to piece together evidence with the help of an undercover officer and find a way to stop the undead!"   James says, "Buffy meets Fight Club done with 1000 acres of Nebraska corn"

"Curse  Of The Wolf" (2006)
IMDb says, "A young woman, Dakota (Renee Porada) has finally found a way to "control" her Lycanthrope metamorphosis and desires to live a "normal life".  James says, "The werewolf pack that turned her out got a wee bit pissed that she took her toys and went home. The corn in this production is straight from what you find in the porta-potty after the company picnic.  Pulled pork sammies and un-shucked maze straight off the grill.  In other words, the corn was in the turds.

*NOTE- Interesting that Movies #2 & #3 were produced by the same Company.  So actors/actresses who were leading roles in one were support or minor characters in the other.

"Bachelor Party In The Bungalow Of The Damned"  (2008)
IMDb says, "Sammy holds a wild anything-goes bachelor party for his best friend Chuck at a bungalow in the Hamptons. Things go horribly awry when the three exotic dancers hired to provide entertainment for said bash turn out to be ferocious demonic succubus vampires with an insatiable taste for male flesh."  James says, "The "exotic" dancers looked like they were trafficked out of a mid-west WalMart. One guy gets an underwater hummer in the sauna, but gets interrupted cause she transformed.  (IMHDO) If he was getting one in a RT or Trailways, then "succubus" would have had a whole different meaning".

So out a possible 5 Unicorns and Puppy Dogs, this 4 movie pack just gets a recommendation for the following...

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"Mad Max" (1979), the other night.
"The Road Warrior" (1981), last evening.

Have not watched either for some days....

I think they were played a lot at The Midnight Movies. The same place all of us So. Calif Stoner-Dudes
Partied it up in the lot and then scoped out films like "Song Remains The Same"; "The Wall" ; "Black And Blue" ; "The Grateful Dead Movie" ; and all them George Romero "Zombie Films". Great memories. I do not feel the need to watch either again, Although, if I do come across any of the other titles in the series, I'd scope em out. If they are a buck-a-pop like these two were?

Combined, these titles get 2 Unicorns & Puppy Dogs for the sake of pure nostalgia.

"The Black Hole" (1979)

A spaceship crew discovers a long-lost ghost ship hanging on the outer rim of a black hole. When they board the craft they learn that it's run by a crew of robots and commanded by a madman who wants to go through the vortex and see what's on the other side. Much blasting and zapping ensues as they try to escape.
Disney's entry into the late '70s post-Star Wars sci-fi craze is a bizarre mix of styles -- it feels like they couldn't decide whether they were making an action-packed shoot'em up with cute robots for the kids, or a dark, heaven-and-hell space horror movie for grown-ups. It doesn't always work but the set designs are impressive, the score by James Bond composer John Barry is excellent, and most of the special effects have held up pretty well.
Side note, I saw this during its theatrical run when I was a kid. The bad guy's big red robot "Maximilian" scared the ever lovin' crap out of me, and Anthony Perkins' death scene haunted me for weeks afterward.

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"RoboDoc: The Creation of RoboCop" (2023)

An insanely in-depth four hour (!) documentary on the making of Paul Verhoeven's 1987 classic RoboCop (which happens to be my favorite movie ever). This thing is packed to the gills with cool behind the scenes photos and film clips and commentary from pretty much every surviving cast member as well as Verhoeven himself, the writers, the producers, etc., etc. I am pretty sure that I now know everything there is to know about the original Robo. If you love this movie as much as I do, you'll be in Nerd Heaven with this doc. (streaming on Tubi)

"Dogtown and Z- Boys" (2001)

            (IMHDO) This is a great documentary.  I was an 11 year old spectator at Del Mar when they competed in 1975.  Being a surfer since about 5 years old, I recognized their style.  It was a game changer as much as urethane wheels were a few years earlier.  Modern skateboarders are amazing at what they do, but to me... surfing the concrete/asphalt as it lays was an interaction between you and the urban sprawl in a manner that was never intended.  I did the "migration" to the Zephyr Shop in Venice a few years later after it began to blow up commercially and competed in a couple of downhill events.  I began to play in bands with older dudes in 1978 and skateboarding became a thing hardly done anymore. I did continue to surf, which I still do occasionally today.
        This doc does a good job at sharing the reality of how commercialization can ruin anything it gets it's claws into and more importantly, the fact that raw talent does not mean success.  I relate on the basis of "kids should just have fun and not grow up too fast", this documentary showcases both the ups and downs of that scenario.  I watch this periodically, and always enjoy it.

This gets 4 out of 5 Unicorns and Puppy Dogs.