The next "victim" calls himself 'The Good Reverend'. His team is 2-6 vs my team's leading 7-1 record. His pain will be intense.
Walking the isles of Wal-Mart was just a part of life. Get in, get out, man style! Today was different for "The Rev", however.
While picking up some pens and white-out in the supply aisle, he noticed the oddest thing. A group of midgets! "Dwarves...or little people...don't be so insensitive" "The Rev" corrected himself.
He counted....there were seven!! Seven Dwarfs! The small irony struck him. He noticed something odd about the group...each one was buying one pack of printer paper. 144 sheets per dwarf.
"Huh" he said to himself, and went about his business. Before he left the aisle he couldn't help notice how attractive one of the dwarf women was. Really, he would actually consider her hot! He'd never seen a "hot" dwarf chick before. Must be an omen!
As "The Rev" was checking out he saw the Seven Dwarfs again in their own isle checking out. He could not help noticing, nor would any man he imagined, the woman standing with them. His mouth hung open and he would have been embarrassed to see himself...but there stood easily the best looking woman he'd ever seen....in Abilene or anywhere. Just absurdly good looking. About 5'9" or 5'10" with generally dark features...dark hair, dark eyes and skin the made her look like she could be Middle Eastern, Italian, Brazilian, anything like that. Very hard to place, but definitely exotic and just too fine to be true.
Well, distracted now "The Rev" turned back to his business at hand. He paid and left for the parking lot. On the way out he mindlessly bought some hot chocolate from the school kids selling for who knows what. It was only $.50, and it was chilly today, perfect for some hot chocolate.
"The Rev" had half the hot chocolate down by the time he got to his truck. Once he put his bags in and settled into the driver's seat he decided to just finish the rest right then and there. No sense driving and trying to drink such a hot beverage at the same time. Stupid kids didn't have lids for the cups.
The Sun was coming through his truck window making the inside of the cab feel warmer than the actual temperature outside would suggest. "The Rev" assumed that accounted for his sleepiness. A late night + the warm Sun = nap time! Man, was he tired! He can't sleep here in the Wal Mart parking lot, but he sure wanted to. Each second he felt more and more tired. He reached for the radio knob and his hand looked like a distant object that really didn't belong to his own body. He just couldn't keep his eyes open, and in fact soon enough fell asleep right there at the wheel of his truck.
"The Rev" awoke suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. When he was able to open his eyes he tried to rub them and found that he couldn't move his arms. In fact, he couldn't move at all!! His arms and legs were tied and he was stretched out in the shape of an X, more or less. He was gagged with a red ball in his mouth. He couldn't breathe through his mouth. He was instantly in a "flight or fight" mode, but he could do neither!!
Alone in a room he didn't know and with nothing more than himself in it, he was freaking out. He wondered what in the World was going on. He didn't have long to find out. Within minutes, it seems, a door directly in front of him opened and much to his shock the tall gorgeous woman from Wal-Mart walked in. She looked at him but said nothing. She was wearing strange clothing he imagined a German housewife would wear....but somehow on this woman is was still sexy as can be. He chastised himself for thinking such a thing considering that he was in a very bad and troubling situation. Men are such idiots!
The woman just stood there saying nothing. "The Rev" couldn't say anthing. It went on like that for a few more minutes when suddenly the woman snapped her fingers. The door opened again and even more shockingly the Seven Dwarfs walked in and formed a semi-circle around "The Rev".
They were each holding the printer paper he saw them buying at Wal Mart. 144 x 7. In his mind he did the math...."14 x 7 = 98...so add the zero... 980 + the other 4 x 7.....1008 sheets of paper". What on this green Earth were they going to do with 1008 sheets of printer paper??
