Aerosmith story in "The Onion"

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/steven_tyler_laid_off_from

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Onion (shame on you!), it is a humor/satire publication... therefore the above article is a hoax. So nobody panic, Steven Tyler isn't really going anywhere!!

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Quote :: "I'm going to miss Steven," said rhythm guitarist Brad Whitford. "He was a good guy, and, I don't know, I thought he sang pretty well."

King Of Kaiju Number of posts : 30892 Age : 64

Obviously, Eyesore is familiar with The Onion.

I miss Herbert.

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tohostudios wrote:: Obviously, Eyesore is familiar with The Onion.

I miss Herbert.

Me, too! I can't believe they killed him. Haha. I still need to buy that memorial shirt.

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3367 Age : 56

I love the Onion. I almost peed my pants when I was on vacation in Wisconson and saw they had a print version. Great stuff.

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Tall Tyrion wrote:: I love the Onion. I almost peed my pants when I was on vacation in Wisconson and saw they had a print version. Great stuff.

I still have a few copies of the print version in a drawer somewhere from when I visited my buddy in Wisconsin about ten years ago. That was where I first discovered it. I loved it so much that for a while he was sending me occasional packages with a bunch of Onion issues in it.

Once it went online he said "OK, now you can read it on the Net, you don't need me anymore."

I too miss Herbert (Tha H-Dog) Kornfeld!! I'll mourn ya till I join ya, brutha!

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Fat Freddy wrote:: I'll mourn ya till I join ya, brutha!

Master Of The Crotch Grab Number of posts : 6841 Age : 50

Tying a scarf to a microphone stand is unfortunately no longer a marketable skill," IndustryWeek editor David Blanchard said. "To compete in today's job market, you need to diversify your skill set. Someone who can not only sing, but also play tambourine and haul heavy equipment, is infinitely more valuable to a company."

Laughing very hard

Guest

Good ol' Onion.

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Everytime I re-read that piece I see a new part that kills me.

Quote :: Analysts speculate that the sector-wide layoff was a result of multiple factors, including redundancies in the singing-songwriting division, rising rehab fees that have cost the group millions, and a 34 percent decline in jump-kicks since 2003. In addition, some of Aerosmith's younger, more ambitious employees, such as Joe Perry, 57, are willing to sing and play an instrument at the same time, often for half the salary.

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3367 Age : 56

Here are some other classic Onion rock 'n' roll pieces:

ZZ Top Grants Clinton Keys To Magic Hot Rod:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30144

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43192

Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/unreleased_jimmy_page_guitar_riff

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Haha! Those are awesome. I'd never seen the ZZ Top/Clinton one before.

Here's my all time fave:
"Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying to Shock People"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28771

And some other good ones:
"Bassist Unaware Rock Band is Christian"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28634

"Christian Rockers Deny Kicking Ass"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39224

"Kid Rock Starves to Death, MP3 Piracy Blamed"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28467

"Clinton Writes Fan Letter to Joan Jett"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29198

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3367 Age : 56

I've never seen that Manson one. Classic! lol!

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Tall Tyrion wrote:: I've never seen that Manson one. Classic!

Quote :: Provocative acts by Manson–including dismembering a chicken, bathing in pig's blood, and wearing a three-piece suit of human noses–failed to arouse anyone's ire, instead prompting comments such as "sophomoric," "trite," and "so Alice Cooper."

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There's one, if I remember correctly, about ICP having to get a ride to one of their own concerts by Violent Js mother or something. Pretty funny.

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Eyesore wrote:: There's one, if I remember correctly, about ICP having to get a ride to one of their own concerts by Violent Js mother or something. Pretty funny.

Yea, I remember that one... will have to look for the link!

*EDIT* Here it is... that was easy
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29421

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

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The ICP story:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29421

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

spectrefate wrote:: The ICP story:

Beat ya to it. Laughing

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Guest

Tall Tyrion wrote:: Here are some other classic Onion rock 'n' roll pieces:

ZZ Top Grants Clinton Keys To Magic Hot Rod:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30144

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43192

Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/unreleased_jimmy_page_guitar_riff

lol...those are great. they all are

Metal master Number of posts : 535 Age : 34

Dude that Secret Jimmy Page Riff article kicked ass

"Members of the Protectorate were each given only partial information about the location of the vault, which they were instructed to open in unison only in the event of a total Rockopalypse. While some believed the vault was buried in Boston, Chicago, Kansas, Europe, or Asia, others claimed it could be found in the Court of the Crimson King."

Laughing very hard

Bukkake Tsunami Number of posts : 25557 Age : 53

Fat Freddy wrote:

Tall Tyrion wrote:: I love the Onion. I almost peed my pants when I was on vacation in Wisconson and saw they had a print version. Great stuff.

I still have a few copies of the print version in a drawer somewhere from when I visited my buddy in Wisconsin about ten years ago. That was where I first discovered it. I loved it so much that for a while he was sending me occasional packages with a bunch of Onion issues in it.

Once it went online he said "OK, now you can read it on the Net, you don't need me anymore."

I too miss Herbert (Tha H-Dog) Kornfeld!! I'll mourn ya till I join ya, brutha!

I was in Chicago last week at an outdoor cafe and some dude (homeless guy?) walked up to our group and handed us copies of The Onion, then asked for donations. I gave him a buck. Money well spent, in my opinion. Funny stuff.

Master Of The Crotch Grab Number of posts : 6841 Age : 50

MetalGuy71 wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

Tall Tyrion wrote:: I love the Onion. I almost peed my pants when I was on vacation in Wisconson and saw they had a print version. Great stuff.

I still have a few copies of the print version in a drawer somewhere from when I visited my buddy in Wisconsin about ten years ago. That was where I first discovered it. I loved it so much that for a while he was sending me occasional packages with a bunch of Onion issues in it.

Once it went online he said "OK, now you can read it on the Net, you don't need me anymore."

I too miss Herbert (Tha H-Dog) Kornfeld!! I'll mourn ya till I join ya, brutha!

I was in Chicago last week at an outdoor cafe and some dude (homeless guy?) walked up to our group and handed us copies of The Onion, then asked for donations. I gave him a buck. Money well spent, in my opinion. Funny stuff.

About time you showed back up.

Bukkake Tsunami Number of posts : 25557 Age : 53

After spending time in the Windy City, I had to play the role of best man for my brother's wedding, then my kids were sick, which led to me being sick. But I'm back now with a vengeance, ready to throw in my 2 cents, stupid remarks and pointless stories, all in an effort to avoid real work till my next vacation.

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3367 Age : 56

Fly the flag of metalhead mediocrity HIGH, brother!!

nOOb master Number of posts : 4429 Age : 35

lol thats quite funny. bad company being outsourced to China

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