TODAY I WATCHED... (Movies, TV) 2017

"Cliffhanger" (1993)

Sly Stallone is the leader of a mountain search & rescue team that battles with a gang of plane-crashed bank robbers way at the top of the Rockies.  Nothing here ranks very high on the believability scale but it's got a great cast (incl. John Lithgow as a truly slimy villain), impressive stunt work, and awesome scenery. Fun stuff.

"Jonah Hex" (2010)

Josh Brolin stars as DC Comics' scar-faced Old West gunslinger, bounty hunter, and all around tough guy, who has to stop a crazed former Confederate general turned terrorist (John Malkovich) from attacking Washington D.C. with a super weapon on the day of America's Centennial.
This entertainingly dumb shoot'em-up/blow'em up was subject to constant behind-the-scenes drama and interference during filming so what wound up on screen is a bit of a disjointed mess. It's not as bad as you've probably heard, but it's nowhere near as bad-ass as it could've, and should've been.

"Scream: The Inside Story" (2011)

Another Biography Channel horror-film documentary, this time telling the story of the 1996 hit which re-ignited Wes Craven's career and gave the horror genre a much needed jump start. As usual, there are lots of interviews and stories told by cast and crew members. Entertaining stuff if you're a fan of the series.

Welcome Back Kotter

Fat Freddy wrote:

"Halloween: The Inside Story" (2010)

Cool made-for-TV documentary about the making of John Carpenter's classic slasher film, featuring lots of behind-the-scenes photos, film clips and interviews with the cast and crew that made it happen. Surprisingly in-depth and thorough considering its basic-cable origins.

"Puppet Master" (1989)

A group of psychics meet at an old hotel to mark the passing of one of their colleagues, where they learn that their deceased friend had been messing with the forces of life and death -- by studying the notes of an old French alchemist who once commanded an army of living puppets.
Aside from the charming and cool stop-motion FX, this cult classic from Charles Band's infamous Full Moon Pictures is cheap looking and suffers from a seriously weak script...but enough people rented this one to warrant nearly a dozen sequels over the next 20+ years, so most of'em must have liked it a lot more than I did.

Guilty as charged.  I rented this one back in the day.  That musclebound puppet with the little head still creeps me out.  The film overall pretty much sucks but something about that particular puppet gets to me.

And I didn't realize the uber-hot Barbara Crampton was in this!  She was much better in Reanimator and especially From Beyond (yowza!).

Monday Night Raw

"Rumpelstiltskin" (1995)


The fairy-tale gnome has been imprisoned in a figurine since medieval times, but now he's on the loose in 1990s L.A., where he has nefarious plans for a young widow and her baby son.

...silly direct-to-video horror cheez from the writer/director of the original "Leprechaun" ... which should tell you pretty much everything you need to know.

"The Demolitionist" (1995)


In the near future, a policewoman shot down in the line of duty (Nicole Eggert of "Charles In Charge" and "Baywatch," of all creatures) is transformed into a cyborg crime fighter and turned loose on the murderous syndicate that controls the city's underworld. Bullets fly, stuff blows up, the end.

Sharp eyed genre nerds may notice Heather "Nightmare On Elm Street" Langenkamp and FX maestro Tom Savini playing minor roles in this cheap, cheesy gender swapped "RoboCop" knock-off.

"What's Up Nurse" (1977)


Cringe-worthy late '70s British "adult comedy" about a klutzy young doctor whose first assignment at a small town hospital is full of wacky hi-jinks involving large breasted nurses.
...apparently British anti-pornography laws were so strict in the '70s that sex comedies like these were the closest thing you could get to "dirty" movies in the U.K. ...which would've been fine if this flick was anywhere near watchable, but it's just a bunch of 30 second "naughty" comedy sketches that were stitched together to make a feature length film. This sort of thing might have raised eyebrows in the '70s, but it's tame as milk now.

Friday night my son and I watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 on DVD, and then on Sunday he and I went to the theatre and watched IT.

