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| 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) | |
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+5Mglaffas81 DallasBlack DeathCult krokus MoonChild 9 posters | Author | Message |
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Guest Guest
| Subject: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 22, 2007 9:41 am | |
| I got a good chuckle from this, I know there was one for Power Metal here too.
101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal)
1. The more obscure the better 2. Hearing Metallica's cover of "Am I Evil?" does not make you a NWOBHM fan 3. Without Diamond Head, there would be no Metallica 4. Without NWOBHM, there would be no Thrash 5. Constantly complain that Thrash "killed off" NWOBHM; while secretly liking Thrash 6. When someone asks you what NWOBHM stands for, tell them something like "the best genre of music, ever." Make sure they still don't understand what it means. 7. Iron Maiden after "Killers" is not NWOBHM 8. Complain that Iron Maiden "stole" Bruce Dickinson from Samson, while praising him for his work in IM 9. Dress like you're from the 80s, this includes long unkempt hair, ripped jeans, ripped denim jackets with obscure band patches and an even more obscure band t-shirt 10. Pagan Altar are gods amongst men, this is unarguable 11. Def Leppard really really suck! (Apart from their debut) 12. When forming your own NWOBHM "tribute" band, record your album in the key of A 13. In fact, record your whole career in A 14. Make sure at least one song has the main riff lifted from "2 Minutes to Midnight" 15. Which was CLEARLY a rip-off from "Welcome to Hell" by Venom anyway 16. Ballads must have a clean picked intro, a crushing middle section, followed by a fast outro 17. Only write songs about sex, drugs and rock n roll... 18. And the Devil 19. Never down tune your guitars, ever (unless you're Venom) 20. You're not Venom and never will be 21. Bad production values are a MUST, if it's highly produced, it's not NWOBHM 22. Spend exactly £5.35 on producing your album 23. Did I mention the more obscure, the better? 24. Constantly complain that band X "should've made it big" 25. Complain about bands making it big and going commercial 26. Kevin Heyborne is a living legend, even if he can't keep a stable Angel Witch line-up for more than 5 seconds 27. Two words: WITCHFINDER GENERAL 28. Track down every demo, EP and single of your favourite NWOBHM band; 29. Go as far as contacting a former member and conducting an interview with him. 30. Start up a Neo-NWOBHM band... 31. But realize your only fans will probably be in Germany and/or Sweden... 32. And you can't afford to move there... 33. Nor would you want to because then you wouldn't be NWOBHM 34. Major record companies are evil; they killed off every NWOBHM act 35. Only sign with small independent record companies... 36. Or Neat 37. Brian Ross is your idol 38. Anything past 1986 isn't real metal.... 39. Unless it's a NWOBHM reunion 40. Deliberately spell your band name wrong: substitute vowels for consonants (mainly y's) e.g. Tygers of Pan Tang, Tytan, Phyne Thanquz, etc 41. Name your band something completely irrelevant to the subject matter you sing about, e.g. Satan 42. Worship Diamond Head, daily, if necessary 43. Talk to mainstream metal fans about your favorite obscure NWOBHM act and tell them they're better than anyone they say (which is right, right?) 44. NWOBHM is the only genre that bad songwriting is acceptable 45. When recording your "live" album (keep in mind rule 21 and 22), dub in a few of your mates drunkenly shouting after every song has finished 46. Constantly remind people that Garage Inc. is far inferior to the original songs (especially the Diamond Head and Blitzkrieg covers) 47. Release your demo as a sleeveless 7" only make 500 copies; that way it'll be obscure enough to be classified as NWOBHM 48. Go to every NWOBHM reunion concert ever, even if they are held only in Germany and/or Sweden 49. High pitched vocals are a must. This is non-negotiable, unless you're Venom (see rule 20) 50. Keyboards are optional, keyboard solos however, are not 51. Never keep the same line-up for more than one single/demo/EP. Fire someone if you have to... 52. It'll probably be the drummer anyway 53. Motorhead and Judas Priest are not NWOBHM... 54. But they're pretty kickass nonetheless 55. To put your band in good light, tell people you used to perform at the Soundhouse, even if you weren't born in the 60s/70s... 56. They'd probably never find out anyway 57. NEVER under any circumstances give up on your quest for obscurity, no matter how far you dig, there will ALWAYS be a more obscure band out there (see rule 1) 58. Scorn Metallica for stealing Diamond Head's glory... 59. Even though they played together on at least one occasion 60. Lars Ulrich is an ass 61. Barry "Thuderstick" Graham isn't 62. Track down all of Bruce Dickinson's early recordings with Speed, Xero etc... 63. Even though they are pretty average at best 64. In NWOBHM, women are acceptable band members unlike that homo-erotic Thrash malarkey.... 