http://www.cracked.com/funny-2359-progressive-rock/
Progressive Rock is an attempt to musically orgasm as many times as possible during a 15-minute song.
- Progressive
rock is categorized by a sacking of traditional song structure, complex
rhythms, odd time signatures and a sense of inherent superiority over
other rock genres
- Because of this, it's pretty much never been popular
- It is the only rock genre in which the term "flute solo" has any meaning
There is no clear definition of progressive rock, as it is not
bounded by convention, structure, tradition or common sense.
Progressive rock is like the anti-socialite of music; there are no
rules or restrictions.
However, progressive rock bands have typically featured:
- Extremely skilled guitarists, drummers, bassists and keyboardists
- Okay singers
- Huge egos
- Tons of drugspiration
- No sense of when to stop a song
Basically, progressive rock is anything-goes rock music. If you feel
like adding a 30-second audio clip of some farm animals orgasming in
the middle of your song, that's a-ok by progressive standards. Hell,
it's even encouraged. Literally anything you can record a sound of is
welcome in progressive rock.
Except autotune.
Instrumentals are a common feature of progressive rock. In some cases, the instrumental is a showcasing of pure, raw talent. In other cases, the artists have just thrown up their hands and said, "fuck it. We're going to yodel for a few minutes."
If you ever get trapped into a discussion with a prog-rocker and have
no idea what's happening, just remember this rule of thumb: A good
barometer of progressive rock quality is the number of instruments used
at any one time.
The concept album is a staple of progressive rock. Examples range from Pink Floyd's
Animals (about the evils of capitalism) to Rush's
2112 (about the virtues of capitalism), and Uriah Heep's
Demons and Wizards (elves and smurf poo) Jethro Tull's famous concept album,
Thick As A Brick,
consisted of a solitary track lasting for 43 minutes. (Although
technically they had to split it across two sides because it was too
damn long.)
Classic progressive rock is an era defined predominantly by its artists' pants.Conversely, modern progressive rock is characterised by a distinct lack of pants.
Classic progressive rock bands emerged in
the late 60s and 70s, marking the only period in human history in which
progressive rock was commercially viable. If only because everyone was
on LSD.
Progressive rock fans were impressed by
the genre's fusion of jazz-like technical proficiency and classic rock
sensibilities. The most famous example was Pink Floyd, under whose
shadow all other prog bands live.
Key Bands - Pink Floyd, Rush, Genesis, King Crimson
Modern progressive rock is more diversified, with many offshoots of
the core "progressive" motif. Progressiveness can now be attached to
death metal bands (Opeth), thrash metal (Dream Theater, Pain of
Salvation), orchestras (Apocalpytica, Symphony X) and even retard metal
(Rammstein).
Modern progressive rock bands took on heavily stylized and
niche-filling sounds, as opposed to classic progressive rock, where all
the bands basically sounded like they were high.
Key Bands - Dream Theater, Porcupine Tree, Opeth, Queensryche.
How to Form Your Own Prog Band 1. Experimentation
While most rock bands experiment during practice, prog bands are
encouraged to do this on their records. When making a prog album, feel
free to go beserk in the studio.
Of course, you won't actually sell any albums.
2. Choosing A Band NameYou really have two options when choosing a prog band name. You can
either go with something "simple but random", like Yes, Rush and Camel
(may we suggest "Spinach", "Taco" or "Hat"?); or you can use a complex
title if it is sufficiently outlandish.
The second route is riskier, but the payoff is enormous if you nail
it. Enthusiasts love to quote their favourite obscure bands, and the
zanier the better. ("Oh, you haven't heard of
Mr Bungle? Next you're going to tell me you aren't a fan of
Van Der Graaf Generator.")
Some suggestions to get you started:
- Interstellar Spinach
- The Epic Taco Project
- Hat Dimension
Vintage examples are The Mars Volta and Porcupine Tree. In fact,
The Vintage Examples would probably work, too.
3. Merge Your Songs
Okay, so you have a record. Ten songs, four minutes apiece.You may need to tweak some of the titles and insert an instrumental
track to amp up your "wackiness", but the most important thing you'll
need to do is merge those tracks into three or four longer songs.
Don't worry, the songs don't actually need to sound similar, just
make sure that they flow into one another. (May we suggest the
accompaniment of a flute, viola, trumpet or tambourine to ease the
transition?).
You will now be referring to these songs as 'sections'.
Congratulations! You have attained prog rock success. You will now
spend the next 30 years hiding from an impossibly devoted cult
following while living in your mother's basement.
Subject: Progressive Rock explained 
Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:45 pm
