TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies, TV) 2021

"Eve of Destruction" (1991)

"Eve," a military android that looks like a human female, goes rogue during a training exercise and starts shootin' and blowin' stuff up everywhere "she" goes. Gregory Hines is an anti-terrorist expert and sharpshooter assigned to destroy "her." So essentially, this is "Terminator" in a mini-skirt.
...I actually saw this box office bomb during its theatrical run; given how fast it came and went, I feel like I'm one of only a few dozen people who can say that.
There are a few cool action scenes in "Eve," but the casting is all wrong. Hines isn't believable as a military bad-ass, and Dutch actress Renee Soutendijk (making her U.S. film debut), who plays both "Eve" and the scientist who created her, isn't nearly as hot as the filmmakers seem to think she is. (Apparently Renee was a sex symbol back home in Holland, for whatever that's worth.)
There were worse "Terminator" wanna-be's made during the '90s, but unless you're a cheesy action completist you can safely skip this "Eve."

"Terminal" (2018)

In the middle of the night, a diverse group of people -- including a dying man (Simon Pegg), a pair of inept hired assassins, and a creepy janitor (Mike "Wayne's World" Myers) -- cross paths in a deserted train station. One by one they learn that the mysterious coffee shop waitress (Margot Robbie) has a specific grudge against each of them, and she's gathered them together to put an elaborate plan for revenge into motion.
This weird but stylish noir thriller is a nice looking, well acted movie, but unfortunately it's just not very interesting. Everyone pretty much sits around talking for the first hour, then it finally kicks into gear in its last 30 minutes. I only paid a buck for this DVD so I'm not gonna complain too much. It was worth the dollar just to ogle Margot Robbie, but then I'd watch her read a phone book for 2 hours as long as she was wearing something tight.

"The November Man" (2014)

Pierce Brosnan may not be 007 anymore but he's still playing the spy game. He plays a retired CIA agent who gets pulled back into the biz to protect a lovely Russian informant from some very bad people -- including the agent he trained as his protégé. Lots of fist fights, gun battles, car crashes, and lovely European scenery in this fast moving butt kicker.

"Dragnet" (1987)

Action/comedy update of the classic 50s/60s cop show stars Dan Aykroyd as the hilariously uptight nephew of the original Joe Friday, saddled with a free wheeling new partner (Tom Hanks) as they investigate a series of robberies tied to a crooked TV evangelist (Christopher Plummer). I've always enjoyed this one; Aykroyd has Jack Webb's mannerisms and speech down pat, and it's interesting to note that this was probably the last movie Hanks made as a second-banana role before moving on to leading man status in his own right. Lots of fun.

War on Christmas continued:
"Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2" (1987)
 
Set several years after the original SN, DN, this shoddy sequel focuses on "Ricky," the younger brother of the killer-Santa from the first film. First he tells his twisted life story to a jail psychiatrist (aided by about 40 minutes of footage from the first movie), then begins his own Christmas Eve killing spree aimed at getting even with the evil Mother Superior.
This movie is the definition of "so bad, it's good." Eric Freeman, who plays the psycho "Ricky," gives a master class in terrible acting (it's all in the eyebrows) and with all the recycled scenes from the first movie, you're practically getting a double feature.  Is it bad that this one has become a holiday season perennial for me?
All together now, "GARBAGE DAAAAAAYYYY?"

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)



On Christmas Eve, a little boy witnesses the murder of his parents by a man dressed as Santa Claus and is subsequently raised in an abusive Catholic orphanage. Things continue to spiral downward for him as he ages and ends up becoming a toy store Santa, where he finally snaps and goes on a killing spree, dressed as Santa. Somehow, I missed this one over the years. I know I saw a killer Santa movie somewhere down the line and thought it was this one, but that's not the case. I know this one spawned several sequels and by all accounts on here, they're terrible. I'm debating if I want to continue down that avenue.

^^ If you really wanna go down the SN, DN rabbit hole, here's my rankings:

"Part 2" (see my post above yours) is a must see, because it's one of those "so bad it's good," how-the-fuck-did-this-get-made classics. I don't even bother watching the original anymore, because they recycle so much footage from it into "2."

"Part 3: Better Watch Out!" is just crap. Dull, poorly acted, not worth the trouble. Just skip it.

"4: Initiation" is unrelated to the storyline of the previous films, which is a point in its favor, but honestly I remember very little about it aside from its December setting and some weird body horror shit involving bugs.

"5: The Toy Maker" (which I revisited today, see my next post) is fairly entertaining and is probably the best-made one in the entire series, though honestly that bar is set pretty low, so that's really not saying a whole lot.

War on Christmas, continued:

"Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker" (1991)

In the fifth and final film in the "SN, DN" series, mysterious lethal toys are turning up on people's doorsteps, and the culprit appears to be the kindly old guy (Mickey Rooney) who runs the local toy store. But is something even more sinister going on behind the scenes?
This flick is kinda like a holiday mash up of "Child's Play," "Pinocchio," and "Demonic Toys." The last ten minutes in particular go completely off the rails into total WTF territory, and must be seen to be believed. The killer toys are pretty cool looking and there's some decent gore; this is probably the most competently made entry in the series (though as previously stated, that's not exactly hard to do considering the quality of the previous installments...)
An interesting side note: it's funny to see Mickey Rooney in this flick cuz he was one of the most vocal celebrity critics of the original "SN, DN" (apparently he said that the film makers "should be run out of town" for defiling the sanctity of Christmas), but when your career is on the skids, I guess a gig's a gig. Way to stick to your principles there, Mick.

