Anyone married/raising family with little time for metal music?

One of the few frustrations I have in a happy home with two kids and a loving wife of five years. Wondering if anyone has this same situation (even if it's without kids).

I love my job (self-employed) since I get to travel long distances and crank up whatever I feel like. Sometimes I put the truck in cruise @ 55 with Overkill blaring (I've already blown a speaker). I'm certainly no workaholic since I love to make time at home but there's a small catch. Not only does my wife, a former professional flutist, hate my music, but my kids are too small to share it with (although my oldest loves Priest). When I was single, my main activity after dinner was to throw on some headphones and spin a record or five. The ability to digest it all was amazing, and to have that ability of focus and absorption is a different matter in my truck with traffic and business calls to compete with. This isn't readily available to me at home since I hardly get to see my family when on the road; every minute I have Sat-Mon is for them. So it's a long-lost pleasure that I've missed greatly, especially with all these retro doom and thrash bands coming about, and since I discovered Scott's site a few years ago with hundreds of bands I've never even heard of. Most of my "fun money" in our budget each month goes toward CDs and vinyl, so I hate it when they come in and I can't go straight in and listen to them--hell, I have a stack of 12 right here on the side table that haven't been played in a week!

I'm not looking for advice or fixes, this is just something that one has to learn to work around/deal with, and I wouldn't go as far as to call it a thorn in my side. I love my family more than music, but music comes very close. I'm just seeing if anyone can relate. I've seen Scott write about his wife's preferences differing greatly from his own, wondering how that works out (I love family car rides, but sweet Lord do we really have to listen to Ingrid Michaelson [sp]). Anyone else deal with this?

Dude, 90% of us probably deal with this.

With a kid on the way I'm sure I'm gonna be dealing with the same sort of thing in the near future, fortunately my wife likes most of my music. I do have to tread carefully with her sometimes though, as I'm pretty much game for music anytime anywhere, she has moods (women, go figure) and if she isn't in the mood for whatever music I have playing it'll really rub her the wrong way. So I do need to be flexible. But with a kid around I will be sacrificing a lot of my "man time" too.

My wife isn't into metal but she doesn't begrudge me listening to it around the house or in the car. Obviously if the kids are around, stuff like GWAR or the Mentors is out.

One thing I do miss about the single life is having the $$ and the time to go to shows every weekend, or whenever I damn well felt like it, even if it was in the middle of the week and I had work in the morning. When I was in my 20s, I went to work many times with a slight hangover and a couple of mosh pit bruises from the night before!!

Nowadays I get to see a show once every couple of years at most. I live JUST far enough away from any semi-decent venues now that going to a concert becomes a huge undertaking that requires a ton of advance planning, and usually ends up being more of a pain in the ass than it's worth.

No problems - single dad so the kids listen to what I want \m/ I will always take request from them of course

thejokeriv wrote:

No problems - single dad so the kids listen to what I want \m/ I will always take request from them of course

Ditto - I have custody tho, so alot of my listening time happens in the car. My oldest son just turned 15 and thankfully he shares alot of my taste in music. My daughter (14) much prefers pop or stuff like Georgia Satellites and a little Aerosmith so we compromise with INXS or Roxette when pop is requested. My 3 younger boys (8-11) like a variety of stuff but the Beach Boys and MC Lars are favorites of theirs. I pretty much save my more extreme metal or that with questionable lyrics to my commute time. My Fiancee hates metal but she is a musician so she appreciates the talent behind it and tolerates the melodic stuff. She does love her some classic rock and hair metal so all is not lost.

I try to listen to music at work but I dont get to listen as much as i want.Time at home is generally spent not listening to music...

I am married to my job - that is, I work an office job and I can be away from home for up to 14 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days, sometimes 6 and there is little room for enjoying new releases or even older ones.

In this regard, it can take me a while - a lot longer even - to catch up to the latest new albums and new bands. I often discover 'newer' bands when they are already yesterday's sensations. By newer I mean really anything since the middle 00s.

However if you want some really disheartening news about how far behind you are - check out rateyourmusic and the amount of metal albums that have been released annually in the last 10 - 12 years. Heck, even in the last 4 1/2 months of 2013, according to rateyourmusic, there have been over 1000 metal (of all sub-genres) albums released!

Even with all the time in the world it is impossible to keep up with those numbers!

It is not like it used to be in the pre-internet era when you could really experience a good portion of metal albums released in a particular year. For each year in the 80s , rateyourmusic shows approximately 300 - 400 metal albums released annually; granted even then you would not listen to all but looking at the top 100 for each year, I have heard at least 70 - 80 of those albums.

Alex Dee Rokket wrote:

I am married to my job - that is, I work an office job and I can be away from home for up to 14 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days, sometimes 6 and there is little room for enjoying new releases or even older ones.

In this regard, it can take me a while - a lot longer even - to catch up to the latest new albums and new bands. I often discover 'newer' bands when they are already yesterday's sensations. By newer I mean really anything since the middle 00s.

