Losing a loved one question..

Someone really close to me lost her brother in the past week. She is in a mourning stage right now and I get speechless when I am around her as I don't know what to say. Should i give her time to rest or should i be with her?

I wrote her a song about her loss and she wants to hear it but i am afraid it will make her even more upset as it chokes me up when i sing it.

Any advice how to act around someone dealing with this type of pain?

just show her support by lending an ear & a shoulder. your songs can come later, when her grieving has subsided.

MC666 is correct.

Yes. I think the most important thing is to be there to listen.

I dont know too much about this sort of thing, but I would agree with the other guys and say a song isnt really appropriate at the moment. Sounds like you really care for this person.

It is hard to explain how death effects someone, the best advise is just be there for her and of course listen when she chooses to speak about it.

There may be times she will be in a silent and reflective mood, it doesn't neccessarily mean she wants to be alone, but she may want someone there to be a true friend, which is what it sounds like you are being to her.

As far as the song, it is her call whether she wants to hear or not, but either way I am sure she is touched by the gesture.

Let her talk when she wants to - she may not want to talk right now. Don't force her to talk about it - she will need time. Forget the song for now - it's WAY too soon.

Trust me, I lost my Dad over the summer.

Thanks guys, she is special to me as i posted in the woman of my dreams thread. I think she really wants alone time and time to really reflect on what has happened.

I asked because I'm not sure what to talk about or whether i should just give her space and let her tell me when she is ready to continue on..

all good advice IMO

One of my best friends lost his dad to suicide a few years ago. I didnt know what to say, there was nothing I could say to comfort my friend (at the time he was my best friend and like a brother) So all I could do was just be around especially when it came to dealing with business associated with his father. Later he told me that if it werent for me and another mutual friend he would'nt have made it. So even if you dont know what to say Just be there because your presence alone speaks volumes of comfort

Shiney wrote:

MC666 is correct.

Yes he is. When my best friend (my brother from another mother) passed away, I could have used that. I got some support from my family but being my only close friend I had no friend to listen. I had a friend for a while that was also close friends with him (not exactly with me) but we just never felt comfortalbe talking about it (except for the one year anniversery of his death). Just be a sympathetic ear and a good friend, thats the best you can do.

While not the same situation, the best example is when my best friend was still around. When Erik was suffering through his heart problems and depression, I never knew what to say when he broke down. I tried to find the words to say but they always stuck in my throat. I found out just listening and being there for him was the best thing to do.

Thats all i have done was listen, thanks guys. I didnt want to try and say what i thought was right and have it be wrong. She opened up a little more to me today. I just told her w/e she needs I'll be there for her...

MetalRob331 wrote:

Thats all i have done was listen, thanks guys. I didnt want to try and say what i thought was right and have it be wrong. She opened up a little more to me today. I just told her w/e she needs I'll be there for her...

You did the right thing.

What made it so hard for her is the fact that there was no warning, i really dont have experience when it comes to these things as I have never been around something tragic like this. I was around for my grandmom's passing and that was a real tough time seeing my mother so upset, but it felt different because she was in the hospital so long and we all knew it was only a matter of time.

You're a good friend and that is what she'll need. In the few experiences I've had with a sudden loss unfortunately the hardest part is weeks/months later when the initial pain and shock gives way to the hard reality of living without the person. The extent of the loss really sets in.

The funeral is set for Thursday, I know that will be really tough even i get upset thinking about it...