Random philosophical quotes

Philosophy is talk on a ceral box
Religion is a smile on a dog
Edie Brickell

One more from Mr Marx if I may."I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member".

Is it okay to yell "MOVIE" in a crowded firehouse? - Steve Martin.

Don't be stupid - Paul Teutul

mc666 wrote:

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Squirrel that runs up woman's leg finds no nuts.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
Man who lose key to apartment not get new-key.
Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam
Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's tongue!
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly
Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes
He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.

Here's one my dayd always told me:

"Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."

As someone who's seen a lot of Marx Brothers movies I know all about the Great Groucho. Here are some more of his:

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

(I think I like the last one best)

Ah Groucho, what we can learn from great men.

You are what you is... - Frank Zappa

Do you have your baggage, or do your bags have you? - Neal Morse

SlaytanicPOWER wrote:

mc666 wrote:

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Squirrel that runs up woman's leg finds no nuts.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
Man who lose key to apartment not get new-key.
Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam
Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's tongue!
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly
Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes
He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.

Confucius say those who quote me are fools.

“When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert: we start with some new stuff and then we roll out our greatest hits.” -Frank Skinner