However if you want some really disheartening news about how far behind you are - check out rateyourmusic and the amount of metal albums that have been released annually in the last 10 - 12 years. Heck, even in the last 4 1/2 months of 2013, according to rateyourmusic, there have been over 1000 metal (of all sub-genres) albums released!

Even with all the time in the world it is impossible to keep up with those numbers!

It is not like it used to be in the pre-internet era when you could really experience a good portion of metal albums released in a particular year. For each year in the 80s , rateyourmusic shows approximately 300 - 400 metal albums released annually; granted even then you would not listen to all but looking at the top 100 for each year, I have heard at least 70 - 80 of those albums.

What do you do for a living??????

thejokeriv wrote:

Alex Dee Rokket wrote:

I am married to my job - that is, I work an office job and I can be away from home for up to 14 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days, sometimes 6 and there is little room for enjoying new releases or even older ones.

In this regard, it can take me a while - a lot longer even - to catch up to the latest new albums and new bands. I often discover 'newer' bands when they are already yesterday's sensations. By newer I mean really anything since the middle 00s.

However if you want some really disheartening news about how far behind you are - check out rateyourmusic and the amount of metal albums that have been released annually in the last 10 - 12 years. Heck, even in the last 4 1/2 months of 2013, according to rateyourmusic, there have been over 1000 metal (of all sub-genres) albums released!

Even with all the time in the world it is impossible to keep up with those numbers!

It is not like it used to be in the pre-internet era when you could really experience a good portion of metal albums released in a particular year. For each year in the 80s , rateyourmusic shows approximately 300 - 400 metal albums released annually; granted even then you would not listen to all but looking at the top 100 for each year, I have heard at least 70 - 80 of those albums.

What do you do for a living??????

I'm in corporate law.

I have been there but now my kids are 15 and older and I have my mornings mostly free. Hang in, it gets better.

Appreciate all the above, thanks to everyone.

Dark Horseman wrote:

I have been there but now my kids are 15 and older and I have my mornings mostly free. Hang in, it gets better.

This I have to remind myself of frequently. A good # of parents with older kids tell me the same thing. I'm a hobbyist as well, and was a professional guitarist, so I've had to give up a lot with my kids (we're also planning on a third soon). It was all worth it, for sure, but days go by when I wish I was in a band again or dang I had to miss that show because my oldest has a fever (happened three times in a row, actually). But I suppose the younger they are, the more demanding of my our time.

On a side note, my wife told me today that she likes some of the music I listen to, "just not the screamo garbage." I was like, "screamo? What in God's name are you talking about; what 'screamo' bands do I listen to?" "Well, there's Leviticus," she said. "Leviticus? Who's that?" "They have 'Like Father Like Son' song." My mouth dropped open. "The name is Exodus, babe," I said, "and they're about as far from screamo as Michael Bolton." Anyway, funny stuff, but she learned a bit about my tastes today. Thank God they're different from what she thinks.

It's called growing up When I was a teenager, I had all the time in the world to digest music. Besides, I owned, what 100 albums or so? It was easy to get to know each album. Nowadays I own 3000 albums, and have little time to listen to them.

Temple of Blood wrote:

Dude, 90% of us probably deal with this.

Id say probably more like 95%

Alex Dee Rokket wrote:

thejokeriv wrote:

Alex Dee Rokket wrote:

I am married to my job - that is, I work an office job and I can be away from home for up to 14 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days, sometimes 6 and there is little room for enjoying new releases or even older ones.

In this regard, it can take me a while - a lot longer even - to catch up to the latest new albums and new bands. I often discover 'newer' bands when they are already yesterday's sensations. By newer I mean really anything since the middle 00s.

However if you want some really disheartening news about how far behind you are - check out rateyourmusic and the amount of metal albums that have been released annually in the last 10 - 12 years. Heck, even in the last 4 1/2 months of 2013, according to rateyourmusic, there have been over 1000 metal (of all sub-genres) albums released!

Even with all the time in the world it is impossible to keep up with those numbers!

It is not like it used to be in the pre-internet era when you could really experience a good portion of metal albums released in a particular year. For each year in the 80s , rateyourmusic shows approximately 300 - 400 metal albums released annually; granted even then you would not listen to all but looking at the top 100 for each year, I have heard at least 70 - 80 of those albums.

What do you do for a living??????

I'm in corporate law.

That explains it!

Oh don't I wish there were more hours in a day. I've found my music listening has become partnered with other activity. About the only dedicated time would be having stuff on for my workouts/training, in the car, or when working in my office at home. Long gone are the days of just laying back and putting stuff on. I have a six year old and now a newborn (which is nice because I can listen to stuff when I'm up with her at night). I have my own business but I can't very well ask my employees to not listen to stuff if I do. And they have begged to have music on. All in all, except for wishing for more time, I've found a pretty happy balance.

The one thing that was bad though was when my girlfriend first moved in and she couldn't sleep with music playing. That was one of the tougher adjustments for me. We have common ground stuff (80's new wave) so car rides are fine.