IT is getting great reviews around here.

tohostudios wrote:

IT is getting great reviews around here.

Saw it Saturday, and it's really good. So much better than that dark tower fiasco. At least it follows the book and was well done. I've never read the whole book yet, but left off just past where the movie ends. Guess I better get with it and finish the book before part two is out in theaters. Very good movie though, I liked it a lot.

"Death Spa" (1989)

A high tech Hollywood health spa is the site of several mysterious and horrific deaths, which may have been caused by a supernatural force.
This surprisingly gory, so-'80s-it-hurts flick is cheap n' cheesy in all the right ways and is actually much better than you'd expect, given its totally ludicrous premise.

"Old 37" (2015)

A pair of backwoods brothers (Kane "Jason" Hodder and Bill Mosely) cruise the remote roads of a small town in an old ambulance, posing as paramedics so they can take accident victims back to their junkyard lair to do unspeakable things to them.
Sounds like a simple enough premise but this disappointing slasher flick fumbles the ball all over the place, spending so much time on teen-drama set up involving the idiot cannon fodder we don't care about, so that by the time the good stuff finally starts you've been bored stiff. Skip it.

"Be Afraid" (2017)

A small town doctor and his family encounter "shadow people" who come out of an abandoned tunnel in the woods in the middle of the night to steal children away from their parents. It's fairly predictable, familiar stuff but it sports fine performances and a decent amount of creeping dread.

Fat Freddy wrote:

"Old 37" (2015)

A pair of backwoods brothers (Kane "Jason" Hodder and Bill Mosely) cruise the remote roads of a small town in an old ambulance, posing as paramedics so they can take accident victims back to their junkyard lair to do unspeakable things to them.
Sounds like a simple enough premise but this disappointing slasher flick fumbles the ball all over the place, spending so much time on teen-drama set up involving the idiot cannon fodder we don't care about, so that by the time the good stuff finally starts you've been bored stiff. Skip it.

Damn, that's a shame.  I like the premise, hackneyed though it is.  And with Hodder and Moseley this should have been better than you're describing it.

Quote :

Damn, that's a shame.  I like the premise, hackneyed though it is.  And with Hodder and Moseley this should have been better than you're describing it.

Yep, it was a stiff. Very disappointing cuz like you said, the premise is cool... but instead of focusing on the psychos, at least half of the movie is taken up by half ass high school drama straight out of a teen soap opera. I'm like "What is this @$#&?"

...especially cuz all the teenybop characters were such obnoxious idiots that I couldn't WAIT for them to start dying! I was like "these morons deserve everything that's gonna happen to 'em... but it better start happening before I doze off!"

tohostudios wrote:

IT is getting great reviews around here.

Wrecked Neck wrote:

tohostudios wrote:

IT is getting great reviews around here.

Saw it Saturday, and it's really good. So much better than that dark tower fiasco. At least it follows the book and was well done. I've never read the whole book yet, but left off just past where the movie ends. Guess I better get with it and finish the book before part two is out in theaters. Very good movie though, I liked it a lot.

Agree with Wrecked Neck; it's a really good flick. The performances are spot on, and it follows the book really well.

"The Saint" (2017)


Adam Rayner is the latest actor to play ultra-suave Simon Templar, a jet setting master thief with a heart of gold, who dates back to the pulp paperbacks of the 1930s. In this 21st century reboot (a pilot for a proposed TV series ... which never happened), Templar has to recover several billion dollars in stolen money from an ultra-secure location, avoid being arrested by a very determined FBI agent, and rescue a kidnapped girl from some very bad people. Fortunately, he has a foxy tech expert sidekick (Eliza "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Dushku) who helps him get the job done.

Part 007, part Robin Hood, part "Mission Impossible," this "Saint" is entertaining in a low-rent way but the globe-trotting vibe is hampered by the obvious made-for-TV budget. The cameo by Sir Roger Moore himself, in one of his final film appearances (he played Templar in the early '60s "Saint" TV series) was a nice surprise, though.

