The Fat Freddy Review Column

STILL more new stuff! I'm on a roll this week!

DVD REVIEW: GOTHKILL (C+)
Wild Eye Releasing, 2009
Directed By J.J. Connelly
Starring Flambeaux, Eve Blackwater, Erica Giovinazzo, Michael Day and “Mistress Juliya” Chernetsky
Run Time: 75 Minutes
Rating: None

GOTHKILL was an unusual review offering for Detritus – a direct-to-DVD low budget horror movie. We’re not a horror ‘zine, so why did they pick us? I can only guess that Wild Eye Releasing must be marketing the film to the metal crowd, as the DVD sports an impressive cover by underground metal artist Mike Hrubovcak, (who’s done album cover artwork for Mortician and Grave, and who also sings in several death metal bands) and the press materials trumpet the fact that metal pin-up gal Mistress Juliya Chernetsky, hostess of FUSE-TV’s “Uranium” program, makes an appearance in the film as a Satanic minion. I’m a confirmed B-Movie lover and happen to be in the midst of my annual “Schlock-tober” DVD marathon (a nightly horror movie event at my home during the Halloween season), so GOTHKILL fit nicely into the midst of my carnage-fueled, monster-n-slasher-n-zombie filled movie playlist.

An (intentionally?) campy, shoestring-budget, shot-on-video flick written and directed by the previously-unknown (at least by me) J.J. Connelly, GOTHKILL may not be an especially great movie (in other words, don’t expect to hear about it around Oscar time), but it is a fast-moving, fun one. It stars a cast of New York City-based unknowns headed by an underground pyrotechnician/performance artist who’s known only as "Flambeaux." Put it to you this way...I've seen better but I've also seen a hell (pun intended) of a lot worse! Our story: Back in the days of the Inquisition, Dread (Flambeaux) was a priest who realized that people were being charged with Witchcraft and burned at the stake merely because the Church wanted to claim their land and fortunes for itself. Naturally he is quickly proclaimed a heretic and put to the stake himself in order to keep him quiet. Luckily for Dread but unluckily for the rest of the world, before expiring he manages to make a last minute deal with Satan to serve him instead. He then spends the next couple of centuries as a serial murderer, collecting 100,000 souls for Lucifer in anticipation of receiving his own Kingdom in Hell when he's fulfilled his end of the deal. Captured and executed in present day New York City once he reaches his murder quota, Dread awakens in the afterlife to find himself not in a Kingdom, but alone in a dark netherworld. Needless to say, he's pretty pissed off and swears vengeance, once he finds the way out of Hell.

His escape route comes in the form of youthful Annie and her cousin Kate, who have just moved into an apartment together in New York City. Annie is about to begin college and her older cousin is more than ready to introduce her to NYC's thriving underground "Goth" subculture. While getting outfitted in proper leatherwear at the local Goth store, they are invited to a party thrown by the "Scorpion Society," who are apparently the coolest Goth group in the city. At the Scorpion party the innocent Annie is exposed to heavy electronic/techno music, guys dressed as vampires, hot half-dressed chicks gyrating around in leather gear, and all the stereotypical "goth" stuff you see in Marilyn Manson videos. The pasty-faced group's leader announces that the girls have arrived just in time for a "special ceremony" which turns out to involve date rape drugs. Once Annie and Kate are passed out, he reads an incantation from a spell book, which unfortunately brings Mr. Dread back from the dead. He takes over Annie's unconscious body and now that he’s been unleashed on Earth again, Dread/Annie delivers a hilarious soliloquy berating the Goths for being posers who don't know what "real evil" is before going on a comical killing spree, dispatching everyone in the club in loving (low budget) bloody detail and finally gaining the souls he needs for his private Hell Kingdom. (SPOILER ALERT) The hilariously cheesy final scene, showing Dread on a throne cackling, breathing fire, and lording over the writhing, tortured bodies of the Goths against a cheap computer generated flaming background is worth the rental price all by itself.

In a nutshell, GOTHKILL is a sleazy good time, loaded with plenty of boobs and buckets of blood (none of the boobs are Ms. Chernetsky's, unfortunately; if they were my rating would go up a few extra points!) in its short running time (75 minutes) so if that sounds like your bag, then feel free to rent this one. Flambeaux's performance as Dread is an absolute hoot to watch and he obviously had a lot of fun with his over-the-top role, which is a good thing, as the rest of the cast are less than professional caliber. J.J. Connelly squeezes the most that he can get out of his micro-budget, with some nice scenes shot on the seamier side of NYC. If you've ever looked down upon those snotty, sad-faced Goth kiddies hanging around the food court at the Mall and wished they'd get some comeuppance, then GOTHKILL should provide some vicarious satisfaction. This is the kind of flick that could become a cult horror/comedy in years to come, but lovers of more serious horror will probably want to pass on it.

