May there be peace among all

I know there are people who have issues with me, are angry with me, or
just plain have a problem with me. It is understandable. I came here to
set things right, hopefully once and for all. I know I have said this
before, and stabbed people in the back. I know and admit this. I am
truly and sincerely sorry to the friends I hurt, one way or
another. I would like to make things right, with those who I have hurt,
or those who are angry with me, for whatever reason. I know there are
many, I have accepted this. I do want to make attempts to make things
right once and for all. I am not apologizing so I can be accepted back
into the club, or so I can post again. I only sincerely want to make
things right with those, who I have hurt, and those who have been
scarred by me. Whatever the reason. I woke up the end of last year, and
something just clicked. A light bulb went off, to improve my personal
life, and make right what needs to be made right. This post goes out to
those persons. If you feel this is not enough please feel free to email
me at heathemiller AT gmail dot com and tell me what I can do to make
things right. If you need an apology over the phone, I will call you.
If you want me to pay for your message board for damages I did, I will
paypal you, just say the word. Whatever you feel will help heal your
anger, resentment, whatever towards me, please make a reasonable
request. I will make every attempt to make everything right. Peace.
Heath

I personally have no idea what this is all aout..but this seems to be a step in the right direction, Heath.

Admittance of an issue and striving for resolve are big steps...

I hope you can iron this all out soon...best of luck.

Yeah. I don't want to rehash the story. I know there are those that have a problem, feel hurt, feel like I stabbed them in the back. I am saying, yes I did. I know people feel this way because I am topic of discussion still to this day. So I want to once and for all fix it. I will do what it takes. The people who are affected, or feel they are affected know what it is all about. It did take alot to make an apology, and I will do what it takes to heal wounds. Sometimes you know all it takes is a phone call. Sadly I fear the people who feel affected will never respond, and will just keep all the anger and resentment. I am here to fix it. Like I said I will do what it takes to make right what is wrong. Just shoot me an email. Say this is enough we are cool, talk to me on the phone, whatever you want.

Can ya get me one of those cute little sailor hats, Heath? haha

Im glad to see you back Heath.I always got along with you and I dont know about this whole story,I just know some of the folks over at CMR had issues,but it seems you're doing the right thing.Glad to hear from ya bro.

i don't know you man, but the gents here are pretty nice guys. i think it's against their religion not to forgive you.

Heath: I don't think you can erase the past. That is just how mankind works. I have no problem forgiving you, and you are welcome to post here, like all the others. But the best you can do is to try your utmost not to do anything similar again. I hope we can put it all behind us, and get along. But I would have to say that the ball is in your court, buddy.

As I stated in the other thread on the old board, we're cool.

kmorg wrote:

Heath: I don't think you can erase the past. That is just how mankind works. I have no problem forgiving you, and you are welcome to post here, like all the others. But the best you can do is to try your utmost not to do anything similar again. I hope we can put it all behind us, and get along. But I would have to say that the ball is in your court, buddy.

good point, well said. Makes total sense. Will do. Actions speak louder then words

I have never been a person to harbor grudges, and don't intend to now. Whether you believe it or not, I have always tried to stick up for you whenever possible. I was one of the main voices for giving you multiple chances, much to the disdain of others at times. I can deal with that and did. I'm over it.

My issues were when stuff would get drug to other boards and personal attacks were made...and I had to stumble across these things to even be given a remote chance of defending myself. That hurt...a lot. I realize that that is part of the ugly underbelly of message boards, and there is probably no way to ever truly fix that, as text and graphics can not properly convey emotion and feeling. But, I was VERY hurt by some stuff that was said and done, yes. I won't lie. I had people calling my integrity into question, and that hurts.

On the flip side, I probably also said some things out of anger and frustration...I'm human and I fail people sometimes. For that I apologize as well.

Do I forgive you? Absolutely. Am I willing to try to rebuild and re-establish a positive relationship? Certainly! I thought we were on that road a couple of months ago on the old version of this board. That was then, this is now, though, and I am willing to try again. But I am not going to lie...I have always been a "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me" kind of person. And I feel like I have been played for a fool at times (and certainly not just by you...I've had former members of my own moderating staff play me as well...). Is there some trepidation? Yes...I would be lying if I said otherwise.

I truly hope all is well with you, Heath, and that your life takes the positive turn you seem to deserve. I know you went through a lot. And whether you choose to believe or not, I pray that God will make His face shine upon you with grace and love.



Arttie


P.S. Any chance you still have the old reviews I wrote for your old site? Just curious...

I am truly sorry for the things I said about you Arttie. No matter what, the things I said did not need to be said, or made public. I could give you excuses why, but honestly that kind of stuff should have never happened. I am very sorry. You might not believe it, but I did lose sleep and I did and do feel very guilty over it. I am sorry. I know you said things about me, it is very easy to get caught up in it. Especially in the heat of the moment. It is ok, I deserved it. That is how I see it.

