The Fat Freddy Review Column

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:16 am

I've been on a reviewing binge this week... here's a few new ones

WOLFPACK UNLEASHED – ANTHEMS OF RESISTANCE (C) Napalm Records, 2007
10 Tracks, RT: 46:49
[ http://www.wolfpackunleashed.com ]
[ http://www.napalmrecords.com ]
I give guitarist Wops Koch of Austria’s Wolfpack Unleashed credit for his honesty. In the bio sheet that accompanies ANTHEMS OF RESISTANCE, he is quoted as saying his band “realized quickly that all classic Thrash riffs had already been written,” so at least he doesn’t think he’s re-inventing the metal genre on his band’s debut album. He then goes on to say “…so we used minor chords and melodies to create a unique sound,” but I suppose “unique” would be in the ear of the beholder. I found ANTHEMS OF RESISTANCE to be a pretty cool old school thrash album, but not a mindblowing release by any stretch of the imagination. The obvious influence here is the glorious Bay Area Thrash of old, i.e. early Metallica, Testament, Megadeth, etc… in fact, if James Hetfield (in his younger days) had joined ‘Deth and recorded RUST IN PEACE with them, it might have sounded something like this. (Gunther Wirth does have a slight vocal similarity to Hetfield, though his occasional growls – which lean a little too much towards Machine Head territory for me -- are entirely his own.) The real stars of Wolfpack Unleashed are the guitar team of Koch and Karl Preininger, as well as human drum machine Daniel Habert, who lay down a bed of seriously shredding, sledgehammer riffs and drum abuse beneath Wirth’s vocals. “Retro-Thrash” seems to be the flavor of the day right now with bands like Municipal Waste, Evile, SSS, Skeletonwitch, and many others picking up the spiked wristbands where 1989 left off, and though I’m not totally sold on the style as of yet, I’d say Wolfpack Unleashed are a worthy entrant into the category. Since they’re still a very young band (they only formed in 2005), I’d be interested in hearing them again in another album or two to see how they’ve progressed. As it stands, ANTHEMS OF RESISTANCE is a decent enough listen but not a must have unless you’re a thrash completist.

RESISTANCE – PATENTS OF CONTROL (B) Lion Music, 2007
11 Tracks, RT: 50:53
[ http://www.resistancemetal.com ]
[ http://www.myspace.com/resistancemetal ]
[ http://www.lionmusic.com/patentsofcontrol.htm ]

This is one of those CDs that took a couple of spins before it really started to sink in, but I was glad when it finally did. Resistance hails from Los Angeles and on PATENTS OF CONTROL (their second album), they have taken the concept album route, crafting a story about “one man’s obsession to provide humanity with the ideal society,” as well as “thought and behavior control through the use of devices that have actual United States Patents” and “the idea of world illuminati… to create a new world order.” Whew, sounds complicated, huh? Unfortunately, the promotional copy I was sent didn’t include a booklet or lyric sheet so I have no idea if any of that stuff (which I quoted from the bio) makes any sense when laid out in musical form…all I have to go on are the tunes themselves, and fortunately for Resistance, they’re quite good. PATENTS OF CONTROL is some intense yet melodic thrash that brings comparisons to JUSTICE-era Metallica and SOMETHING WICKED-era Iced Earth, with a twist of Nevermore’s technical wizardry for good measure. (They’re not quite as bizarre as Nevermore can occasionally be, but the similarity is definitely there.) The album kicks off quite nicely with the pounding “Inhumanation,” during which vocalist Robbie Hetts bears a slight resemblance to Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach. (!!) “Ashes of Tomorrow” is another highlight, featuring a catchy chorus (which is something a lot of newer thrash bands forget to provide in their music!), then Hetts gets some gruffer vocal assistance from Dreams of Damnation’s gravel voiced hellion, Loana D.P. Valencia, on the track “Paternal Shift” (which also features a guest solo from D.O.D./former Dark Angel axeman Jim Durkin). As previously mentioned, I can’t really follow the concept of PATENTS OF CONTROL without a CD booklet, but several of the tracks begin or end with the sounds of news broadcasts or weird sound effects (very MINDCRIME-ish!) that I assume must help move the story along. But even without getting the whole picture, PATENTS OF CONTROL comes across as a damn fine piece of dark sci-fi oriented thrash that will continue to see repeated spins in my CD player.