Bonus materials on the DVD include a Q&A with director JJ Conelly and a commentary track by Connelly, Flambeaux, and Eve Blackwater; a “Girls of Gothkill” photo gallery; some additional “Wild Eye” grindhouse-style trailers for movies that look suspiciously fake (But if “Bloody Ape” isn’t a real movie, it should be!) and other assorted goodies that stretch out GOTHKILL’s short run time into a full night’s worth of Halloween revelry.

And one more... whew, I'm tired.

CROWN THE LOST – BLIND FAITH LOYALTY (B-)
Cruz Del Sur Music, 2009
10 Tracks, RT: 54:35

Crown the Lost is a technical speed metal outfit that rose from the ashes of Pittsburgh, PA ’s Sinning Is Our Savior, and BLIND FAITH LOYALTY is their second CD under their new moniker. I reviewed their previous (self released) disc, REVERENCE DIES WITHIN, for Detritus a year or two back and if memory serves I found it to be a decent, but not totally memorable, hunk of shred/metal that showed potential. BLIND FAITH LOYALTY (their first release on the Cruz Del Sur label) is superior to their previous release and shows that Crown the Lost continues to refine their sound, though they still seem to be missing that extra “special something” that would change their status from a band that’s merely “okay” in my book to a band I’m totally crazy about. Your main reference points here would seem to be a hybrid of Megadeth circa RUST IN PEACE and the progressive weirdness of mid-period Nevermore; maybe with a hit of Steel Prophet thrown in for flavor. I don’t have a lyric sheet so I can’t tell you what’s on Crown the Lost’s collective minds, but titles like “Bound To Wrath,” “Symbiotic,” “Defame the Hypocrites” would seem to indicate that they aren’t singing about sunshine and bunnies. While the musicianship is top notch on BLIND FAITH LOYALTY; the main complaint I have is that they’re one of those bands that has a LOT of lyrics, if you know what I mean. By the mid point of the album it becomes hard to concentrate on the musical goings-on because Chris Renaldi seems to be constantly singing endless sets of complicated sounding lyrics, without ever stopping to take a breath or let his band mates shine for a moment until there’s a guitar solo. Maybe they oughta tell him to shut up once in a while and let the other guys jam a little more. Despite that, BLIND FAITH LOYALTY is a decent slab of quality shred that should find Crown The Lost more than a few fans among the power/prog crowd.

Nice review, but were is the Lex Metalis review?

ultmetal wrote:

Nice review, but were is the Lex Metalis review?

Wnenever I get around to buying the CD, I'll review it.

Unless you wanna send me one? (bats eyelashes)

Fat Freddy wrote:

ultmetal wrote:

Nice review, but were is the Lex Metalis review?

Wnenever I get around to buying the CD, I'll review it.

Unless you wanna send me one? (bats eyelashes)

What about Sonic Boom? Or do you want to wait until it comes up in the KISSography thread?

Fat Freddy wrote:

ultmetal wrote:

Nice review, but were is the Lex Metalis review?

Wnenever I get around to buying the CD, I'll review it.

Unless you wanna send me one? (bats eyelashes)

Wish I had one to send you. We have to pay for them too.

ultmetal wrote:

Wish I had one to send you. We have to pay for them too.

Sigh. Well, it was worth a shot.

Quote :

What about Sonic Boom? Or do you want to wait until it comes up in the KISSography thread?

I still have a bunch of other sh*t in the "to be reviewed" pile but depending on how ambitious I'm feeling in the next week or so I was already thinking of bangin' out a SONIC BOOM review once those others are out of the way.

nice overviews dude

Finishing off my Halloween Horror Hootenanny with a hatchet job on a particularly odious direct-to-DVD movie....

DVD REVIEW: SURVIVE THIS! (D) Regain Records, 2009
Starring: Dale Resteghini, Gina Lynn, Kamal Ahmed, Gina Nicolini
Directed by: Ed Wahl

