Funniest lyrics

This song by Mr. Bungle always seemed to me like a perverted Weird Al song.



Lyrics to Squeeze Me Macaroni :
I wanna lock Betty Crocker in the kitchen
And knock her upper during supper
Clutter up her butter gutter
Hostess Ding Dong wrapped an eggroll around my wong
While Dolly Madison proceded to ping my pong
Your Milky Way is M'n'M in your britches
And I'll tell you Baby Ruth it looks mighty delicious
Keep blowing my gum, cuz here I come
I'm gonna get you all sticky with my Bubble Yum

Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a bone, baby

I was givin' some head to some french bread
It was a four course orgy on the spread of my bed
French kissin' french fries in my Fruit of the Looms
I get deeper penetration with a fork and a spoon

I got yogurt meat loaf smeared all over my ass
I stick my weiner in two buns and and then give it the gas
Sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans
Gonna bust the seams with my refried beans

Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled
With Big Mac he'll Smurf it like a Chicken McNugget
Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose
He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice
Sooper doop poop scoop, loop de loop, chicken coop
Shoot some hoop, top sirloin from the groin
Topped with dick cheese, sneeze, wheeze,
From the skeez disease, wooi!

Take a dump, baby, squirt some gravy
Pour some sugar on me, honey, make it brown & runny
Give a little Flavor Flav, back from the grave
Gonna burn some toast, pump some humpin' rump roast

Knick knack paddywhack, jump in the sack, in fact
Jerk the smack and crack Jack from the back
Bananarama or ramabanana
Fuckin' Barry Manilow on the Copa Cabana

Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna

You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn
Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born
Cookin' like a beginner, but I'm goin' up in her
I had Fritos for lunch I'm havin' bush for dinner
Chef Boyardee and the Three Muskateers
Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers
"Holy moly, guacamole!" said my Chips Ahoy
I'm gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough boy

Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a boner, baby

We came to pottie...we came to pottie down your throat

Not metal - but funny lyrics,

Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Anything by the Mentors.

Fat Freddy wrote:

Anything by the Mentors.

Would you care to post one?

I was thinking of the Bare Naked Ladies "If I had a Million Dollars" when I read the title of this thread, but somehow those lyrics don't belong in the same category as these...

Fat Freddy wrote:

Anything by the Mentors.

or Scatterbrain.

My you just got aids song.but that's ment to be funny.ahh I love stoner metal and thrash.Stoner thrash.

Another Cannibal Classic Off Of Tomb Of The Mutilated.

Swollen with liquid
Ready to burst
A load of my lymph
Will quench this dead body's thirst
One month in the grave
twisted and half decayed
She turned a putrid yellow
I pissed in her maggot filled sfincter
smurfing the rotting
My semen is bleeding
The smell of decay
Seeps from her genital cavity
The smell was unbearable
As I unburied her
I cum blood from my erection
I feel it run
down her throat, swallow
Eyes glassy and vacant
body dug up to play with
Skin greasy and naked
tounguing her rotted anus
I need a live woman
to fill with my fluid
A delicate girl, to mutilate, Smurf and kill
her body exceptional
she thought I was normal
but I wanted more
I came blood inside of her
chocking on the clot
gagging on the snot
gushing blood, from her mouth
bloody gel leaking out
Body buried in a shallow grave
Unmarked for none to find
The sickness I have left behind
Undetected go my crimes
The greatest thrill of my life
To slit my own rooster with a knife
Violent, climax
Serging serum
on my skin
Back from the dead
I am resurrected
to spew, putrefaction

any thing by them is funny to me.Am I evil?

Am I Evil? wrote:

My you just got aids song.but that's ment to be funny.ahh I love stoner metal and thrash.Stoner thrash.

Another Cannibal Classic Off Of Tomb Of The Mutilated.