Funny story. The other day we were driving to a school function and I put on that first Giuffria figuring it was harmless enough. My girlfriend even kinda had to admit she dug the Journey vibe she got from it. Of course this was before I had forgotten that one of the songs has the "B" word and the "S" word in it. Which my daughter proceeded to go nuts over. She is at that age where she fancies herself the language police. Have lost my car stereo privileges for the time being on family outings.

jstate wrote:

Funny story. The other day we were driving to a school function and I put on that first Giuffria figuring it was harmless enough. My girlfriend even kinda had to admit she dug the Journey vibe she got from it. Of course this was before I had forgotten that one of the songs has the "B" word and the "S" word in it. Which my daughter proceeded to go nuts over. She is at that age where she fancies herself the language police. Have lost my car stereo privileges for the time being on family outings.

That's what happened here; I was playing Slave to the Grind and was idiot enough to not skip Get the F*ck Out (awesome song, too). So my PDD three-year-old starts screaming the chorus over and over again. Anymore it's either Ingrid Michaelson or classical in the car. Which I'm okay with, but damn do I get sleepy on the way to Disneyland...

On the other hand, my Dad, a hard rock enthusiast, tries to force it all down my mom's throat. For instance, when they jump in the car, he'll put on Nazareth or Dream Theater...one time it was \"thebandthatshallneverbementionedagain\"...and crank it up. My mom, a worship music enthusiast, plays along but still. I have no desire to do that to my wife. I would want her to enjoy it naturally. Not forced.

Well, I'm 27 years old, I live alone, I'm single, and have never even dated. I obviously have more time for it than one in a relationship or is a single parent (if you have younger kids around). I imagine when I finally start dating, I'll have less time, especially considering the overwhelming majority of women despise metal.

My offspring are long gone !

When they were at home, they had to deal with dad and his friends jamming/practicing out in the shop. The ol' lady has WAY different tastes in music and finally stopped giving me grief about listening to secular music (after 23 years of marriage )

The ol lady sings, plays guitar, piano, writes songs, and taught the kids alot while they were growing up. None had any interest in playing drums, much less dig on most of what I listened to. Guess cause I'd make them polish chrome on my Harley while I blasted hard rock/metal music might have influenced their opinion ?

With anything in life, one has to pick the battle. You sure cannot be a dictator and hope to maintain peace in your home. Yet, ya can't be a wuss and give up cold turkey on something that is important for your sanity either.

Required Fields wrote:

Well, I'm 27 years old, I live alone, I'm single, and have never even dated. I obviously have more time for it than one in a relationship or is a single parent (if you have younger kids around). I imagine when I finally start dating, I'll have less time, especially considering the overwhelming majority of women despise metal.

Women and metal seem to have a really bizarre relationship. If it's happy and you know it, clap your hands kind of thing. That's why chicks dig either country or indie music, at least here in central Cali. But that's not every women, and location plays a big part as well. It's more a mystery why metal is so unpopular with the girls, even when Doro or Lita are brought up.

I should mention that my wife was a Dream Theater fanboy, which was one of the things that sparked our attraction since I've been a fan since Pull Me Under got radio play. But she doesn't like Maiden. ?????

corplhicks wrote:

. But she doesn't like Maiden. ?????

That is grounds for divorce

Welcome(belated) to the board man, I am California bred/born/raised but moved out of there a few years ago.

James B. wrote:

corplhicks wrote:

. But she doesn't like Maiden. ?????

That is grounds for divorce

Welcome(belated) to the board man, I am California bred/born/raised but moved out of there a few years ago.

You should've sat in our counseling session when this was brought up!!! It's a great marriage, never been to counseling.

Thanks for the welcome, which part of Cali did you hail from? I'm Fresno, been here all 33 years. There is no metal scene for hundreds of miles, so I'm a bit of a loner over here, at least musically. Things here in the state are not going very well, but I think that's obvious to anyone living in the nation.

James B. wrote:

corplhicks wrote:

. But she doesn't like Maiden. ?????

That is grounds for divorce

Welcome(belated) to the board man, I am California bred/born/raised but moved out of there a few years ago.

Yeah, welcome to the board. Take her to a Maiden show, that'll change her mind!!!!

corplhicks wrote:

Thanks for the welcome, which part of Cali did you hail from? .

So. Calif till 1990 ish then it was up to Sacramento area. Modesto has/had a decent scene. Saw Sabbat, Hirax, Y & T, and MSG there in like 2009 or there abouts.

Most of my music listening is in the car on the way to work or on the home computer at night while I'm working. That's when I play the stuff that I really want to hear -prog, thrash, doom, whatever. I love music playing around the house as much as possible, but with younger children and a wife who likes some metal, I'm careful about what they hear. The kids are big fans of Twisted Sister hits, some Maiden and some Cooper hits, so that's as heavy as it gets with them listening. They do get to hear a range of music, however, from rock to jazz to funk to soul to folk so they can start to appreciate musicianship, rather than what's on pop radio.