Detritus’ Halloween Horror Hootenanny continues!! Well, sort of. Last week I reviewed a new, metal themed direct-to-DVD horror flick (GOTHKILL) that made its way to my B-Movie compound, and now I’ve got another entry to review, SURVIVE THIS (not to be confused with the Canadian reality TV show that aired briefly on Cartoon Network over the summer). So how does SURVIVE THIS stack up against GOTHKILL? Lemme put it to you this way: GOTHKILL was not a great flick, but compared to SURVIVE THIS, it looks like “Citizen Kane.” A quick look at the SURVIVE THIS listing on IMDB didn’t show much promise for this flick. IMDB lists it as a 2005 release, but the DVD’s copyright date is 2008, (and I didn’t receive it to review till mid-2009) which means this baby has been gathering dust on a shelf for quite awhile….never a good sign. The cast list is a mix of unknowns and D-list celebrities like porn queen Gina Lynn, former Jerky Boy Kamal Ahmed, and that “Naked Cowboy” street performer nut-bag who hangs around Times Square in New York City. I sat down with DVD remote in hand wondering what exactly I was in for when I rolled this one. Mind you, I’m the kinda guy who actively seeks out and enjoys bad movies, but sadly, SURVIVE THIS is not the “good” kind of bad. In fact, it’s so bad that it’s almost completely unwatchable. Was SURVIVE THIS supposed to be a comedy? If so, it failed miserably. Is it supposed to be a horror movie? If so, it failed miserably at that too. This may not be the worst movie I've ever seen, but it comes pretty damn close.

Plot-wise, SURVIVE THIS tells the tale of wanna-be reality-TV show producer Cory Lodge, who is struggling to get the cameras rolling on his latest show idea. He manages to get a local mobster-looking guy to bankroll his fledgling production, which is then saddled with endless problems before shooting begins. The idea for his show (also titled “Survive This”) is that a group of regular folks will compete in various challenges against a group of celebrities for a half-million dollar prize. The show is to be shot on "Pirate Island" (the end credits show that the film was actually shot on the beaches of Massapequa, Long Island, which is a pretty piss-poor substitute for what’s supposed to be a tropical paradise, by the way!), and as the cast and crew soon find out, Pirate Island is so named because it's haunted by the murderous ghosts of a pirate ship crew. That's your set up, but unfortunately not much is done with it. The "celebrities" promptly get lost when their boat arrives on Pirate Island and spend a big hunk of the movie wandering around the forests and bickering, until they eventually get killed (off screen!) by the ghostly pirates (who look as if their costumes and make up were purchased at the local Party City Outlet Store) before they ever get to interact with the "regular" cast members. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast and crew drink, party, and play volleyball till the ghostly pirates show up late in the running time and murder pretty much everybody before the Virginal Nice Girl (every horror movie has to have one, y’know) figures out how to send them back to their underwater resting place. I'm sorry if this is not the most detailed plot description but seriously, "Survive This" gave me very little to work with. It's annoyingly random, totally unfunny, and not scary or suspenseful in the least.

I honestly am left scratching my head as to why this movie was sent to Detritus for review. There are literally hundreds of bad-movie web sites that probably would’ve creamed their jeans over this thing. Why us? Other than the fact that Regain Records, a heavy metal record label, is distributing this DVD, there’s nothing music related in the movie, aside from a brief cameo by Jamey Jasta of Hatebreed (yes, FREAKIN’ HATEBREED!!) whose character gets a quick battle axe in his back, and some annoying Creed-style modern rock band whose songs are played in the background throughout the movie. Honestly, the only saving grace of this made-for-video production (and the only thing that kept it from receiving my first-ever “F” grade) is that the female cast members are all totally hot and they spend the majority of the movie either in swimsuits or topless. That said, if I wanted to watch a movie starring hot chicks in various states of undress, I would've rented a porn. To add insult to injury, the DVD cover proclaims that this movie is "So Graphic, You Will Want More," which is totally false advertising. What little blood/gore there is in this movie is far from "graphic," and cheaply done to boot. In short, a better title for this movie would have been "AVOID THIS" or "IGNORE THIS." I've bought DVDs at the Dollar Store that had more entertainment value.

In case you care, the DVD's "bonus features" include a bunch of deleted scenes featuring more half naked girls, a photo gallery of the half naked girls, a bonus clip of the half naked Gina Lynn rubbing up against one of her female co-stars (noticing a pattern here?), and a 24 page comic book adaptation of the film included in the DVD case. I liked the comic book better than the actual movie, because it took less time to read the comic than it did to watch the DVD. This flick is recommended only for insomniacs, the terminally out-to lunch, or the friends and family members of the cast and crew. Everyone else can safely skip SURVIVE THIS.

Wow, that sounds absolutely abysmal. Except for the hot, topless girls of course.

tohostudios wrote:

Wow, that sounds absolutely abysmal. Except for the hot, topless girls of course.

Dude, you have NO idea. I almost NEVER turn a movie off before it's over, but I came DAMN close with this one.

The only reason it doesn't rank as the absolute worst movie I've ever seen is because Andy Milligan's "Carnage" exists.

