TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies, TV) 2021

Without Warning (1980)



7 years before the Predator, this movie deals with an alien invader on Earth, hunting humans. Instead of doing it for sport, this one is here for food and instead of using hi tech weaponry, this alien flings disc like slugs that burrow into the victims, drawing them of their blood, or something like that. Its up to Jack Palance and Martin Landau to try and stop it. Fun fact, Kevin Peter Hall plays the alien in both this and the Predator.


The Sentinel (1977)



A model with a troubled past moves into a brownstone apartment in Brooklyn Heights where strange things begin to happen, not the least of which the other rather strange tenements of the building who she starts to investigate, and discovers she's the only one living there besides a solitary blind priest on the top floor. Creepy atmospheric film that is good Watch.

Am I the only one who had never heard that the mask Michael Myers wears in the original Halloween movies is actually a Captain Kirk mask that John Carpenter painted white?   That cracks me up but it seems as if I'm the only one who never heard that before.

tohostudios wrote:

Am I the only one who had never heard that the mask Michael Myers wears in the original Halloween movies is actually a Captain Kirk mask that John Carpenter painted white?   That cracks me up but it seems as if I'm the only one who never heard that before.

You didn't know that?

Must be just you.  

tohostudios wrote:

Am I the only one who had never heard that the mask Michael Myers wears in the original Halloween movies is actually a Captain Kirk mask that John Carpenter painted white?   That cracks me up but it seems as if I'm the only one who never heard that before.

I thought that was common knowledge.

Closing out Shlock-tober with a triple decker!

"10/31" (2017)

Indie anthology consisting of five short horror tales that all take place on Halloween night, hosted by a low-rent Elvira wanna-be.
The first two stories (a haunted hotel and a trip to an abandoned house that goes bad) aren't terrible, but the quality drops off sharply from there. The last segment in particular, about a Halloween night slasher, is completely incomprehensible.
This was obviously a very low budget effort (each segment was produced/directed by a different crew and financed via GoFundMe) and the sets, effects, and especially the performances (which are strictly amateur night) reflect this. I guess if you're into the underground, indie-horror scene, you might get some enjoyment out of this but I thought it was a slog.
AVOID.

"Lost Creek" (2016)

In the days leading up to Halloween, three small town kids must figure out how to stop an evil in the forest that's making all the grown-ups disappear.
This indie flick was aimed at a "family" audience so it's more "spooky" than "horrific." The kid actors are pretty good and the movie is obviously trying to tap into a "Stranger Things" or "Stephen King's It" type of vibe, but it can't quite pull it off with such a low budget. (The night time scenes are so poorly lit that it's damn near impossible to tell what's going on.) Young'uns won't be scared by this flick, but they will probably be bored.

"Halloween Pussy Trap, Kill! Kill!" (2017)

...how could I possibly pass up a title like that?
An all-girl punk band's  van breaks down in the boondocks. They accept a ride from a mysterious gas station attendant, which turns out to be a bad move. Soon they're prisoners in a madman's warehouse of death and have to figure out how to survive three floors of deadly traps to escape. Much screaming, bleeding, and swearing ensues.
...so yeah, this was a cheap, sleazy parody of Rob Zombie style redneck-horror flicks and the Saw series. In an unexpected metal moment, the voice of the Jigsaw-style "mastermind" (who we hear over the loudspeaker throughout the movie) is none other than Dave Mustaine. He must have owed someone a favor.
This one was actually pretty funny at first (in a tasteless sort of way), but after a while the girls' constant screaming gave me a headache, and I found myself wishing that Mega-Dave would just snuff'em all out and get it over with.

...and that's a wrap on Schlock-tober 2021!

Next year you can watch the sequel to that 10/31 flick which if the reviews are to be believed is even worse.

tohostudios wrote:

Next year you can watch the sequel to that 10/31 flick which if the reviews are to be believed is even worse.

Noooooo thank you! One was enough!

"Out of Print" (2014)

This documentary examines the "revival theater" phenomenon, i.e. old movie houses that show old films for audiences made up mostly of film buffs/obsessives. It mainly focuses on the staff and patrons of the New Beverly Cinema in Hollywood, which has been running 35mm oldies since the late '70s and have cultivated a loyal crowd of regulars who visit several times a week. Some famous fans like directors Kevin Smith, Seth Green, and Edgar Wright also drop in occasionally. The New Beverly looks like my kind of place and if I'm ever in L.A. I think I'm gonna try to catch a show there!

