The Five Days of Deciblog Christmas

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Welcome to The Five Days of Deciblog Christmas, in which we corral your favorite extreme heroes into revealing embarrassing and uproarious holiday anecdotes. Consider it free bonus footage as you prepare to give Amazon half your paycheck because you’re too lazy to support local businesses. After the jump, let’s kick off the week with “The Worst Gift I’ve Ever Gotten.”

Bunch of musicians are involved in this. I'm included as well—because I'm way cool! Anyway, four questions were asked. Given my answers for a few of them, this will hopefully be pretty funny.

I'll post the links here (one a day):

A Very Deciblog Xmas Day I: The Worst Gift I’ve Ever Gotten

A Very Deciblog Xmas Day II: The Relative I Only See During the Holidays Who Hates Me Most

A Very Deciblog Xmas Day III: The Best Record to Honor the Birth of Baby Jesus

A Very Deciblog Xmas Day IV: My Favorite Xmas Horror Movie

Nice one Eye. Concidentally enough, one of my co-workers "gifted' everybody in the office with scratch-off tickets this morning... and I didn't win nothin'. Pfffft!

Fat Freddy wrote:

Nice one Eye. Concidentally enough, one of my co-workers "gifted' everybody in the office with scratch-off tickets this morning... and I didn't win nothin'. Pfffft!

It's so lame! I've only seen this work one time, at a Christmas swap. My friend Jill took five scratch tickets from her mother and she ended up with them at the end. Her mom was left with a curling iron. Haha.

So everyone is mingling, talking and stuff, and Jill's over there scratching her five crappy $2 tickets (a $10 gift!), and she's like, "Oh, I won forty dollars." Then she pauses, and goes, "Wait...oh no, I won four hundred dollars!" Then she says, "No way. No way," falls to the floor like she'd had a heart attack, and screams, "Aaaaaaaaaagh! I won four THOUSAND dollars!"

And sure enough, she won $4,000. He mother was PISSED! Haha. And you know whoever gave that gift was equally pissed. It was awesome.

Most times, though, it's a worthless, heartless gift.

No way I love scratch offs. Win or loose. Especially if I get them as a gift. It sucks not to win but what can you do?

Yeah, but if you don't win, you end up with nothing? And if you do win, you're likely going to end up with $10 or less. That's crap.

Of course, two years in a row at our office Christmas swap, I got an M&M candy dispenser. I was PISSED! Two frickin' years in a row! Who buys an M&M candy dispenser for frickin' adults? I don't have kids; I don't even like candy much (despite my portly ass). I would have gladly taken scratch tickets over that crap. Haha.

My mom usually throws in a coupla lottery tickets in with other gifts. I don't think I've ever won more than $20 though. In that case I don't mind 'em. But if that was all she gave me, I'd be pissed.

A pink Mickey and Mini Mouse t-shirt. Pre-worn. With sweat stains. And what looked like chocolate (or worse?) stains on the front. From my aunt. Well, I love you too.

Not Christmas, but for my 16th birthday my uncle who's a bit paranoid and kind of a religious freak sent me a Biblical curse through the mail.

Suffice to say my relatives are a bit screwed up.

arachnoplasma wrote:

A pink Mickey and Mini Mouse t-shirt. Pre-worn. With sweat stains. And what looked like chocolate (or worse?) stains on the front. From my aunt. Well, I love you too.

Not Christmas, but for my 16th birthday my uncle who's a bit paranoid and kind of a religious freak sent me a Biblical curse through the mail.

Suffice to say my relatives are a bit screwed up.

Eyesore wrote:

arachnoplasma wrote:

A pink Mickey and Mini Mouse t-shirt. Pre-worn. With sweat stains. And what looked like chocolate (or worse?) stains on the front. From my aunt. Well, I love you too.

Not Christmas, but for my 16th birthday my uncle who's a bit paranoid and kind of a religious freak sent me a Biblical curse through the mail.

Suffice to say my relatives are a bit screwed up.

Hey, if you ever wanna swap, I'll trade ya the t-shirt for one of those scratch cards!

the first Christmas I was married i got my wife a state of the art mixer. I was too dumb to realize that even if women say they really like something, giving cooking things for christmas is not a smart idea. She was nice about it but my mom gave me some unrequested insight into the female psyche...

That's a bad gift? Enlighten me—or us, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't get it. Save us some heartache. Haha.