Worse than Manos Hands Of Fate?

tohostudios wrote:

Worse than Manos Hands Of Fate?

I've only seen "Manos: Hands of Fate" in its MST3K version, but I doubt even the MST3K crew could've made "Survive This!" entertaining.

Another fresh batch!!


PRO-PAIN – NO END IN SIGHT (C+) Regain Records, 2008
11 Tracks, RT: 40:40
Pro-Pain’s back, and yeah, they’re still pretty pissed off, which should come as no surprise to anyone who’s familiar with their past work. This New York institution has been pounding out their working class, blue collar hardcore/groove metal since the early 90s and NO END IN SIGHT pretty much picks up where their last album, AGE OF TYRANNY, left off – eleven burly, brutal anthems with lotsa chunky guitar riffage, mosh-worthy midsections, shout-along gang choruses, and the trademark hoarse, guttural shouts of hulking bassist/vocalist/former Crumbsucker Gary Meskil laid over the top. The lyrics on NO END IN SIGHT cover the standard hardcore ground (i.e. standing up for your rights, spitting in the face of The Man, holding your head high against the struggles of everyday life, etc.) with the exception of “God’s Will,” which takes inspiration from the Old Testament of the Bible (with lines like “Behold, the Lord will come in fire” and “The End of Days has begun, the time is at hand,” I’m guessing the Book of Revelations was the main source for this one). Of course, no hardcore album would be complete without at least one jam saluting the long time fans and the good old days of “the scene” and on NO END IN SIGHT that track is “Go It Alone.” I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been a particularly huge fan of Pro-Pain’s style of pummeling jar-head rock, but giving credit where it’s due, these guys do it well. Hell, when you think about it, they practically invented the style. These guys may not be doing anything spectacularly innovative these days but if you’re a Pro-Pain fan, you can pick NO END IN SIGHT up with confidence. It should have you starting up an old school circle pit in your bedroom in nothing flat.

HATESPHERE – TO THE NINES (C-) Napalm Records, 2009
10 Tracks, RT: 34:36
This Danish death/thrash machine has been kickin’ out albums since 2001 and TO THE NINES is their sixth full-length. I had never heard the band till this CD crossed my desk and after a few spins of TO THE NINES my reaction was pretty much “Ehhhh, whatever.” I hate to sound like a dick but Hatesphere was one of those bands that sounded fine till the vocalist opened his mouth. The vox are all one-note WOOOOOARRRRRGH, all the time, and I've never been able to tolerate that vocal style for very long, so TO THE NINES became an instant chore to listen to. Thankfully the disc is short (clocking in at just shy of 35 minutes) so my suffering was kept to a minimum. I’ll give Hatesphere grudging points for the vicious, crunchy Slayer-style riffage and for the hilarious song title “Cloaked in Sh*t,” but beyond that, this band/album continued to go in one ear, out the other after several plays. I suppose this would be a good pickup for those of you who can’t get enough of the melodic Scandi-Death sound, so if that’s your thing feel free to go nuts. As for me, I won’t be listening to this one again any time soon. Sorry, fellas.


SOLITUDE – POISONED POPULATION: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION 1987-1994 2-CD (B)
Divebomb/Tribunal Records, 2009
Disc 1: 12 Tracks, RT: 49:35 (plus enhanced video)
Disc 2: 14 Tracks, RT: 63:36 (plus enhanced video)

Wow… for a new label, Divebomb Records is batting a thousand with me so far! The retro-specialist division of Tribunal Records has been unearthing some seriously cool, long lost metal gems lately and turning me on to some killer bands that I missed out on during their first go-rounds. Hot on the heels of their excellent demos compilation from Dominance (RESURRECTED, which I reviewed here a few weeks ago), I’m now digging this sweet 2-disc collection from the previously unknown-to-me Solitude, a Delaware-based band whose heyday in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s resulted in three demo tapes, an appearance on a METAL MASSACRE compilation album and an album (1994’s FROM WITHIN) that was only released in Europe (it was supposed to come out in the U.S. on the short lived Red Light Records – home of El Duce’s SLAVE TO THY MASTER solo album, if memory serves - but the label went belly up only weeks before its release date). The FROM WITHIN album (1994) makes up the first disc of this set and it’s a solid collection of tunes. Old timers will remember that by the turn of the ‘90s, many mosh-minded bands were slowing things down a bit and injecting some “groove” into their sound (think COWBOYS-era Pantera or the first few Bush-era Anthrax discs) in an attempt to move away from the blinding speed & technicality that marked most 80s thrash, and to sound more organic and less clinical. Solitude was no exception to this, but even when they let up on the gas pedal, they still managed to come off heavy as hell. FROM WITHIN is about as subtle as a blunt object to the skull and contains several excellent cuts like the opening “Twisted,” the killer “Tipping the Balance,” and the title track. If this album had managed to achieve a U.S. release I imagine that they would’ve made some waves in their homeland. Fans of such early 90s thrash as Meliah Rage, Sacred Reich, Forbidden, Panic, or the aforementioned Bush-era Anthrax should find FROM WITHIN to their liking.