"The Suicide Squad" (2021)

Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and Bloodsport (Idris Elba) are assigned to a new group of D-list DC Comics villains (including Polka Dot Man, King Shark, and the hilariously uptight Peacemaker) drafted (against their will) by the US government for a top secret mission. This time they're sent to a South American banana republic to investigate and destroy a scientific laboratory that may be hiding an extra-terrestrial threat to the entire Earth. Naturally, they punch, shoot, kill, and blow up a whole lot of stuff in the process.
The first "Suicide Squad" was a mostly bland action flick, but in this follow up writer/director James "Guardians of the Galaxy" Gunn leans way harder into the absurdity of the concept. As a result "The Suicide Squad" is funnier, snarkier, and more ridiculous than its predecessor, without skimping on the "R" rated carnage. Better than I expected!

The Autopsy Of Jane Doe (2016)



The body of an unidentifiable woman is discovered at a crime scene and is taken to the morgue to determine the cause of death, since there are visible signs of trauma to the body. A father-son coroner team begin the autopsy on her and soon start unraveling more and more mysteries as the examination unfolds, and more supernatural events begin to occur. A pretty cool supernatural thriller with minimal gore, save for the autopsy itself, that keeps you guessing what exactly is going on.

"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" (2001)

Barred from hangin' out in front of the Quick Stop, Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) of "Clerks" infamy hit the road, heading to Hollywood to stop production of an unauthorized movie based on their "Bluntman & Chronic" comic book characters. Along the way they get mixed up with a gang of beautiful diamond thieves, an orangutan, and an extremely persistent wildlife police officer (Will Ferrell). A fast moving cross country adventure packed with F-bombs, fart jokes, celebrity cameos and lots of laughs.

"Cinemania" (2002)

Occasionally I worry that I spend way too much time watching movies, but I felt a little bit better about myself after watching this documentary, which focuses on five New Yorkers whose passion for film goes beyond fanatical and lands in weird/obsessive/disturbing territory. These are people whose devotion to cinema has completely taken over their lives -- they see as many as five movies a day, EVERY day, darting across town from theater to theater. One guy has hundreds of books full of insanely detailed notes he's taken about every movie he has seen since 1986, another eats food that constipates him so he will never have to "miss something" by going to the bathroom in the middle of a movie.  A lady who hoards memorabilia from every theater she visits was banned from one for attacking an employee who ripped her ticket the "wrong way." Another guy only watches movie musicals from the 40s and 50s over and over and owns thousands of film soundtracks on LP, but doesn't have a stereo to play them on.
...so yeah, compared to these folks, my movie habit is small potatoes. I am also very glad that I've never been seated next to any of these people at a theater.
(... just for the record, this was the 215th film I've seen so far this year. I bet the people profiled in this doc would call me an "amateur.")  

"The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It" (2021)

The 3rd film in the "Conjuring" series is set in 1981, when the First Couple of paranormal investigations, Ed and Lorraine Warren, came to the defense of an accused murderer who claims that "demonic possession" caused him to commit the crime. The couple's research uncovers Satanic cult activity that indicates the young man may have been under the influence of a curse.
Supposedly "based on a true story," this is more of a supernatural police procedural than a shit-your-pants-scary horror film. It's a slow burner in the 1970s style with strong performances, decent effects and a couple of legit creepy-cool moments. If you liked the previous "Conjuring" flicks you'll dig this one too.

Eternals. The new Marvel comics movie.

"Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." (1998)

Before Samuel L. Jackson, there was THE HOFF!
In this mostly-forgotten, so-bad-it's-good made-for-TV movie, David Hasselhoff plays Marvel Comics' wise cracking, cigar chomping super-agent, who retired from S.H.I.E.L.D. at the end of the Cold War. He's called back to active duty when a new and improved HYDRA, led by the daughter of Nick's old foe Baron von Strucker, plots to attack NYC with missiles loaded with a deadly virus.
The Hoff is clearly having fun playing Fury, and his sidekick Lisa "Melrose Place" Rinna certainly fills out a leather spy catsuit nicely, but otherwise this movie is silly, low budget action junk. This was supposed to be the pilot for a potential Nick Fury TV series, which never happened.
Fun fact: this movie was written by David S. Goyer, who would go on to co-write Christopher Nolan's "Dark Knight" trilogy, which I guess proves that everybody's gotta start someplace.
For Marvel completists only!