65. Keeping in mind rule 12, record a really heavy and fast song in the key of E... 66. Make it a B-side of a lightweight melodic rock song recorded in A... 67. The A-side is intended to get "recognized" 68. Getting recognized and becoming mainstream is not NWOBHM 69. Urchin are not NWOBHM but Dave Murray and Adrian Smith played in them so it's okay 70. There's much more to Holocaust than just "The Small Hours" but their version was better than Metallica's 71. Their version of "Master of Puppets" is also better than Metallica's 72. Bass MUST be audible, but keep in mind rules 21 and 22 73. Twin guitars are a must, this is essential... 74. Unless you're Venom (see rule 20) 75. Record a load of demos, stuff them in a box, break the band up and wait 20 years until "finding" them again, release them as "The Complete Anthology" 76. Instead of recommending the more known NWOBHM bands to interested friends, show them your collection of obscure 7" singles and demo tapes, tell them "you can look but not touch"... 77. No, you haven't listened to them either. 78. The NWOBHM Encyclopaedia by Malc McMillan is your bible... 79. You have it by your bedside table and read it every night 80. Owning a few Iron Maiden albums does not make you NWOBHM... 81. Even if they are self titled and Killers 82. Track down your favorite NWOBHM bands elusive out of print "second album" 83. Realize it's crap, but keep in anyway because you just shelled out 100quid for it on eBay 84. Following rule 83, debut albums are ALWAYS a NWOBHM band's best work, this is unarguable 85. You thought I was going to say "unless you're Venom" didn't you? 86. Venom's debut IS their best work, period 87. And possibly the worst produced album, ever 88. Re-release all your albums "remastered" with all your demos and EPs tacked on the end 89. Your debut album must be raw and frantic; your sophomore album must be either hair metal or AOR 90. Your album and/or single cover must be a black and white sketch done by your mate who does art in college (part time, of course) of either your band, the Grim Reaper, skulls, or some valiant warrior on horseback 91. Don't sing about the Grim Reaper, skulls, or some valiant warrior on horseback 92. Following rules 65 and 66, record a cheesy ballad with synthesizers, make it 9 minutes long and release the lot as an EP 93. Paul DiAnno is still cool even if he was fired from Iron Maiden and done precisely nothing since then 94. To preserve your legacy, DON'T record an album, just singles, demos and EP's, this will ensure your place in the NWOBHM hall of fame... 95. After that see rule 75 96. Record all your material in your front room or garage 97. Paradoxically, foreign members are allowed in NWOBHM bands, hell, even full foreign bands can be classified as NWOBHM as long as they played at least one gig in London during the 80s 98. Progressive elements ARE allowed in NWOBHM, unlike that boring Thrash malarkey... 99. Thrash is actually really really cool, even if it is American 100. Remember kids, the more obscure the band, the better they are! 101. Don't take this list too seriously
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| | | MoonChild Metal is my Life
Number of posts : 15680 Age : 51
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:21 am | |
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| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:22 am | |
| i agree of course with 70,71, 10,26, 2 and 46...like many others,hehehe... |
| | | krokus Metal is in my blood
Number of posts : 4238 Age : 48
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 22, 2007 1:39 pm | |
| Funny list but dont agree with number 93 at all. | |
| | | DeathCult Master Of The Crotch Grab
Number of posts : 6841 Age : 50
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sun Dec 23, 2007 3:11 pm | |
| Krokus is definately right, Battlezone's and Killer's albums were some great material from Paul. Not to mention he's better than Bruce anyway. | |
| | | DallasBlack Zooey Addict
Number of posts : 17074 Age : 45
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sun Dec 23, 2007 3:19 pm | |
| Funny, but I guess I'm not NWOBHM, even though I do like it. | |
| | | Mglaffas81 Heart of Metal
Number of posts : 2256 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:04 pm | |
| Haha. If there are people actually passionately believing in every single rule (or even more than ten of them) on this list, they should be locked up in a cage! (alongside Cannibal Corpse fans...) | |
| | | krokus Metal is in my blood
Number of posts : 4238 Age : 48
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:07 pm | |
| - DeathCult wrote:
- Krokus is definately right, Battlezone's and Killer's albums were some great material from Paul. Not to mention he's better than Bruce anyway.