Disc 2 features all of the tunes from the band’s three demos in reverse order (i.e. newest to oldest), starting with 1990’s FALL OF CREATION six-tracker, followed by 1988’s five song SICKNESS and finally 1987’s four-track FOCUS OF TERROR debut tape. Here you can track Solitude’s progression from their early days as a fairly standard Bay Area-inspired speed/thrash band up to the leaner, meaner, tighter machine of their album release. Much of the demo material is an enjoyably potent mix of early Testament's crunch with hints of David Wayne-era Metal Church (circa their classic debut). Great stuff! Each disc also includes an enhanced-CD video portion, consisting of decent quality bootleg live footage from shows in New York and Philadelphia (in addition to their originals, these guys could bang out a heckuva cover of Sabbath's "War Pigs" too!) and the CD booklet is a fun read -- packed with lyrics, pictures of the band’s demo/album covers and old concert flyers, and an informative interview with vocalist/guitarist Keith Saulsbury that covers the entire Solitude history in just a few short paragraphs. When all's said and done, POISONED POPULATION is a quality slab of greasy metal goodness! If I had to pick nits, I personally would’ve arranged this album so that the demos were on disc 1 (in their proper chronological order) and the album on disc 2, but that’s a (thankfully) minor complaint. No matter what order you play these CDs in, Solitude still sounds damn good today, and hopefully this limited edition (1000 copies) reissue will re-ignite some interest in an unjustly forgotten band. Divebomb Records is definitely on a hot streak and I look forward to hearing their next set of treasures from the vaults.

Detritus is about to go on "Holiday Hiatus" till after the new year, but I managed to squeak in two new reviews before they shut the door:


DESTROYER/VIOLATED – OUTBREAK OF METAL VOL. 2 (B) Slaney Records, 2009
12 Tracks, RT: 51:06

The fine folks at Ireland’s Slaney Records have returned with another twelve-pack of vicious (but oh so tasty) old school thrash metal goodness with volume 2 of their “split-CD” compilation series, OUTBREAK OF METAL. As with volume 1, you get six tracks each from two underground bands duking it out for ultimate mosh-pit supremacy, and aficionados of the anti-social will definitely get their money’s worth from this wrestling match. Poland’s Destroyer kicks things off with their mission statement “Rip Your Brain,” and well, that’s pretty much what they do for the rest of their half of this split. These guys are bullet belts and ripped jeans to the core, relying less on speed and more on good ole fashioned CRUNCH, sounding a bit like KILL’EM ALL era Metallica if Lars and co. had mixed less Diamond Head and a little more Motorhead into their formula. Influences from other Bay Area stalwarts like Exodus and Testament can also be heard on tracks like “Silent Hunter” and the ever-so-catchy “Metal Addiction.” My fave track is the irresistible “Bang the Dead,” with its addictive chant of “Bang! Bang! Bang, motherf**kers!”…if that one doesn’t get your head bobbin’ you’re beyond help. Being that they’re from Poland and English is therefore not Destroyer’s mother tongue, some klutzy lyrics occasionally lend some unintentional comedy to the proceedings (“Every day is f**ked away…till Destroyer band will play… You cannot wait any more… you cannot open this door. God damn!” --- uhhhh, yeah, okaaaaayy!!) but other than that I can find no fault with their brand of thrash. Hit “play” on these boys and you’ll be instantly transported back to 1988, free of charge.

Norway’s Violated pick up the spiked gauntlet where Destroyer leaves off and they’re a homicidal sounding crew in their own right. Two songs in and it’s obvious that they’re big-ass Kreator and Destruction fans as this high speed assault force sounds mainly like a love child of the two German legends on tracks like “Out of Focus,” “No Chance In Hell,” and “Vengeance of Time.” I’d bet the rent money that Slayer make up a large portion of each band member’s CD collections as well. The vocals are a little harsher than I usually care for, occasionally leaning closer to the death metal realm than straight up thrash vox, but fans of any of the aforementioned bands should most likely get off on these rookies/spiritual brothers as well. After twelve rounds of thrash the way it’s meant to be played, I’m now sufficiently pummeled and barely have enough strength left to raise my devil’s horn hand sign. OUTBREAK OF METAL VOL. 2 is another set of knockout punches from Slaney Records. I can’t wait to see who they’ll bring to the ring on volume 3.