Swollen with liquid
Ready to burst
A load of my lymph
Will quench this dead body's thirst
One month in the grave
twisted and half decayed
She turned a putrid yellow
I pissed in her maggot filled sfincter
smurfing the rotting
My semen is bleeding
The smell of decay
Seeps from her genital cavity
The smell was unbearable
As I unburied her
I cum blood from my erection
I feel it run
down her throat, swallow
Eyes glassy and vacant
body dug up to play with
Skin greasy and naked
tounguing her rotted anus
I need a live woman
to fill with my fluid
A delicate girl, to mutilate, Smurf and kill
her body exceptional
she thought I was normal
but I wanted more
I came blood inside of her
chocking on the clot
gagging on the snot
gushing blood, from her mouth
bloody gel leaking out
Body buried in a shallow grave
Unmarked for none to find
The sickness I have left behind
Undetected go my crimes
The greatest thrill of my life
To slit my own rooster with a knife
Violent, climax
Serging serum
on my skin
Back from the dead
I am resurrected
to spew, putrefaction

any thing by them is funny to me.Am I evil?

Yeah, I saw sparks fly
From the corner of my eye
And when I turned (whoo)
It was love at first sight
I said please excuse me
I didn't catch your name (whoa)
It'd be a shame
Not to see you again

And just when I thought
She was coming to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor
She said

Chorus:
I'm only seventeen (seventeen)
I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me

Come to my place
We can talk it over (oh)
Everything going down in your head
She said take it easy
I need some time
Time to work it out
To make you mine

And just when I thought
She was coming to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor
She said,

Chorus:
I'm only seventeen (seventeen)
You ain't seen love
Ain't seen nothing like me
She's only seventeen
Seventeen........yeah!!!!

(Guitar Solo)

Such a bad girl
Loves to work me over time
Feels good (ha)
Dancin' close to the borderline
She's a magic mountain
She's a leather glove (oh)
She's my soul
It must be love

Chorus:
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
The girl she gives me love like I've never seen
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me
Seventeen!!
She's everything I need (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough
Old enough for me
Yeah! Yeah!!

Troublezone wrote:

Am I Evil? wrote:

My you just got aids song.but that's ment to be funny.ahh I love stoner metal and thrash.Stoner thrash.

Another Cannibal Classic Off Of Tomb Of The Mutilated.

Swollen with liquid
Ready to burst
A load of my lymph
Will quench this dead body's thirst
One month in the grave
twisted and half decayed
She turned a putrid yellow
I pissed in her maggot filled sfincter
smurfing the rotting
My semen is bleeding
The smell of decay
Seeps from her genital cavity
The smell was unbearable
As I unburied her
I cum blood from my erection
I feel it run
down her throat, swallow
Eyes glassy and vacant
body dug up to play with
Skin greasy and naked
tounguing her rotted anus
I need a live woman
to fill with my fluid
A delicate girl, to mutilate, Smurf and kill
her body exceptional
she thought I was normal
but I wanted more
I came blood inside of her
chocking on the clot
gagging on the snot
gushing blood, from her mouth
bloody gel leaking out
Body buried in a shallow grave
Unmarked for none to find
The sickness I have left behind
Undetected go my crimes
The greatest thrill of my life
To slit my own rooster with a knife
Violent, climax
Serging serum
on my skin
Back from the dead
I am resurrected
to spew, putrefaction

any thing by them is funny to me.Am I evil?

Yeah, I saw sparks fly
From the corner of my eye
And when I turned (whoo)
It was love at first sight
I said please excuse me
I didn't catch your name (whoa)
It'd be a shame
Not to see you again

And just when I thought
She was coming to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor
She said

Chorus:
I'm only seventeen (seventeen)
I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me

Come to my place
We can talk it over (oh)
Everything going down in your head
She said take it easy
I need some time
Time to work it out
To make you mine

And just when I thought
She was coming to my door
She whispered sweet
And brought me to the floor
She said,

Chorus:
I'm only seventeen (seventeen)
You ain't seen love
Ain't seen nothing like me
She's only seventeen
Seventeen........yeah!!!!

(Guitar Solo)

Such a bad girl
Loves to work me over time
Feels good (ha)
Dancin' close to the borderline
She's a magic mountain
She's a leather glove (oh)
She's my soul
It must be love

Chorus:
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
The girl she gives me love like I've never seen
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me
Seventeen!!
She's everything I need (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough
Old enough for me
Yeah! Yeah!!

OHHHHHHHH MY GOD!!!!!STOP WITH THE WINGER

Troublezone wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

Anything by the Mentors.

Would you care to post one?