With lightning speed the tall woman suddendly stepped forward brandishing a pair of scissors. Quickly and with skill she cut all the clothing off "The Rev" leaving only his underwear. With not nearly the speed but with a slow approach the creepily grinning dwarfs drew closer to "The Rev". They each approached him, one at a time, with a sheet of paper in their hands. The first dwarf approached and, after looking over "The Rev" and winking....slashed at him with the paper!! "Muunghmmuuunngg!!" "The Rev" tried to yelp through his gag but only a muffled sound came out. He turned red with pain and anger. He couldn't believe how much a paper cut could hurt! It had been years since he had one. This was easily the worst ever...and it was on purpose. The next dwarf stepped up and did the same thing. Then the next, and the next, and the next. All seven took their turn. After they had cut "The Rev" they threw their sheet to the ground.
In his pain "The Rev" didn't notice that the tall woman had left and returned. She was now holding what "The Rev" could only call a 'Boom Box'. Straight out of the mid-80's. The tall woman pushed 'play' and some crappy techno music came blaring out of the speakers. At this, the dwarfs started a goofy march around and around "The Rev" and one at a time each one would lunge in and slash him with a fresh sheet of paper. The pain was intense! He never imagined it could hurt like that.
Something awful dawned on "The Rev"....1008 sheets! 1008 freakin' paper cuts!! His head started to swim. The dwarfs had only marched around 4-5 times so that was only 28-35 cuts!! How was he going to endure more than 1000??
Pretty soon "The Rev" had accumulated enough small cuts that tiny streams of blood started trickling to the floor. At one point the dwarf woman he had considered 'hot' approaced and perfectly placed a sheet of paper across his chest and violently pulled the sheet across....slicing his nipples in two!! Muuuughhghgh!!!!! he screamed through his red gag-ball!! The pain was incredible, and he mercifully lost consciousness.
"The Rev" awoke some time later, his head pounding, to find the nightmare still on-going. The dwarfs were still marching their insane march and slicing him with sheets. He could see by the pile on the floor and the blood pooling that they had sliced him with little tiny cuts hundreds of times now, but that there were still hundreds of sheets left. He also noticed an IV had been placed in his right arm. A bag of fluid was dripping into him. It looked like normal saline and the fluid was unclouded, but he wondered what else the dwarfs and the tall woman were up to.
The endless cutting continued, it seemed, for hours. Finally the last sheet dropped to the floor. When it did the tall woman stopped the awful music and the dwarfs filed out of the door. "The Rev" was bleeding badly, but still alive. The next sight, however, filled him with dread. A man dressed in a robe and wearing a mask walked into the room. With him came a pig also wearing a mask!! The man carried two large buckets of what smelled like what only raw sewage can smell like. The pig was dragging a small 'little red wagon' which had a small inflatible pool on it. The robed man inflated the pool and poured the sewage into it. He then whispered to the pig, and left the room. The pig walked up to "The Rev" and sniffed him, grunting they way pigs do.
The next thing the pig did was awful...with a mad and piercing squeal he jumped into the sewage and started splashing around! The filth was splashing all over "The Rev"...stinging his wounds and filling him with dread. He knew as the sewage was covering him and soaking his body that he was being infected with millions of bacteria. Who knew what all was in that sewage? He did know he was a dead man.
The pig finally stopped what he was doing and left the room. No one returned for days. "The Rev" started feeling fever on the second day, along with intense hunger and thirst. He occassionaly fell asleep, but awoke each time alive yet in misery....unable to save himself.
At the end of the third day "The Rev" was in awful shape and becoming sick. He temp had to be well above 100, end the need to vomit was coming. He started writhing against his bonds and thrashing to and fro....screaming through his gag-ball "Muuuuu, mmuuughgh, mmmuuuummmghghmuugh!!!!!" but it was no use. With horror he felt the vomit rising as his body began to wretch! The awful force of the wretching movement made vomit spew out of the corners of his mouth and through his nose, but that was not enough to drain the vomit. The red gag-ball held most of the vomit back.
"The Rev", who wasn't drunk or on drugs none-the-less drowned in his own vomit
Subject: Bizarre Death saga....the next story. 
Tue Oct 28, 2008 4:38 pm
Sad, but true. It's fun for me. The guys don't always know what to think...but I have to be fair and kill them all until the season's over.