Finally finished season 2 of 'Daredevil'

Skinned Alive(1990)-Horror/comedy about a family of psychos that travel around the country in a van and kill people so they can turn their skins into leather jackets to sell. When their van breaks down in rural Ohio, there taken in an given room and board by a friendly couple who are unaware of their guests intentions. It's up to their neighbor, an alcoholic, ex-cop to try to stop them. This low budget effort is riddled with terrible acting, terrible writing and cheap effects. Maybe if your a fan of really bad movies, you might get something out of it. If not, avoid. I give it 1.5 chainsaws out of 5.

^^ Sounds crap-tacular!

and speaking of crap....

"The Video Dead" (1987)

While moving into a new house, a brother & sister find an old TV in the basement. When Bro plugs it in, he finds out it's not just a TV - it's a portal, which allows zombies to crawl out of an old horror movie and into the real world. Yeah, that's not good.
This is a cheap, one-joke movie with a couple of good gore bits and decent zombie makeup but otherwise "The Video Dead" is dumb as a box of rocks.
AVOID.

"The Cloth" (2013)


A youthful unbeliever is recruited into a top secret Catholic organization that hunts down demons on Earth. The team then has to stop a particularly nasty underworld something-or-other from bringing about the Apocalypse (again).

If this plot sounds familiar, it's been done before (way better) in flicks like "Priest," "Legion" and "The Rite," to name just a few. Everything about "The Cloth" screams "cheap," from the D-list casting (when the biggest names in the movie are Eric Roberts and Danny Trejo, and yet together they're in it for less than five minutes, you're in trouble) to the terrible acting, awkward comic book dialogue and uber-cheesy CGI effects (which make even the worst of SyFy or The Asylum's flicks look competent).

The ending of "The Cloth" teases a sequel (of course) but so far, none has materialized, for which we should all be thankful.

In other words...AVOID.

"Ban the Sadist Videos" (2005)


Ahhh, the mid '80s and their moral panics!
While American teens were facing down Tipper Gore and the PMRC, who wanted to keep W.A.S.P. and Motley Crue records out of K-Marts, a similar battle was brewing in the U.K. A well-meaning but ultimately misguided group of would-be censors sought to protect Britain's children from the mind-damaging effects of violent, gory horror movies found in local video shops, and their campaign made it to the highest levels of British government. This interesting 2-part documentary examines the national hysteria over the so-called "Video Nasty" phenomenon by interviewing the movers and shakers who were caught up in it, including politicians, filmmakers, critics and distributors.  Part 2 digs even deeper into the lasting effects the "Nasty" panic had on the U.K. movie/video industry.

A double shot of Italian horror weirdness:

"Suspiria" (1977)

Dario Argento's candy-colored nightmare about an American girl caught up in witchcraft at a fancy schmanzy German ballet school doesn't make a hella lot of sense, but it's got tons of style.

"Inferno" (1980)

Follow up to "Suspiria" moves the witchy action to New York City, where a guy comes all the way from Rome to find his missing sister and learns that her apartment building is Evil Headquarters. Just as trippy and weird as its predecessor, but I think I may like this one better.

I always really liked Suspiria. I have never seen Inferno. I'll have to remedy that.

I've never understood the love horror fans have for Suspiria.  I've always found it boring as hell.  For my money my favorite Argento movie (other than "Jenifer", his entry in the Masters of Horror series which is my all time favorite Argento flick) is Phenomena.  It's got a girl who communicates with insects, Donald Pleasance in a wheelchair, a chimpanzee and lots of gore.  What's not to like?

^^ Phenomena (aka Creepers) was my first Argento flick, still my fave.

I randomly came across Suspiria on YouTube last night (a really nice copy of the uncut version, too) and it had been years since I'd seen it. I agree that it's quite slow and I still don't think it makes much sense but visually it's a trip.

It had been dog years since I'd seen "Inferno" too. I didn't even remember that the hero was played by the same guy who starred in one of my favorite 80s moron comedies, "Hamburger: The Motion Picture." Interesting career arc... (haha)