HALFORD – WINTER SONGS (B-) Metal God Entertainment, 2009
10 Tracks, RT: 41:43

Okay, let’s be honest. When this project was first announced a few months ago, you all hated the idea, didn’t you? As soon as word hit the streets that the Metal God was doing a Christmas album (!), Internet message boards around the world were immediately lit up like…well, like Christmas trees, with countless fans screaming, “Is he serious? Dude, this is gonna totally suck. Has Rob completely lost his frickin’ mind?” But hold on y’all! WINTER SONGS may not be the waste of plastic that you’re all imagining that it is. In fact, it’s been growing on me with repeated listens, like the fungus on that Christmas fruitcake that’s been passed around my family for what seems like several generations now. (Haha!) Longtime Halford fans will probably recall that this is not Rob’s first foray into Holiday music; back in ’93 he recorded a promo/fan club only Christmas single (“Christmas Ride”) with his then-current band Fight, so right there we’ve got some precedent for this sort of thing. What the hell, I guess ole Rob just really, really digs the Christmas season and since he now runs his own record label to release his solo stuff and therefore he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants with that, he has decided to share a little holiday cheer with the rest of the headbanging world. Is there anything really wrong with that? On WINTER SONGS, Rob and his solo band tackle six traditional Christmas hymns along with four new original songs with a winter/holiday theme. Of the originals, the one that’s most “Halford-like” would be the leadoff track “Get Into the Spirit,” which is a fast paced rocker that could almost pass for a B-Side from CRUCIBLE. “Winter Song” is the heart of the album, a plaintive, moving piano ballad (that still has balls of steel of course) which (call me crazy if you will) hearkens back to Priest’s SIN AFTER SIN era. The other two original songs include one fair-to-middling entry (“I Don’t Care if It’s Christmas Night,” which sounds like a bad attempt at the vibe of those classic 1960s Phil Spector rock-n-roll Christmas singles) and one that’s out and out godawful (“Christmas For Everyone,” a slab of sentimental pap with lyrics that read like a rejected Hallmark card interior). Moving on, I have no complaints about Rob’s takes on holiday staples (including such Church-ified classics as “O Holy Night,” “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” and “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”), in fact, I was quite impressed with how classy they sound. Rob made the wise choice of treating these songs with the respect that they deserve and playing them straight, rather than tarting them up in tons of studio polish (as Trans Siberian Orchestra would’ve done) or overplaying them for the camp value (Hell-ooooo, Twisted Sister!)… he simply sings these winter carols the way they should be sung. Period. OK, so there may be an electric guitar solo added on here and there that the original composers would never have dreamed of, but hey, this IS the Metal God we’re talking about here, after all. Though I expected this to be a “one listen and gone” disc for me, WINTER SONGS has seen repeated spins in my player since I first got it and it will likely continue to be played through the holiday season. It’s not a perfect album by any means, and Lord knows I would’ve preferred a new Halford release to be jam packed with the screaming heavy metal we all love Rob for, but I can’t deny that WINTER SONGS has a unique charm of its very own. No one is more surprised by that than me. Since this is a seasonal release it will obviously have zero replay value after Dec. 25^th (until next holiday season, anyway) but despite that, I'll still say that it’s worth investigating. Merry Christmas, Mr. Halford.

Hmmm. Must've missed this last round of reviews. That Solitude disc sounds pretty inticing. And I've got that Halford disc on my want-list.

Good review of Halford. That's how I see it.

My first reviews of 2010! Too bad the pickings were so slim this time out....


SEKOND SKYN – ADDICTED TO CHAOS (D) self released, 2009
13 Tracks, RT: 49:31
[ http://www.myspace.com/2ndskinnj ]