One thing I wish is people who have such a problem with me, or are angry whatever could meet me or talk to me. It is really impossible to truly know a person just from some internet posts. Everyone of us at one time or another comes across as someone they are not on the internet. I really wish the people that have so many problems with me, could meet me and see the type of person I really am. Or at the least call me. The thing that bothers me the most is the people who have the biggest problems, will not call me, or even as much as respond to this or email. Instead they will just continue on being angry, and continue to attack me, rather then resolve the issue

Yes, my parents abused/neglected me, made me sell drugs, had me live in a Crack house, and a whole slew of other things. Yeah, I have done some crazy stuff in the military, it should never be an excuse to how we act towards each other. Basically when insults were slung, I was drunk or just had a bad day and took it out on the people that were hurt. It may sound like hollow words right now, but it is something that is part of my past. The old Heath was buried once and for all a few months back.

I really have come such a long way though. Sometimes when you change, you really can feel it. It is an impossible feeling to explain. I feel better then ever as of recently. I have been eating better, living better, working out all the time, and had alot of personal improvements in my life. Really though like Kmorg said. Lets see some action buddy, you can talk the talk, but lets see the walk. So, at least on this board you will some action. If you know me outside of the net, you will see even bigger improvements.

Anything that happened between you & I was settled by us a long time ago. I haven't really had any problems with you since then. I do think Kmorg's post holds the words of wisdom.

cool, thank you brontotex

P.S. Any chance you still have the old reviews I wrote for your old site? Just curious...


I am sorry I deleted the entire site. I only did it recently. A few months back I decided to try and erase all memory of me from the internet, and vowed not to have any memory of me on the internet, with the exception of Ebay. I spent hours doing research, and contacting admins to remove myself from the net. In the process I deleted that entire site. I am sorry about that. Do you have them backed up?

Hey Heath. Welcome back bro. I've never had a problem with you and I've known you for about 4 years. You were the first to accept me at the CMR and brought me over to the 80's board that you ran. (I had a different name then). You rigged a contest to pretty much let me get a free Sardonyx shirt and tape because you knew I was new to metal.

Those are good memories for me and although we pretty much went different ways after the 80's board went down, I've got no issue with you at all.

It's good to see you posting again dood.

No, I don't have anything from the old board.

metallinostheos wrote:

Hey Heath. Welcome back bro. I've never had a problem with you and I've known you for about 4 years. You were the first to accept me at the CMR and brought me over to the 80's board that you ran. (I had a different name then). You rigged a contest to pretty much let me get a free Sardonyx shirt and tape because you knew I was new to metal.

Those are good memories for me and although we pretty much went different ways after the 80's board went down, I've got no issue with you at all.

It's good to see you posting again dood.

Hey that's cool! I remember that, darn Tom sent me a medium shirt. I have not a medium shirt since I was 6. :lol!:

That's cool. I felt kind of bummed last night and today that I got so much hate mail, and some nasty posts. I guess I should have expected it, but I didn't. I guess from my point of view, I see how sincere I am, and sorry, and that I have changed a person for the better, in many ways and aspects. It just really bummed me out. Just because a person is not a Christian, or religious, does not mean they don't feel guilt and shame, and have a sense of morals, and desire to fix the wrongs in there life. I just hope the people that have been hurt, or are still angry will someday find peace. One of the things that bothers me the most, someone is hurting because of something I did

I responded in another thread elsewhere recently, but I'm afraid it got lost in the hub-bub so I wanted to post it here.

Quote :

I have no hard feelings toward you and wish you the best in life and
hope that you can find the peace that you are searching for. There is
obviously a lot going on behind the scenes in your life that none of us
are aware of that have caused you the strife that you've been through.
I pray and hope that you are able to overcome those difficulties, rise
above it, and gain back trust from others and the love for yourself
that you deserve.

Rexorcist wrote:

I responded in another thread elsewhere recently, but I'm afraid it got lost in the hub-bub so I wanted to post it here.

Quote :

I have no hard feelings toward you and wish you the best in life and
hope that you can find the peace that you are searching for. There is
obviously a lot going on behind the scenes in your life that none of us
are aware of that have caused you the strife that you've been through.
I pray and hope that you are able to overcome those difficulties, rise
above it, and gain back trust from others and the love for yourself
that you deserve.

No, I read your response REX. I read every response. I was tired certain things people were saying I felt werent true, so I made a response over there. I also wanted to make a point in my response. I hope it does not come across the wrong way. I am not mad, or upset, and it was not an angry post. Just for your heads up. I am 100 percent positive someone will pick it apart, or try and read deeper into it. I had asked Arttie if I could make an apology, and he approved my membership. I am sorry parts of it got ugly, it why I did not respond. This was not my intention. I had to say what I said today though.

Unfortunately I'm also sure it'll be picked apart as well. In fact I almost closed it down just to end the madness.

Rexorcist wrote:

Unfortunately I'm also sure it'll be picked apart as well. In fact I almost closed it down just to end the madness.

well, I have said my peace. If you feel it turns or ugly or has gotten to ugly, and you want to lock it up, I say go for it. I said my peace, everyone else has said there peace.

Well, I'd hate to close it overly too early. I'm hoping things will lighten up and it'll take a turn back in the right direction on its own (so to speak). But if it keeps going like it is.....

Thats cool. if I could ask, don't close it if someone is giving an opinion. Who am I talking to, you know what you are doing.

Ive never had issues with you Heath

Though it is so awesome to see forgiveness displayed