Bay Area Godfathers Parts 1 and 2

28 Days Later (2002)



Danny Boyle's "zombie" flick about Great Britain over run by people infected with a violent virus called Rage, turning the victims into mindless murdering psychos. A man awakens from a coma and joins other survivors trying to make it out of there alive. A pretty good movie but too much shaky cam when things go down.


And then I decided to check out some more of the Silent Night Deadly Night films.

The first film was a serviceable slasher, the second was a huge misstep. Having about half the film as a flashback was a stupid (but money saving, I'm sure) idea. And the acting? Ugh. Cool stunt performed after the "Garbage day!" scene though.

Part 3 is a strange movie, with the Santa killer (played by a totally different actor) is revived from a coma and is linked to a blind psychic girl. More bad acting save for Robert Culp. And the blind girl is rather nice looking.

On to the remaining 2 sometime today.

The Charvel Story. A film about the history of Charvel guitars. From the workers in the original manufacturing shop to some of the players who helped make them famous.

A Christmas Story (1983)



Christmas classic, due in no part to TNT and TBS playing it 24 hrs straight every year, about little 9 year old Ralphie Parker and his quest to get a Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle. Plenty of hilarity ensues. The movie does not get old.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)



Another holiday classic and essential viewing about Clark Griswold is attempt to have a good old-fashioned family Christmas all the while praying he gets his Christmas bonus to cover the in ground pool he put a down payment on. A highly quotable, hilarious film.

"All Madden" - Special on Fox about the great John Madden. It included some of his classic commercials ("Boom! Tough actin' Tinactin!")

Smackdown

Finished out 2021's War on Christmas with these two...

"Better Watch Out" (2017)

A college girl takes a Christmas Eve babysitting gig. As soon as the kid's parents are gone, someone starts banging on the windows and trying to break down the front door. She thinks it's a home-invasion robbery but eventually learns that it's something more sinister.
A pretty cool holiday psycho-thriller. I saw the mid-film twist coming from a mile away so it wasn't a big surprise, but the movie is well acted (esp. by the young leads) and has a nice Christmasy feel amidst all the mayhem. Worth a look.

"A Christmas Horror Story" (2015)

Cool "Trick r' Treat" style anthology of creepy Christmas stories that all take place in or around the same small town on Christmas Eve: teen paranormal investigators are trapped in a haunted school; a bickering family has a Krampus encounter; a family's trip to cut down a Christmas tree brings home something evil; and at the North Pole, a badass Santa has to deal with a Zombie outbreak amongst his elves. William Shatner (!)  plays a drunken radio DJ whose running commentary between segments (ala Adrienne Barbeau from "The Fog," in an ugly Christmas sweater) ties the whole thing together. This one is lots of tongue in cheek fun and deserves to be a cult classic!

"Clerks" (1994)

...yup, again. Kevin Smith's micro-budget B&W comedy classic about two New Jersey slackers stuck in hellish low-end retail jobs will never get old for me.

"Bay Area Godfathers" (2020)

New documentary from the "Inside Metal" crew, focusing on the San Francisco Bay Area metal scene, which contrary to popular belief, was already thriving long before Metallica came to town. Lots of info and pix/video of long forgotten bands like Dammaj, Winterhawk, Stone Vengeance, Harvey (?) and Steele, as well as interviews with some folks you might have actually heard of, like Dave Meniketti (Y&T), Eric Peterson (Testament), Dave Ellefson, Zetro Sousa, Craig Locicero (Forbidden), Rocky George, and some guy named Lars Ulrich (whatever happened to him, anyway?). A treasure trove of trivia for old school metal nerds, followed by a Part II which is next on my watch list.

"Bay Area Godfathers II" (2020)

Metallica moves to Frisco and the whole Bay Area scene goes thrash crazy in the second half of this in-depth "Inside Metal" documentary which also devotes a fair amount of time to Exodus, Laaz Rockit, Vicious Rumors, and more. Just as much fun as the first installment.

"The Target Shoots First" (2000)

In the early 90s, recent college grad, punk rocker and aspiring film maker Chris Wilcha took a job at the Columbia House Music Club headquarters in NYC. Bringing his camera with him to work every day, he captured the schism between the marketing and creative departments and realizes how clueless most of the employees really were about music when they try belatedly to jump on Nirvana and the "alternative" wave. A dry, funny documentary about a weird time in the music business.

"So Wrong, They're Right" (1999)

A documentary ode to that most maligned of music formats, the lowly 8 track tape. Two guys who run a fanzine devoted to 8 track collecting take off on a cross country road trip to meet up with fellow 8 track devotees and hoarders and discuss why they're all so devoted to this dead format. I suppose a sequel filmed today would focus on CD collectors.

The Entity

"Don't Look Up" (2021)


While scanning the night sky, a pair of astronomers (Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence) discover a massive, planet killing comet that's on a collision course with Earth. With only six months left before it hits, their attempts to get the word out to the world and come up with a plan to save the planet are consistently blocked by government ineptitude, corporate agendas, and just plain ol' human greed and stupidity.

...sounds familiar, doesn't it?

This all-star, big budget Netflix satire plays like a combination of "Deep Impact" and "Idiocracy" (with a hit of "Dr. Strangelove") -- it's not even trying to hide the parallels to our current world situation. I laughed a lot, but I also thought, "Yeah, that's pretty much how this would play out" quite often too.

Your mileage may vary, depending on your level of cynicism and/or faith in humanity.

I watched yesterday. Leo & Jennifer were in a different movie then rest of cast it seemed.

"Yeah, that's pretty much how this would play out" Agree.

I won't give away the ending(s)