If I did, it would overload the "smurf" filter and I'd probably get banned.

For Fat Freddy...


"Golden Showers"


Listen little girl it´s near the hour
Come with me and take golden shower
Listen little slut, do as you´re told
Come with daddy for me to pour the gold
Golden shower, it´s getting near the hour
For a golden shower,
I´ve got the righteous power
All through my excrements you shall roam
Open your mouth and taste the foam
Bend up and smell my anal vapor
Your face is my toilet paper
Golden shower, I´ve got the power
For a golden shower,
I´ve got the righteous power
Our relationship I don´t want to spoil it
You are my personal toilet
Listen little girl
It´s getting near the hour
On your face I leave a smurf poo tower
smurf poo tower, prune skin power
Smellin´ sour, it´s the smurf poo tower
Golden showers,
It´s getting near the hours
For a golden shower,
I´ve got the righteous power

You go TZ... but if you get banned for that it's all on you. My conscience is clear.

Fat Freddy wrote:

You go TZ... but if you get banned for that it's all on you. My conscience is clear.

Well, i tried to pick one that is a little less shocking. I figure that if it's unacceptable it'll just get erased.

But if anyone has a problem with them..."The Mentors" are Fat Freddy approved.

Troublezone wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

You go TZ... but if you get banned for that it's all on you. My conscience is clear.

I figure that if it's unacceptable it'll just get erased.

The way this thread is going, the whole thing is probably gonna get erased sooner or later.

Quote :

Well, i tried to pick one that is a little less shocking

There's no such thing as a "less shocking" Mentors song. They're ALL shocking.

Fat Freddy wrote:

Troublezone wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

You go TZ... but if you get banned for that it's all on you. My conscience is clear.

I figure that if it's unacceptable it'll just get erased.

The way this thread is going, the whole thing is probably gonna get erased sooner or later.

Quote :

Well, i tried to pick one that is a little less shocking

There's no such thing as a "less shocking" Mentors song. They're ALL shocking.

Specifically, "shock and grossed".

I should get my aids song and post it.

Am I Evil? wrote:

I should get my aids song and post it.

Please don't

manny wrote:

Am I Evil? wrote:

I should get my aids song and post it.

Please don't

it's more going against all theses little skanks around my age.
I need a girl that is harder to put it in but in the end is better.

When I first heard Anthrax's "I'm the Man", I thought the lyrics where the funniest ones ever.

Why is the word
G
A
Y
a filtered word around here? There's nothing remotely offensive about it.

How's about this little snippet from Slunt's "My Cat's G*y"? The whole song is a hoot but this part in particular always gets me...

"I think my cat's a rug muncher, she told me yesterday
So I changed her name to Ellen and I told her it's OK
We rounded up some female strays early the next morn
Then yes, your honor, I strapped one on'er and shot some Kitty Porn!"

Suicidal Tendencies "I Saw your Mommy" always made me laugh

Yesterday as I went out of the house
I saw a body lying down quiet as a mouse
She was lying face down in the sewer
What you do-I got up closer and realized that I knew her
What you see-All her organs coming from her inside
That's nasty-Slashed up skin, sliced-up hide
Tell me some more-Turned her over and saw the tire tracks on her head
Then what-That's when I realized she was dead

[CHORUS]
Twisted body, chopped-off feet
her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I wonder how much you had to pay
To get your mom killed in such a bloody way

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I watched her as she bled
Well she had-Chewed-off toes on her chopped-off feet
Say what?-I took a picture 'cause I thought it was neat
That's cold-But the thing I like seeing the best
What's that-Was the rodents using her hair as a nest
Damn-I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead

[CHORUS]

I know it is your allowance that you'll really miss
But make it look good at her funeral and give her a kiss

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I saw her lying in a pool of read-And she doesn't know how to swim
I think it's the greatest thing I'll ever see-What's that?
Your dead mommy lying in front of me
I'll always remember her lying dead on the floor
I hope she dies twenty times more

I saw your mommy and your mommy is dead

Dusted off Anthrax's "ATTACK OF THE KILLER B's" for the first time in awhile today and I'd forgotten how funny the lyrics to "Startin' Up A Posse" and "N.F.B. (Dallabnikufesin)" were.