You Know A Band Should Retire When...

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

http://music.msn.com/superfans/heavy-metal/you-know-a-band-should-retire-when/

A band might need to call it a day if...

The band releases an acoustic greatest hits album, or an album with orchestral backing.

The band is on its third lead vocalist.

The band ends a major-label deal with a "Greatest Hits, Vol. 1" compilation.

Members file suit against each other.

The band hires a member's wife or girlfriend as manager/publicist.

The band recruits a new vocalist via an online contest or reality TV show.

Any member reaches age 60.

Band member undergoes gender reassignment surgery.

Band member dies onstage.

Fewer than 50 percent of founding members remain.

They've gone from playing sold-out arenas to suburban dive bars.

They can't remember the words to there own songs.

Any of the band members achieve #7 and/ or fall off the stage or both.

When their hair line is covered by a headband that is thicker than a scarf!

The founding members hire new band members that try to look like the original band members by wearing their make-up and costumes that the original members came up with, instead of coming up with their own personas.

The band joins 4 other bands for a tour and the tickets still cost less than 50.00

Their kids have a band that's more popular than theirs ever was

The lead guitarist replaces the very popular bass player with his teenage son... and rehires a singer he hates

Tours must be scheduled around surgery for replacement of anything....knee, hips, hair follicles.

Members start doing self-parody TV commercials.

When members start looking like your Dad's war buddy that you always avoided.

Your bands lead singer pours water over his head to hide the incontinence.

The band makes more money on merchandise than on album sales.

Every tour for the last 10 years is billed as the "Farewell Tour".

The band is introduced as "living legends."

When the guitar and mic stands double as walkers.

When they make an exclusive deal with WAL-MART

When a certain lead guitarist sends his lawyers out looking for anyone that paints stripes on their guitar and threatens legal action because he doesn't have enough money already.

They make a GUITAR HERO just for your band.

You start selling coffins with your bands name and image on it.

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Metal is my Life Number of posts : 12811 Age : 55

LOL!!!!

Bukkake Tsunami Number of posts : 25557 Age : 53

Funny stuff. Some are sad but true though.

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me, and it'll happen to you, too.

Metal graduate Number of posts : 306 Age : 54

How about this one:

You know a band should retire when...

...a band member hires his 16 year-old kid to replace their original bass player in a reuinon tour.

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

Neuropete wrote:: How about this one:

You know a band should retire when...

...a band member hires his 16 year-old kid to replace their original bass player in a reuinon tour.

That one was in there...

Quote :: The lead guitarist replaces the very popular bass player with his teenage son... and rehires a singer he hates

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Metal graduate Number of posts : 306 Age : 54

Oh, I just thought of another one!

You know a band should reture when...

... the cover artwork of their latest release looks like it was ripped off of an old Autograph LP.

Metal graduate Number of posts : 306 Age : 54

Fat Freddy wrote:

Neuropete wrote:: How about this one:

You know a band should retire when...

...a band member hires his 16 year-old kid to replace their original bass player in a reuinon tour.

That one was in there...

Quote :: The lead guitarist replaces the very popular bass player with his teenage son... and rehires a singer he hates

My bad! I knew it had to be there somewhere. Thanks!

Guest

How many bands would this do away with?

mini boss Number of posts : 21101 Age : 54

TheNazgul wrote:: How many bands would this do away with?

Most of my favorites!

Metal graduate Number of posts : 306 Age : 54

TheNazgul wrote:: How many bands would this do away with?

Probably a good bunch of the bands I love, hee hee hee. It is cool... I am the first to admit that some of the bands I like have their best stuff in their back catalogue.

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3012 Age : 35

Pretty funny, some of my favorites would be gone too!

Metal is Forever Number of posts : 9428 Age : 50

Funny stuff. Thanks, FF. You Know A Band Should Retire When... Lmao

Guest

I hate to tell the maker of that list, but that little thing about "makes more money on merchandise than album sales" pretty much wipes out EVERY band I can think of that aren't already multi-platinum superstars.

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 2793 Age : 66

How 'bout if all the original members are dead? There must be a few bands that are getting close to that now.

Guest

SAHB Healer wrote:: How 'bout if all the original members are dead? There must be a few bands that are getting close to that now.

Guest

Looks like it focuses mainly on KISS and VAN HALEN...but I could toss JOURNEY in on a couple of those...

Guest

When you fall off the stage and it breaks you?

Metal is my Life Number of posts : 13862 Age : 49

When you release a new album, and they are still only playing your last one on the radio.

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You Know A Band Should Retire When... Metal_metropolis_logo2

Bukkake Tsunami Number of posts : 25557 Age : 53

Quote :: Your bands lead singer pours water over his head to hide the incontinence.

That's been a rumor about Ozzy for years now. He's pee'd himself onstage a few times, but covers it up by dousing himself and the crowd with buckets of water.

Quote :: Their kids have a band that's more popular than theirs ever was

Was this directed at someone in particular?

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me, and it'll happen to you, too.

Metal is in my blood Number of posts : 3908 Age : 52

Quote :: The band makes more money on merchandise than on album sales.

HAHA WHAT??? This is how the entire industry works right now. No reason for any band to retire just based on that.

Guest

kmorg wrote:: When you release a new album, and they are still only playing your last one on the radio.

Or:

When you release a new album, and they are still only playing the one you released 20 years ago on the radio.

Administrator Number of posts : 19452 Age : 57

detuned wrote:

SAHB Healer wrote:: How 'bout if all the original members are dead? There must be a few bands that are getting close to that now.

Foghat & Skynyrd fit this description.

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ULTIMATUM - TOO METAL FOR WIKIPEDIA!

Metal, Movies, Beer Number of posts : 37954 Age : 54

ultmetal wrote:

detuned wrote:

SAHB Healer wrote:: How 'bout if all the original members are dead? There must be a few bands that are getting close to that now.

Foghat & Skynyrd fit this description.

There are probably quite a few "oldies" bands on the doo-wop/50s circuit that fill this bill as well. I read a story years ago about how some of those "bands" are either one surviving guy and a bunch of ringers, or in some cases, the sons of the original singers, using the old name.

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"If you're a false, don't entry, because you'll be burned and died!"

Metal is my Life Number of posts : 13862 Age : 49

Shawn Of Fire wrote:

kmorg wrote:: When you release a new album, and they are still only playing your last one on the radio.

Or:

When you release a new album, and they are still only playing the one you released 20 years ago on the radio.

Like Bryan Adams.....

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You Know A Band Should Retire When... Metal_metropolis_logo2

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