ROCKARMA – BRING IT! (B) Kivel Records, 2008
12 Tracks, RT: 41:49
[ http://www.rockarma.com ]
[ http://www.myspace.com/rockarma ]
[ http://www.kivelrecords.com ]
[ http://www.myspace.com/kivelrecords ]

Sitting down to review this disc caused me to battle some personal demons at first. I know one of the band members personally (guitarist Pete Fry, a fellow Jersey boy and a good friend from the “Heavy Harmonies” message board), so I had a lot of thinking to do before I even pressed “play” on BRING IT!... if I gave the album a rave review, would people then accuse me of kissing the band’s ass because of my ever-so-slight personal connection to them? Even worse, if I hated the disc, would Pete come to my house (he only lives about an hour and a half away from me) and kick my ass? Betcha you didn’t know that amateur music critics like me ever had these kind of troubles, huh? Finally I simply asked myself, “would I like this disc even if I didn’t know Pete played on it?” and the answer came back a resounding YES. For the uninitiated, Rockarma is a Canadian melodic rock band (Pete is a new recruit) that continues in the tradition of ‘80s arena-rock forefathers like Firehouse, Dokken, Stryper, Winger, Cinderella, Slaughter, et cetera, et cetera (the list could go on and on). As a result, BRING IT (their second album) sounds like it fell out of a time capsule straight from 1988. You won’t find any “modern rock” influences on BRING IT, and that’s just fine by me, brother! The band is tight, vocalist Damon Kelly sounds like a combination of C.J. Snare (Firehouse) and Robin Zander (Cheap Trick), and the songs are straight-up catchy, pop-edged hard rock anthems -- the kind of stuff we all grooved to on the radio back in the day. My favorite tracks were “Get Me Outta This Hole” (the guitar work in this one is pure George Lynch), “Let’s Go” (a crunchy track with a swaggering groove similar to JetBoy’s “Feel The Shake”) and the tender “Missing You” (which isn’t a cover of the John Waite AOR classic, by the way, even though that would’ve been pretty cool… it’s actually closer to Stryper’s “Always There For You”), but truthfully, nearly all of these songs had me humming along after only a couple of spins. BRING IT! is simply a fun listen all the way through and it provided a much needed, very pleasant break from all the B-list metalcore, thrash and hardcore CDs I’ve been reviewing around here lately. BRING IT comes highly recommended to everyone who misses the commercial hard rock sound of the late ‘80s golden era, and I know there are lots of you out there. Do yourself (and my friend Pete) a favor and buy several copies!
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"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:04 pm

Bring It! is a big improvement over Damon Kelly's first disc but I still wish it was a little heavier. Great melodies on this one though.

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:21 pm

Another new one:
CATASTROPHIC – PATHOLOGY OF MURDER (C) Napalm Records, 2008
11 tracks, RT:

With all due respect to the members of Catastrophic and the nice folks at Napalm Records, this CD got sent to the WRONG guy, because I am not a death metal fan at all, therefore I am pretty much unqualified to review this disc. Just giving you fair warning, fellas. On with it, then… Catastrophic once counted guitarist Trevor Peres of Obituary among their ranks (he appeared on their debut release THE CLEANSING, released via Metal Blade back in ‘01) but now that he’s rejoined the Obituary mothership, the rest of the band has soldiered on without him, releasing an EP in 2005 and now their sophomore full length, PATHOLOGY OF MURDER. If you’re a fan of this particular style, then you already know what you’re going to get before you even crack the shrink wrap on this CD. Nothin’ screams "Death Metal" louder than an album cover with butcher knives and severed heads on it, and PATHOLOGY OF MURDER contains all of the usual death metal hallmarks -- high speed, twisted guitar riffage, guttural vocals, drums that sound like a bunch of nuts and bolts clanging around in a blender, and shiny-happy song titles like "Healthy Dose of Hate," "Generation Decimation," and "Apathy’s Warm Embrace." I didn’t receive a lyric sheet with my promotional copy, but obviously I don’t need one to know that these guys aren’t singing about sunshine and bunnies. It’s not the worst death metal release I’ve ever heard, it’s not the best, and those of you who know more about this genre have probably already decided to buy it without the help of my useless uninformed opinion. All I can really say about it is "Meh, it’s OK if ya like this sorta thing, I guess. Next disc please."
_________________

"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Mon Mar 17, 2008 6:33 pm

Busted a few more reviewin' moves this week:

