I Wrote A Story

I want to share the story I wrote if anybody is interested. It's actually the second story I wrote. I have an MLP fanfic that I wrote but nobody here would be interested in that. I was doing my work at Amazon when I came up with doing the Cinderella story from the perspective of one of the stepsisters. What if Cinderella wasn't the poor innocent waif the tales would have us believe?. What if her step family was justified in treating her so badly? In about one hour, I had the story complete in my head. All I needed to do was get home and type it out. I had posted this on my Deviant Art page and have gotten some positive responses so I thought I'd see what you guys think. I've been told it's a little repetitive here and there but otherwise a good story. I'm quite happy with it considering how quickly I created it. My last story took months of planning and more months of typing (course it was over 70 pages, more with side stories-this is only 6) and after it was over I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to create another one (wasn't even sure how I came up with the other either) but this just came to me out of the blue:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fohAzZ6VYnTDPBoyedZ_ISemSfR0rkwPhK2eD3Gj7ok/edit

Constructive criticism is Ok, but please, be gentle.

Unfortunately I'm on my cell phone at the moment and its browser sucks, so for whatever reason the link doesn't work for me. Next time I'm on a PC I'll give it a look.

... so is this Cinderella fan-fic about the band? Maybe Tom Keifer and Eric Brittingham driving around in a van solving mysteries and fighting the forces of evil? Cuz that would be awesome.

Sorry, but...

DallasBlack wrote:

It's actually the second story I wrote. I have an MLP fanfic that I wrote but nobody here would be interested in that.

MLP, as in My Little Pony?!

Lari wrote:

Sorry, but...

DallasBlack wrote:

It's actually the second story I wrote. I have an MLP fanfic that I wrote but nobody here would be interested in that.

MLP, as in My Little Pony?!

Yes, I am a big fan of the current generation (I HATE the older ones). However, I don't make too big of a deal about it around here.

Fat Freddy wrote:

Unfortunately I'm on my cell phone at the moment and its browser sucks, so for whatever reason the link doesn't work for me. Next time I'm on a PC I'll give it a look.

... so is this Cinderella fan-fic about the band? Maybe Tom Keifer and Eric Brittingham driving around in a van solving mysteries and fighting the forces of evil? Cuz that would be awesome.

Now That would be awesome Freddy! And Jeff and Fred could be like Shaggy and Scooby and be afraid of every monster they find. Haha!

Thrasher73 wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

Unfortunately I'm on my cell phone at the moment and its browser sucks, so for whatever reason the link doesn't work for me. Next time I'm on a PC I'll give it a look.

... so is this Cinderella fan-fic about the band? Maybe Tom Keifer and Eric Brittingham driving around in a van solving mysteries and fighting the forces of evil? Cuz that would be awesome.

Now That would be awesome Freddy! And Jeff and Fred could be like Shaggy and Scooby and be afraid of every monster they find. Haha!

They could put that in the Adult Swim line-up along with Mike Tyson's cartoon.

DallasBlack wrote:

Lari wrote:

Sorry, but...

DallasBlack wrote:

It's actually the second story I wrote. I have an MLP fanfic that I wrote but nobody here would be interested in that.

MLP, as in My Little Pony?!

Yes, I am a big fan of the current generation (I HATE the older ones). However, I don't make too big of a deal about it around here.

you mean the show my 10 year old daughter watches???

DallasBlack wrote:

Thrasher73 wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

... so is this Cinderella fan-fic about the band? Maybe Tom Keifer and Eric Brittingham driving around in a van solving mysteries

Now That would be awesome Freddy! And Jeff and Fred could be like Shaggy and Scooby and be afraid of every monster they find. Haha!

They could put that in the Adult Swim line-up along with Mike Tyson's cartoon.

"Cinderella Meets the Phantom of the Park"

exact33 wrote:

DallasBlack wrote:

Lari wrote:

Sorry, but...

DallasBlack wrote:

It's actually the second story I wrote. I have an MLP fanfic that I wrote but nobody here would be interested in that.

MLP, as in My Little Pony?!

Yes, I am a big fan of the current generation (I HATE the older ones). However, I don't make too big of a deal about it around here.

you mean the show my 10 year old daughter watches???

Yes, and the same show that has a large fan base of adult males. I've always liked cartoons in my adult life. I've watched Spongebob, Fairly Oddparents, Dave The Barbarian, Danny Phantom, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Phineas and Ferb, and many other cartoons whose target audience is kids. This show is no different and consists of humor that transcends age and gender.

Fun little story... However, you seem to like to use the word "however".  
Also, you wrote that the step sisters feet were "too small", yet they had to cut off parts of their feet to fit the slipper.

The Succubus part was an interesting twist to the story. Imagine the King Diamond version!

Troublezone wrote:

Fun little story... However, you seem to like to use the word "however".  
Also, you wrote that the step sisters feet were "too small", yet they had to cut off parts of their feet to fit the slipper.

Yeah, didn't catch that, thanks. The however was probably one of the parts I was told was a bit repetitive. I'll go back and edit it.