Oy. Good grief. Where do I begin with this one? The first hint that I am not part of the “target demographic” for this New Jersey band’s third indie release was in the press release accompanying the CD, which trumpets the fact that Sekond Skyn “has recently signed a contract with MTV/Viacom” to allow the use of their songs in episodes of MTV shows like “Cribs,” “Juvies,” and “My Sweet Sixteen.” Um… okaaaaayyy, good for them, I guess, but I haven't watched much MTV since the early '90s so if that's supposed to impress me, then they're barkin' up the wrong tree. If MTV really digs these guys that much, then maybe their tunes will turn up on the inexplicably popular “Jersey Shore” sometime soon, as this boring, by-the-numbers album would fit right into that show’s inane goings-on. (I can just picture Snooki and J-Woww soaking in the hot tub as Sekond Skyn plays in the background, yelling to their idiot housemates, “Yo yo yo, I love dis joint, turn it up, it’s maaaaaad heavy!”) More press-release hilarity is found in the statement that Sekond Skyn is “an extraordinarily refreshing sound that is truly unclassified.” Um… yeah, OK, I guess that might be true if you’ve been living in a cave for the past ten years and therefore have never heard Disturbed, Linkin Park, or Godsmack, all of which I’m sure are well represented on the band members’ iPods. Sekond Skyn intentionally misspell their band’s name like an ‘80s glam band, and their album title (ADDICTED TO CHAOS) is also a song title by Megadeth, but unfortunately this disc doesn’t sound like either of them. This is bland, boring aggro/modern rock for the kiddies. You’ve got your oh-so-angry chug-a-lug riffs, vocals that alternate between snarly and whiny (I suppose I should be at least grateful that they didn’t go all WOOOOAARRRRGH on me) and lyrics like “You wanna start some sh*t? Well get your a** in the pit…you’ll get your a** kicked!” I will give them some grudging originality points for their oddball cover song, a rocked up version of the Men At Work chestnut “Down Under” (!!) but otherwise I think I’ve wasted enough time listening to/writing about this drivel. The nicest thing I can say is that these boys can play, and their CD is totally professional looking, well produced and nicely packaged. All the young’uns who are into the aforementioned Disturbed, Linkin Park , et. al. will likely go nuts for 'em... but this band is not for me.

D.O.A. – KINGS OF PUNK, HOCKEY AND BEER (B) Sudden Death Records, 2009
13 Tracks, RT: 39:06
[ http://www.suddendeath.com ]

Punk rock and hockey have one major thing in common: if they’re done right, someone is bound to get his or her ass kicked. Beer also goes well with both of them. Long running Canadian punks D.O.A. (some of you might know them for their version of the Subhumans’ classic “F*ck You,” which was later covered by Overkill) obviously love all three, and have dedicated their career to celebrating them. The back cover photo shows the members of D.O.A. and their friends in full hockey regalia and the booklet not only sports a pic of band leader Joey “Sh*thead” Keithley (how can you not love a guy with a name like that?) posing proudly next to the Stanley Cup, but is full of hockey-related stories about all of the songs too! KINGS OF PUNK, HOCKEY AND BEER is a 13-track collection of fun, fast paced, low-brow, drunken tunes from D.O.A.’s past and present that is not only a hellaciously cool listen, but is also a decent intro to D.O.A.’s long history for newcomers (like me). The oldest song here (a snotty, amped-up cover of the Bachman Turner Overdrive classic “Takin’ Care of Business”) takes us all the way back to 1986, and it still sounds fresh standing next to more recent cuts like the hilarious “Pencil Neck Geek,” “Beer Liberation Army,” and “If I Were A Redneck.” The press release that came with this CD is rather skimpy on details, so I’m still not 100 percent sure if this disc is a straight up compilation release or a collection of newly re-recorded versions of old songs, but either way, I laughed my ass off all through this one. Wait’ll you hear the epic “When Power Came To Canada,” a rockabilly-tinged trip through Canadian history that lovingly lampoons every stereotype about Canada right down to the maple syrup and “cougar attacks.” By the end of this disc you’re likely to feel like you’ve been in a hockey brawl too. If you like punk, hockey, or beer (or all three!) you’ll have a blast with D.O.A…. just do yourself a favor, try and stay out of the penalty box.

A LOWER DEEP – BLACK MARYS (C+) Self released, 2008
10 Tracks, RT; 60:38
[ http://www.alowerdeep.com ]
[ http://www.myspace.com/alowerdeep ]