GYPSY CARNS – THE WATCHMAN (B)
TTM Records, 2007
12 Tracks, RT: 36:42
I’d never heard of Gypsy Carns until this CD arrived in my mailbox, but it appears that this guitar-slingin’, blues-rock wailin’ Nashville native has led quite an interesting life, according to the bio on his web site. Though his musical career dates back to the early 1960s (!), Gypsy became a Christian in the early 90s and since then he has been traveling the world, playing what he calls "Apocalyptic Messianic Rock," i.e. bluesy hard-edged music with a deeply religious message about the "end times" we are currently living in. THE WATCHMAN is his eighth religious album and though I may not terribly well versed in this particular musical style, I gotta say that I was very impressed by the soulful grooves that emanated from my stereo during my very first spin of THE WATCHMAN. Gypsy’s emotional guitar playing and rough-and-ready vocal style will immediately make you feel like you’re ankle-deep in a swamp somewhere way down South. THE WATCHMAN is hard core, pedal-to-the-metal biker rock, best described thusly: imagine if members of the Allman Brothers, ZZ Top, and heck, maybe even a couple of George Throrogood’s Destroyers got some of that old-time religion and then got together to kick out some sanctified jams. Tracks like "End of the Age," "Pray For Love," and my personal favorite "Searchin" are catchy, to-the-point, and don’t overstay their welcome with endless soloing/jamming. The extremely bold, in-your-face religious content in each and every lyric may become tiresome quickly for non-Christian listeners and therefore might prevent Gypsy from making any kind of crossover into the "secular" blues/rock market, but I’d imagine that crossing over is not a major priority for him anyway. All I can say is "jam on brother, jam on!"

SLIK HELVETIKA – KRYPT KICKER 5 (C)
Metro City/Screaming Ferret, 2007
9 Tracks, RT: 20:42
I reviewed the self-titled debut from this Pennsylvania-based band for Detritus back in ’05, and if memory serves, I compared the disc to a mix of early W.A.S.P., Accept, and a pinch of CREATURES OF THE NIGHT era KISS, and found them to be a fun (if somewhat dunderheaded) retro-metal listening experience, but not a must-hear. A few years have passed since then and now "The Slik’s" follow up EP, KRYPT KICKER 5, has arrived in my mailbox. After a couple of spins it sounds like my now three-year-old description of the band still holds water; in fact, KRYPT KICKER 5 sounds like it could have been recorded at the same time as the debut. However, I didn’t find this one to be nearly as much fun as the previous disc. "KK5" technically has nine tracks on it, but only five of these are actual songs, with a couple of supposedly humorous skits (!) in between songs taking up the rest of the run time. Unfortunately, these bits (which the band bills as "Various Skits of Phrenia" on the back of the CD -- har de har har! That’s about as sophisticated as this band GETS, kids!) are incredibly silly and should’ve been left off the album so the music could do more of the talking. Song-wise, KRYPT KICKER 5 is solid enough stuff, let down a bit by the fuzzy production job and lyrics that are heavy on the cheese factor. The strongest track is the opening song, "Bastard," which is a classic screaming metal anthem with a bit of a Judas Priest feel and plenty of shredding guitar. "You & Me" isn’t half bad either, but "Crack The Sky" gets annoying due to the over-use of Mikhail Myers’ high-pitched screams. "Pain" and "Pray For the Future" both have their decent chugging moments as well, but in the end, KRYPT KICKER 5 is an underwhelming release from a band that seems content to merely run in place and rehash their previous material rather than progress any further with their sound.