Eyesore wrote:

That's a bad gift? Enlighten me—or us, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't get it. Save us some heartache. Haha.

its not a bad gift per say but gifts, at least according to my mom, are supposed to be something the person can enjoy, not some practical - a tool for cooking, cleaning, etc. I have yet to completely understand it though - i get tools and stuff for Christmas and I love it but getting a household item (or spa day) is kinda implying they need to do better in that particular area.

exact33 wrote:

Eyesore wrote:

That's a bad gift? Enlighten me—or us, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't get it. Save us some heartache. Haha.

its not a bad gift per say but gifts, at least according to my mom, are supposed to be something the person can enjoy, not some practical - a tool for cooking, cleaning, etc. I have yet to completely understand it though - i get tools and stuff for Christmas and I love it but getting a household item (or spa day) is kinda implying they need to do better in that particular area.

Yea, I've been down that road. Women don't like practical gifts, they want gifts from the heart or some crap like that.

We went out to dinner last week with a bunch of friends, one of which was a ghey couple. Nice fellas. Anyway, aside from the pounding-in-the-ass portion of that certain lifestyle, it seems pretty sweet. They both work great jobs in hotel management, own 3 properties, travel all the time, have time to go to the gym and stay in shape. Theres no kids to anchor them down. And their both dudes. No annoying head-games. They say what they mean and mean what they say.

And people are against these kind of unions for some reason.

MetalGuy71 wrote:

Anyway, aside from the pounding-in-the-ass portion of that certain lifestyle, it seems pretty sweet. They both work great jobs in hotel management, own 3 properties, travel all the time, have time to go to the gym and stay in shape. Theres no kids to anchor them down. And their both dudes. No annoying head-games. They say what they mean and mean what they say.

plus, as Jerry Seinfeld says, if they're the same size...they've doubled their wardrobe.

And what a fabulous wardrobe it is. :flower:

Sorry Eyesore. What was this thread about again?

My wife and I went to an white elephant gift xmas party for the middle school she teaches at and a lot of people brought real gifts!!!! Our gifts were a bucket of lard that is still talked about(it bested someone else's flour bag. he said, "genius!") and a hip hoppin' Santa Dog(that, of course, rapped).

So buying a gift a woman could actually use and enjoy is not from the heart? Good lord. Chicks are nuts.

A few years ago, I sent my mother a Mother's Day card...and she was offended by it. According to her, all her female friends felt that she had a right to be offended. Why? Because the damn card did not say "To Mom" or "To Mother." It was generic, could have been for any mother, like my sister or something.

Now, the card frickin' said Happy Mother's Day! I gave it to my mother, therefore one would assume it was meant for her, right? Guess not. I couldn't reason with her. Even when I tried to explain that I would never buy my sister a Mother's Day card because she's not my mother, I couldn't get through to her. It was absurd. Women are nuts sometimes.

So every year since, my mother has gotten a most ridiculous card, one addressed to MY MOTHER, MY ONE AND ONLY MOM, PROVIDER OF HALF OF MY DNA, OWNER OF THE VAGINA FROM WHENCE I SQUIRTED OUT INTO THIS WORLD, MY MOM, THAT'S YOU, AND THIS CARD IS FOR YOU!

Not kidding.

Added a link to day two. Up top.

My answer isn't very funny or interesting. I couldn't think of anything. True answer, though hate is too extreme a word.

arachnoplasma wrote:

A pink Mickey and Mini Mouse t-shirt. Pre-worn. With sweat stains. And what looked like chocolate (or worse?) stains on the front. From my aunt. Well, I love you too.

Not Christmas, but for my 16th birthday my uncle who's a bit paranoid and kind of a religious freak sent me a Biblical curse through the mail.

Suffice to say my relatives are a bit screwed up.

You don't say?

Eyesore wrote:

So every year since, my mother has gotten a most ridiculous card, one addressed to MY MOTHER, MY ONE AND ONLY MOM, PROVIDER OF HALF OF MY DNA, OWNER OF THE VAGINA FROM WHENCE I SQUIRTED OUT INTO THIS WORLD, MY MOM, THAT'S YOU, AND THIS CARD IS FOR YOU!

Not kidding.

an American Greetings Inc. says people arent as thoughtful in their cards anymore...

Day 3 link added. Obviously my answer for this question is absurd. Haha.

Added Day 4 link.

Not sure what day 5 will be. They only sent me four questions.