Yeahhhh!!!!! | |
| | | Witchfinder Metal is Forever
Number of posts : 7640 Age : 56
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Tue Dec 25, 2007 4:11 pm | |
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| | | mc666 Master Sailboat
Number of posts : 9301 Age : 45
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Tue Dec 25, 2007 4:23 pm | |
| - Locky wrote:
11. Def Leppard really really suck! (Apart from their debut) 53. Motorhead and Judas Priest are not NWOBHM... 99. Thrash is actually really really cool, even if it is American
i agree with these _________________ | |
| | | Mglaffas81 Heart of Metal
Number of posts : 2256 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:44 am | |
| The only thing on this list I would really agree on with passion, would be the last rule...if they removed "too".
And a couple of others.. | |
| | | EvyMetal Baron Von 40oz.
Number of posts : 4386 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Fri Dec 28, 2007 2:09 am | |
| AH, FINALLY I FOUND SOMETHING I CAN FIT INTO! | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Fri Dec 28, 2007 6:10 am | |
| - Mglaffas81 wrote:
- The only thing on this list I would really agree on with passion, would be the last rule...if they removed "too".
And a couple of others.. Yea I can Imagine that rule 3 hurt you a little, i'm amazed you made it passed that one actualy. . |
| | | ultmetal Administrator
Number of posts : 19452 Age : 57
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:41 am | |
| - Locky wrote:
- Mglaffas81 wrote:
- The only thing on this list I would really agree on with passion, would be the last rule...if they removed "too".
And a couple of others.. Yea I can Imagine that rule 3 hurt you a little, i'm amazed you made it passed that one actualy. . But #3 is true. Metallica based their sound on Diamond Head. It's so clear when you hear Kill 'Em All and compare it to Lightning to the Nations. There is nothing wrong with that. Every band has their influences. It's not like Metallica were secretive about it. Shoot, they covered some 3 or 4 Diamond Head songs over the years. _________________ ULTIMATUM - TOO METAL FOR WIKIPEDIA!
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| | | Mglaffas81 Heart of Metal
Number of posts : 2256 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 29, 2007 12:20 am | |
| - ultmetal wrote:
- Locky wrote:
- Mglaffas81 wrote:
- The only thing on this list I would really agree on with passion, would be the last rule...if they removed "too".
And a couple of others.. Yea I can Imagine that rule 3 hurt you a little, i'm amazed you made it passed that one actualy. . But #3 is true. Metallica based their sound on Diamond Head. It's so clear when you hear Kill 'Em All and compare it to Lightning to the Nations. There is nothing wrong with that. Every band has their influences. It's not like Metallica were secretive about it. Shoot, they covered some 3 or 4 Diamond Head songs over the years. Yes, I agree. But saying that there would be "NO" Metallica, is a little wide and rough. But yes, Metallica did indeed have very strong influence from Diamond Head, especially on Kill 'em all. It was that influence, mixed with the rough, dirty sounds of Motorhead, twin guitar attack, and screaming vocals that made Kill 'em All set the standards for Thrash Metal for years to come. | |
| | | EvyMetal Baron Von 40oz.
Number of posts : 4386 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:49 am | |
| well yes, i guess you could shoot right across to black album and beyond, if you say that metallica wasnt based offa diamond head. | |
| | | Mglaffas81 Heart of Metal
Number of posts : 2256 Age : 40
| Subject: Re: 101 rules of NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal) Sat Dec 29, 2007 4:12 am | |
| - EvyMetal wrote:
- well yes, i guess you could shoot right across to black album and beyond, if you say that metallica wasnt based offa diamond head.
I have never said they weren't. Lars and James were HUGE Diamond Head fans, and "Sucking my Love" was always a part of their early set-lists. They took the basis of their Diamond Head influence and fused it with their other British influnces, mainly Motorhead and Punk, and also added their own heavy flavor, along with Hetfield's ear-shattering youth scream. - After "Kill 'em All", which was full of Diamond Head influence, Metallica matured their sound and lyrics, digging deeper in their defining Speed/Thrash Metal genre. After that, they found their own sound. Still, Diamond Head are a huge part and reasons of what shaped Metallica. | |
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