HERMANO - …INTO THE EXAM ROOM (C)
Suburban/Regain Records, 2008
12 Tracks, RT: 43:46
Somehow or other I managed to miss out on the entire Kyuss mini-phenomenon during the early-to-mid ‘90s. I remember reading about that now-legendary stoner-metal outfit in nearly every rock magazine during that period and wondering who they were and why they were getting so much love, but still heard very little, if any, of their musical output, so if you put a gun to my head right now and asked me to name five Kyuss songs, I’d have to tell you, "pull the trigger." The reason I bring this up is because former Kyuss guy John Garcia is now a member of Hermano, which naturally is one of the major selling points in the label’s bio and promotional material for INTO THE EXAM ROOM. Since I’m clueless about Kyuss, the connection meant next to nothing to me, of course, so therefore I was able to listen to INTO THE EXAM ROOM with no preconceptions or expectations whatsoever. I’ve only recently begun dipping my toes into the "stoner rock" realm via recent outputs by bands like C.O.C. and Monster Magnet, but Hermano doesn’t sound much like either one of them; instead, INTO THE EXAM ROOM seems far more laid back and "trippy" sounding. This is one of those bands that doesn’t exactly "jam," so to speak, but "flows," if you know what I mean. I get the feeling that the Hermano dudes spend a lot of time doing mushrooms and listening to Hendrix, maaaaaan….! John Garcia’s vocals remind me of Cinderella’s Tom Keifer at times (I swear to God!), and the musicians are amazingly tight considering how sprawling and all-over-the-place this album sounds at times. Unfortunately, other than when an occasional riff would catch my attention (as in "Left Side Bleeding" and "Hard Working Wall"), most of this album went in one ear and out the other for me. I’ll admit that it sounds great while it’s playing but I’m damned if I can remember a bit of it once it’s over. Are these guys a little TOO laid back and spacey sounding for their own good, or is my A.D.D. getting worse as I get older? Either way, I’d recommend this to folks who’ve followed Garcia since his Kyuss days and maybe to folks who do a lot of the aforementioned mushrooms, but that’s about it. I guess that means I failed this EXAM.
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"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:27 pm

One more. Yea, it's been quiet round here today. Laughing

DOG FACED GODS – SPIT IN MY EYE (C)
Voodoo Nation Records, 2008
12 Tracks, RT: 55:20 (plus multi-media section)
Talk about false advertising! This band shares its name with a song title from Testament’s classic LOW album (1994), and the CD cover bears a bit of a resemblance to Prong’s CLEANSING artwork, so I thought I’d be hearing a thrash CD. What I got was a pretty dull, modern groove-rock/aggro CD with occasional metallic moments. Take a bit of Pantera, add a LOT of Godsmack, and throw in a pinch of Black Label Society, bingo – Dog Faced Gods. This sort of thing is not my deal at all, but if you’re into the stuff that passes for "metal" on commercial radio these days, you should be all over this one. The band is tight, the album is well played, and the band’s hulking, shaven-headed, heavily pierced and tattooed vocalist "Short Dawg" has a pleasant enough croon to his voice, but unfortunately SPIT IN MY EYE was another case of "in one ear, out the other" for me, even after about a dozen spins. In the end, the only song that even raised a grin on my face was the silly-on-purpose "Bad Mother F**ker." For those who are still interested, the CD also contains a multi-media section for your computer that offers web links, a photo gallery, and the video for the album’s opening track "Meltdown," which is a nice touch that you don’t see very often anymore. Sorry fellas, I guess it’s pretty obvious that this disc didn’t do a thing for me, but I personally wouldn’t be surprised to see’em on OzzFest’s Second Stage or on the cover of Metal Edge Magazine sometime in the near future, since that’s obviously the market they’re shooting for. They’ll just have to do it without me.
_________________

"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:40 pm

Been awhile since I did any new reviews, but this week I'm trying to get caught up on the pile of backlogged review stuff that's taking up major space on my desk so here's what will hopefully be the first of several freshies:

LOAD POINT PULL – DOWN IN FLAMES (C-) WTO Records, 2007
11 Tracks, RT: 46:12

The nicest thing I can say about this Kansas City combo is that their lead singer does a helluva good Rob Zombie impression. Maybe Load Point Pull ought to think about becoming a White Zombie tribute band, because wow, this guy sure sounds a lot like Rob. According to the band’s bio, Load Point Pull’s history dates back to the late ‘90s, where they released a debut album (1998’s WE’VE COME TO TAKE WHAT’S OURS) and scored a bunch of Midwestern gigs opening for such bands as Creed (!), Stabbing Westward (!), Vince Neil, and many others before going on hiatus for a few years at the turn of the century. The band decided to regroup in 2005 and their second album, DOWN IN FLAMES, a self described "lethal mix of industrial fused modern metal," is the result. I have issues with the term "modern" because to me this already sounds pretty dated – i.e. "late 90s aggro-rock" – to me. DOWN IN FLAMES reminds me of the dozens of instantly forgettable, so-called "hard music" bands that the major labels and mass media and were trying to pass off on us as "metal" back when that term was considered a dirty word. If this disc had been released in 2001, Metal Edge would’ve been putting these guys on the cover and they would’ve had an OzzFest side stage gig in their back pockets. Nowadays, I get the feeling that they’re chasing a train that’s already pulled out of the station and has disappeared over the horizon. On the plus side, the band does indeed have decent chops, the CD is well produced and the songs are listenable enough while the disc is playing, though I honestly don’t remember a thing about any of them after I hit the "stop" button – and I really, really tried. Sorry if this isn’t the most informative review I’ve ever written, but there’s really not much to work with here. I guess if generic "hard rock" is your bag, or you just happen to really, REALLY miss White Zombie, maybe this band will float your boat, but obviously they didn’t float mine one iota.
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"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:07 pm