The “2008” release date at the top of this review may or may not be entirely accurate – the CD itself sports a copyright date of ’07, though the press release that came with BLACK MARYS says it was recorded in ’08. Either way, this disc (the band’s third full length) didn’t get sent to me to review till late in 2009 and I didn’t get around to writing this until early 2010, so who knows how fresh this thing really is? Calendar confusion aside, I was semi-familiar with the Alabama-based, awkwardly named A Lower Deep before receiving BLACK MARYS, as they’ve been kicking around the prog/power metal underground since the early ‘00s. I remember checking out a few of their tunes on the Net some years ago after reading a ‘zine review of one of their earlier releases. I found them a bit too dark/melancholy for my tastes at that time, and I have the same problem with much of BLACK MARYS as well. The band’s press sheet compares them to Iced Earth, Opeth, and Nevermore and that sounds about right to me, though truthfully I hear a lot more of Opeth and Nevermore in their sound than I.E. Instrumentally this foursome has got its you-know-what together; BLACK MARYS is a whirlwind of pummeling, crunchy riffs and tight, machine-precise playing all around. Unfortunately I’m not as impressed by the vocal performance of Billy Mullican, who handles both clean and rough vox on this release. The “BLURRRGH” style simply is not and likely will never be my thang, and his clean voice comes off somewhat whiny and nasal at times as well. BLACK MARYS is apparently a semi-conceptual release of some sort, with the title track being based on a series of novels by Greg Keyes (whoever that may be). Judging by the lyrics, I’m betting that Mr. Keyes’ books are not family friendly feel-good kinda stories. So whatcha got here on BLACK MARYS is some solid playing wrapped in some killer packaging (the album cover is very cool in a creepy H.R. Giger-inspired sorta way), but it’s let down somewhat by unsatisfying vocals and a general feeling of overall pretentiousness. Maybe it’s just me but I get a “We’re thinking man’s metal, and you’re not smart enough for us” vibe from this disc. I mean, check out this description of the track “Facing the Demon” from the press release: “Facing the Demon uses as its metaphor the mob mentality which permeates an individual psyche and which leads to the justification of apathy, causing someone to rationalize inhumanity, cruelty, and inaction in the cause of another.” Um... what? Okay, if you say so, but does it rock? I didn’t hate BLACK MARYS by any means but I doubt it’s going to become a fixture in my CD player time soon either. Those who dig their metal a little more dark and depressing than I do may get more satisfaction out of it.

Um, who?

TheNazgul wrote:

Um, who?

Exactly! I said pickin's were slim this time out!!

That DOA "Pencil Neck Geek" song isn't the Freddie Blassie one that Dr. Demento used to play is it?

tohostudios wrote:

That DOA "Pencil Neck Geek" song isn't the Freddie Blassie one that Dr. Demento used to play is it?

It is indeed.

I have never heard D.O.A.'s music but your review sold me on them, plus I was at the book store and saw Joey Sh!thead wrote a book, I had to do double take and re-read the author's name!

Ha! That first sentence of the D.O.A. review pulled me in!

New this week:


BugGIRL – BLOOD, SWEAT & BEERS (B+) Impedance Music/MVD, 2009
5 Tracks, RT: 19:18

This EP was an unusual offering for me – a “band” consisting of only two people! BugGIRL, otherwise known as the Spence siblings (Amber on guitar/vocals and her drum bashin’ brother Clinton, aka “Clinno”) have been making a racket on the pub-rock scene in their native Australia since the early ‘00s and have racked up rave reviews for their raucous live shows wherever they go (the best one I saw on their website came from a critic who claimed they sounded like “AC/DC with the vocals of Tina Turner while being penetrated from behind”…BWAHAHAHAHA! After reading that, I was sold on ‘em before I even heard a note!). Now it appears that the duo is hell-bent on making a name for themselves here in America too. BugGIRL are currently touring the U.S. to stoke the fires for their forthcoming full-length album, DIRT IN THE SKIRT (due this June) and judging by the ammunition they’re packing on this brief but oh-so-tasty EP, BugGIRL should have no problem finding an audience among fans of all things loud and sleazy, i.e. AC/DC, Airbourne, Nashville P*ssy, Motorhead, or Betty Blowtorch. In short: this guy-n-gal ROCK! I’ll confess that at first, I thought listening to a duo would be an odd experience (especially since the only previous brother/sister combo I could think of was The Carpenters, who obviously weren’t even in the same musical universe…haha). I expected to wonder “where’s the bass player?” throughout the recording, but Amber and her brother fire off enough six-string pyrotechnics and drum abuse that I didn’t even notice the lack of other players. The five tunes on BLOOD, SWEAT & BEERS are a wall of sound and a sharp smack upside the head, topped by Amber’s versatile vocals, which can be either a bluesy croon (as heard on “Bad Blood”) or the pissed-off shriek of a metal goddess (see “Motor City Lover”). The EP was produced by Mark Ortiz, who has worked on such legendary Aussie rock classics as AC/DC’s POWERAGE and LET THERE BE ROCK and Rose Tattoo’s BLOOD BROTHERS, and he captures BugGIRL’s fiery, stripped down rock n roll essence to a tee. In other words, BugGIRL hits with the force of a commando raid, and BLOOD, SWEAT & BEERS causes maximum hearing damage in its minimum running time (less than 20 minutes!). I look forward to getting my mitts on that full length as soon as it hits the racks.