"The Purge: Election Year" (2016)

The third installment of the all-crime-is-legal-one-night-a-year series is even more political than usual. Election Day is coming up, and a Presidential hopeful says that if she wins, the first thing she will do when she takes office is abolish the annual Purge. Obviously the elite "New Founding Fathers" party don't want that to happen, so they take advantage of Purge Night to make numerous attempts on her life. Eventually she's out on the mean streets of D.C. with only her head of security (Frank Grillo, badass as usual) and a few hangers-on to keep her safe.
Unlike some of the other "Purge" films this one's more about inter-personal intrigue than ultra-violence (though there is still some primo mayhem, of course), and it dragged on a bit longer than it really needed to, but I was mostly entertained.
Now I only need to see "The First Purge" (which, despite its title, is actually the fourth film in the series) and I'll be all caught up on this franchise.

"Jay and Silent Bob Reboot" (2019)

The stoner buddies from Clerks are back again, headed on another cross country road trip to stop Hollywood from making yet another "Bluntman and Chronic" film. Of course they have numerous wacky misadventures along the way before they finally crash the official "Chronic-Con" and face off against... fandom itself!  
...if this flick feels like a re-run, it's probably intentional. I think after his 2018 heart attack, Kevin Smith just wanted to take a victory lap through his back catalog and party with a bunch of old friends. The frequent jabs at the movie and comic book industries, and pop culture in general, provide a lot of laughs. Plus, there's a nice dedication to the late Stan Lee hidden in the end credits.

(My 14 year old son recently discovered Jay and Silent Bob via YouTube and can't get enough of them, so I've been walking him through the View Askew-niverse this week... I'm not sure if that makes me the best Dad ever, or the worst. Haha.)

"The Hitcher" (2007)

A twenty something couple on a road trip through the New Mexico desert makes the mistake of picking up a stranded motorist (Sean Bean)... who turns out to be a serial killer, leading to a series of gory, ultra-violent cat and mouse games on and off the road.  
Since I haven't seen the original "Hitcher" with Rutger Hauer since I was in high school, I don't really remember enough about it to compare the two but I will say I enjoyed this flick. The action scenes are impressive, with lots of cars crashin' and blood spillin', plus the female lead was cute as hell and she wore a pair of Daisy Duke shorts for the entire movie. Put this one in the "remakes that didn't suck" column.

I've never seen the remake because I had my mind made up it would be inferior simply because Rutger Hauer wasn't the villain.

It Follows

In cinemas...

Eternals (2021)



Yawn. Boring as hell. Definitely not one of the better Marvel movie entries.

tohostudios wrote:

I've never seen the remake because I had my mind made up it would be inferior simply because Rutger Hauer wasn't the villain.

I didn't see the remake, I only saw the original. I remember really liking it, but it was years ago that I saw it. I'd probably give the remake a chance if I was bored, but I can't see it equaling the original.

At home...

Undefeatable (1993)



This very low budget 1993 martial arts film is about a deranged martial artist whose wife leaves him after he rapes her, so he ends up kidnapping (and eventually killing) women who resemble her while on the hunt to find her and kill her. A female martial artist (played by Cynthia Rothrock) whose sister is among the victims gets help from a fellow police detective to track down her sister's killer.

This movie is really, really bad, but it definitely falls into the "unintended comedy" category. The movie became more known in the late 2000s when the final fight scene went viral.

"The Swinger" (1966)

Desperate to get published, an aspiring writer (Ann-Margret) concocts a raunchy story about a girl who lives a wild, "swinging" lifestyle and sells it to a men's magazine as a true account of her own life. When the mag's hunky publisher (Tony Franciosa) tracks her down, intent on seeing her "in action," she has to pretend to be the crazy free spirit she wrote about. Wacky romantic hi-jinks ensue.
This silly sex farce was probably considered "racy" in 1966, but it's hopelessly tame, corny and outdated now. The only reason to bother watching this flick is to ogle Ann-Margret, who was a total smoke show during this era, and she does her best to liven up the weak material with her sassy performance (and a series of revealing outfits).
TL,DR review: lame movie, but fantastic eye candy.

Hey, Fat Freddy, did you ever see Undefeatable (the movie I posted above you) or even just see the fight that went viral from it?

Required Fields wrote:

Hey, Fat Freddy, did you ever see Undefeatable (the movie I posted above you) or even just see the fight that went viral from it?

Never the whole movie, but I have seen the "viral" fight scene. The director of that film (Godfrey Ho) has produced some of the worst crap ever, haha

The whole movie can be seen on YouTube for free.