This one's not new. It dates back a few years, but I pulled it from the archives to send to someone @ another forum and figured what the hell, let's post it up here too. Smile

C.I.A. - ATTITUDE ( C )
Screaming Ferret Wreckords, 2004
9 Tracks, RT: 30:02

Sometimes I think it would save record labels a lot of time and trouble if they would poll prospective record buyers before they re-issue an album, to see if there is really enough public demand for it. For example, if Screaming Ferret Wreckords had e-mailed a few thousand metalheads and asked them the following multiple choice question:

"Would you be interested in buying a re-issue of ATTITUDE, the second album from C.I.A?"
A) Yes, Definitely!
B.)I'm not sure
C) Who the hell is C.I.A.?

...I'd bet ten bucks that the overwhelming response would've been "C." The main reason that ATTITUDE has been reissued, I suppose, is because it features drummer Glenn Evans of Nuclear Assault, and Screaming Ferret must hope that this disc will tide N.A. fans over till they release forthcoming all-new Assault album later this year. ATTITUDE was the second disc from Evans' fairly obscure early 90s side project and apparently it was only released in Europe back in 1992, so who knows, there may be a few diehards out there who are actually waiting for this to get a legitimate U.S. release. (Hmmm... on second thought, nah. No there aren't.) Otherwise, ATTITUDE will probably cause most listeners to scratch their heads and say, "Why did they bother?" It's not a bad album, just not a particularly memorable one. I will give props to Evans for being a surprisingly talented multi-instrumentalist -- he handles drums, guitars, bass AND lead vocals on this disc, with some guitar help from his Assault mate Anthony Bramante and one time T.T. Quick axeman Dave DiPietro, (who would then go on to play with the
Assault on their final album SOMETHING WICKED back in 1993), but
overall ATTITUDE simply didn't float my boat. It's perfectly competent speed/thrash metal that sounds fine while it's playing (imagine, if you can, a slightly less sloppy sounding version of Megadeth's KILLING IS MY BUSINESS..., and you're in the ball park) but once the disc is over you'll be hard pressed to remember anything of what you've just heard. There are lots and LOTS of guitar solos (give a drummer a guitar, and he's gonna show you what he can do with it before you stick him back behind the kit, I guess), and Evans' vocals sound like an angry Ace Frehley. I've listened to ATTITUDE about a dozen times since I got it and the bulk of the album still goes in one ear and out the other. Even
now, the only song that sticks in my head is "Ace in the Hole," due to its catchy shouts of "CIA! CIA! CIA!" during the chorus. Otherwise, the CD is best summed up by the title of track #2: "Don't Waste My Time." ATTITUDE may be of interest to Nuclear Assault completists, but for the average record buyer there's really no need to bother.
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"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Guest

In the Red wasn't that great. I don't get why he even released a second album.

