TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies, TV, etc.) 2023

"All The Creatures Were Stirring" (2018)

Cheap horror anthology made up of five short scary stories that take place at Christmastime. A couple of the tales are passable, but for the most part this flick is cheap looking, woodenly acted, and poorly edited. Skip it.

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Since I have covid again I've watched a lot of tv.

Match Game
Family Feud
All In The Family
Frosty The Snowman
James Gregory :Food Is Not Fatal stand up special

"Marked For Death" (1990)

After his partner is killed during an undercover op gone wrong, a DEA agent (Steven Seagal) retires and returns to his home town. He soon learns that his old neighborhood is now under the control of a vicious gang of Jamaican drug dealers. You can probably figure out the rest.
Seagal never could act worth a damn, of course, but he's in fine bone-breaking form here and the mayhem is impressive. Worth a look for action enthusiasts.

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"Alligator" (1980)

A baby alligator is flushed into the Chicago sewer system, and a dozen years later it's grown to enormous size and developed a taste for humans. When it begins roaming the city streets munching on residents, a cop (Robert Forster) and a reptile expert (Robin Riker) have to figure out how to stop the critter. One of the better late 70s/early 80s creature features inspired by the success of "Jaws."

"Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday" (1993)

In the 9th (yet far from "final") installment in the "Friday the 13th" series, Jason gets blown to smithereens by the FBI before the opening credits are finished rolling... yet his evil is able to live on by possessing other bodies as he tries to get re-born through his last remaining blood relative.
Amidst all the gory ultra-violence, there's more back story and character development in this one movie than in the previous eight "F13's" put togethe. Sharp eyed nerds will get a kick out of the nods to "The Evil Dead," "The Hidden," and "Creepshow," but otherwise this movie is a total mess. I hated it when I first saw it during its theatrical run, yet for some reason I keep re-visiting it every decade or so to see if my opinion of it has changed. It hasn't... it still sucks.
AVOID.

"Batman: Death in the Family" (2020)

A DC Animated short feature that follows up "Under The Red Hood," in which Batman learns that the Red Hood, a new murderous vigilante in Gotham City, is actually Jason Todd, a former "Robin" that he thought had died. As usual for these DC Animated Universe films, there's lots of cartoon ultra-violence and action that's definitely not suitable for the kiddies.
To pad things out to feature length, "Death in the Family" is followed by several more animated shorts featuring second-division DC characters like Sgt. Rock (who leads the Creature Commandos on a mission!), the Phantom Stranger, and Death. Some of these were actually more entertaining than the Batman segment. All in all, a mixed bag.

"Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2" (1987)

"Ricky," the younger brother of the Santa Claus killer from the first "SN, DN," pours out his tragic life story to a jail psychiatrist (aided by about 30 minutes of recycled footage from the first film) before he escapes to go on his own Santa-suited kill spree.
Unintentionally hilarious sequel to the notorious 1984 Yuletide slasher sickie is packed with quotably silly dialogue and horrendous acting, especially by the dude who plays "Ricky."
As awful as this movie is, it's still become a holiday season perennial for me. Yes, I realize I have questionable taste in "Christmas movies."
All together now: GAAARRRRBAGE DAAAAAAYYYY!

It's A Wonderful Knife (2023)



Horror comedy about a girl that is able to stop a serial killer on Christmas Eve. Flash forward to a year later and the girl is struggling with PTSD, being virtually ignored by her family due to their concerns over their successful real estate company, and discovering her boyfriend has been cheating on her. Thinking things would be better if she was never born, she's granted that wish and discovers just how bad things really would be, with the killer still on the rampage, murdering indiscriminately (or so it would seem) every so often. Knowing the identity of the killer she must stop him or be tuck in the alternate reality permanently. Clever and enjoyable.

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"Creem: America's Only Rock Magazine" (2019)

Cool documentary about Creem, the gritty '70s rock magazine who were the scruffy, loud mouthed polar opposite of the stuffy Rolling Stone. Packed with cool vintage photos and interviews with former staffers as well as fans and readers like Kirk Hammett, Chad Smith (RHCP), Wayne Kramer (MC5), Alice Cooper, and more. By the time I started buying rock mags regularly in the mid 80s, Creem was already on its last legs (it ceased publication in 1989), but it sounds like it was a wild ride while it lasted. I guess I missed out on a very cool reading experience!

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"A Christmas Horror Story" (2015)

A cool anthology of Yuletide horror tales: teen paranormal investigators revisit the site of a mysterious Christmas Eve murder, a bickering family has a Krampus encounter, and a Christmas tree hunting family brings home something sinister from the forest. Meanwhile at the North Pole, Santa deals with a zombie outbreak amongst his elves and William Shatner (!) ties it all together with a hilarious turn as a radio DJ in an ugly Christmas sweater. This one has become a holiday season perennial for me. Lots of twisted holiday fun.

"Black Christmas" (2006)

Sorority sisters learn the hard way that their house was once the home of a psycho killer, when he escapes from the asylum on December 24th and comes "home" for Christmas. Lots of holly-jolly carnage ensues.
Unpopular opinion: I actually like this remake better than Bob Clark's 1974 original. It's got tons of Christmasy atmosphere (which makes the ultra-violence hit even harder), it's faster moving, has a great cast full of eye candy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert, Dawn Trachtenberg, etc.) and it's got a mean streak a mile wide (Incest! Cannibalism! Eyeball gougings!). Skip the terrible 2019 "reboot" attempt from Blumhouse and watch this one instead.

Episodes of Married With Children

A Christmas Story (1983)



Classic movie about little Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley) and his attempts to get his parents on board for him to get an official Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. A fun movie that gets overplayed this time of year thanks to tbs, but still worth the watch come the holiday season.

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Episodes of Becker

"The Night Before" (2015)

Three friends (Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt, and Anthony Mackie) head into New York City on their annual Christmas Eve bender and have a series of wacky misadventures trying to gain access to a super-exclusive holiday party. This slapstick holiday comedy has its moments (Rogen is a hoot), but it drags on a bit too long and tries to force in some dramatic bits that the movie doesn't really need. A late-inning cameo by Miley Cyrus (performing "Wrecking Ball," of course) makes the movie dated already.

"Fortress 2: Re-Entry" (2000)

Christopher Lambert is back and he's still on the run from the evil corporation from the first "Fortress." When they re-capture him he's placed in their latest, even more high-tech prison facility aboard an orbiting space station. Naturally, that doesn't stop him from planning an escape. The first "Fortress" was pretty good, this one is average at best. An OK time waster.

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"A Life in Dirty Movies" (aka "The Sarnos: A Life in Dirty Movies," 2013)

A documentary about director Joe Sarno, who was best known for making "sexploitation" films in the 1960s that were unusually well written and higher quality than most of his competitors. Joe's career faltered in the 1970s when adult films went hardcore, but now in the present day his movies have been re-discovered by a new audience. Buoyed by this newfound popularity, the now elderly Joe and his wife Peggy begin trying to get his latest film project off the ground. An unexpectedly sweet love story, considering the subject matter.

"The Ghosts of Borley Rectory" (2021)

In 1930s England, a group of paranormal investigators convene at a haunted country estate to probe its secrets. Supposedly based on a "true" haunting, the movie has atmosphere to spare and the performances are fine, but it's very talky and not very scary. Disappointing.

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How Women Are Conquering Metal. A short YouTube documentary on female metal bands.