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:11 pm

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:32 pm

ATROCITY – WERK 80 II (B-) Napalm Records, 2008
11 Tracks
Wow…this is a WEIRD album, but then Germany’s Atrocity has always been a pretty weird band if memory serves. It’s been quite a while since I’ve heard them, but I remember them as a death metal band with some artsy-fartsy leanings. It would appear that over the years since I last checked in with Atrocity, they’ve gotten even artsier-fartsier, and adopted some symphonic/ orchestral/gothic elements into their sound as well. On 1997’s WERK 80 (unheard by me), Atrocity had some fun and covered a batch of classic ‘80s pop songs in their own bizarre style, and now a decade later they’re revisiting that concept on the sequel, WERK 80 II. After three spins of this album, I’m chuckling to myself and saying, “Wow…how am I going to accurately describe this??” Let’s try this…fans of the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” TV series will remember the “Bronze” nightclub, which was where Buffy and her pals would hang out in between fighting the forces of evil. WERK 80 II sounds like the music you’d hear blaring from the juke box in that nightclub…or perhaps this could be a karaoke performance by Mike Myers’ old “Saturday Night Live” character “Dieter.” (“I am insane now.”) Out of the 11 tracks on offer here, the songs that worked best for me are the ones I was most familiar with. A pretty straightforward take on Depeche Mode’s “People Are People” kicks off the album, and even though I’ve never been a big D.M. fan, I always did like this particular track, and they do it justice. The cover of Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me” (a.k.a. the theme from “The Breakfast Club” to those of us who came of age in the ‘80s) is simply freakin’ brilliant, taking on the darker tones of Atrocity’s sound while still maintaining a grip on the original’s pop feel. A-Ha’s “The Sun Always Shines On TV” is brightened up by the angelic vocals of Leaves Eyes’ Liv Kristine (who happens to be married to Atrocity front man Alexander Krull), and the Eurythmics’ “Here Comes The Rain Again” is another classic that works well in Atrocity’s format. I laughed out loud at the cover of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax,” which is twisted into a techno/metal hoe-down with gruff vocals that would probably scare the hell out of fans of the original dance classic! I only vaguely remember Bronski Beat’s “Smalltown Boy” and I know nothing about several of the other tunes (“Hey Little Girl,” “Keine Heimat,” “Fade To Grey” and “Forever Young,” which is not the Rod Stewart song) so those were all pretty much lost on me, but for most of its running time, I thought WERK 80 II was a hoot and a half. It’s definitely the most bizarre listening experience I’ve had thus far in 2008, and though I bet the majority of Detritus’ readers probably wouldn’t touch this album with a ten foot dildo, those of you who are a little bit adventurous (or have an ironic sense of humor) may find yourselves pleasantly surprised by WERK 80 II, just as I was. (P.S. Extra points for the album cover shot of fetish model Dita von Teese with a hint of nipple showing.)
_________________

"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN

Subject: Re: The Fat Freddy Review Column Fri Jun 13, 2008 5:16 pm

DANTESCO – PAGANO (C-) Cruz Del Sur Music, 2008
11 tracks, RT:
[ http://www.cruzdelsurmusic.com ]
[ http://www.myspace.com/dantescoepico ]

How’s your Spanish? Mine is non-existent, which kinda sucks because this CD is performed almost entirely en Espanol (only the bonus track, “I Came From Hell,” is in English). Anyway, the hype sheet that accompanied PAGANO tells me that Dantesco is Puerto Rico’s “most famous METAL band.” That’s news to me, but then again I wasn’t even aware that there were any metal bands calling Puerto Rico home. During the first spin of PAGANO I wondered if reviewing this CD would be a tough job due to the language barrier, but then quickly came to the conclusion that it probably wouldn’t have made much difference if the band sang in English, because PAGANO was a less than impressive listen either way. Once again I refer to the hype sheet, which claims that Dantesco “plays a distinctive blend of EPIC DOOM METAL… in between CANDLEMASS and MERCYFUL FATE.” I hear way more Candlemass than Fate in Dantesco’s sound, and ordinarily that would suit me just fine, but this is one of those CDs that was ruined for me as soon as the vocalist opened his mouth. The hype sheet describes frontman Erico La Bestia’s vocals as “evocative” and “peculiar,” but what they neglect to mention is that he’s also quite IRRITATING. Seriously, this guy has one of the most ANNOYING singing voices I have heard in a VERY long time. Throughout this CD he’s either warbling away like he thinks he’s starring in a low-budget opera, or he’s screeching like he has a throat full of sand. If the late Luciano Pavarotti and Chris Boltendahl of Grave Digger had a baby, its singing voice would probably sound something like this. That’s a damn shame because musically, Dantesco certainly sound like they’ve got their you-know-what together (at least what little of it I can hear underneath that guy’s caterwauling.) The band gets to shine a bit during the instrumental breaks and they show some neat, chugging chops on tracks like “La Ultima Visita De Grendel” or “Su Sangre Es Mia,” but any momentum they may have is killed as soon as La Bestia comes back to the microphone, which made it quite a chore to get through this CD even once. In the end, I was pretty bummed by my reaction to PAGANO, because on paper they sounded quite promising. It’s not that I don’t like this style of metal, and it’s not the language, it simply comes down to the fact that these guys REALLY need to replace their vocalist as quickly as possible if they want to make any sort of headway outside of their island home.
_________________

"Trends may come and go, but music that makes you feel like there's a speed crazed ferret down yer trousers will always put the bite on you!." -- John Gallagher, RAVEN