Funny Metal Opinions

I was reading Feast or Famine Mag. yesterday (from 1999! Yeah, I've got no life!) and this opinion hit my funny bone:


Hecate Enthroned
Dark Requiems....
Death
10 Tracks 42:50

Ho. Lee. Sh#t. This is so bad. Hecate Enthroned have always been known as bad Cradle of Filth clones, but even that tag doesn't begin to describe how awful they are. On one hand, people should hear this just to know how bad Black metal can be, but on the other hand no one deserves this kind of punishment. Albums like this make me wish the English black metal musicians would start stabbing each other to death and committing suicide. They may never catch up to with the Norwegians, but if only one member of Hecate Enthroned died, it would be worth it.





On my couch! (With Wallace & Grommet on in the background! )

This reviewer is overall very fair, well written and sensible, but can be scathing when a band sucks. Funny stuff...

that's not really a review, but rather an opinion. he doesn't really go into the details of why he thinks it's so bad, or even bother with attempting to describe the album. it's more like he's just trying to be funny.

Hecate Enthroned does suck though.

I remember Metal Maniacs reviewed a CD by the same band some time ago and the critic was equally harsh (and just as hilarious). I'll have to dig around and see if I can find that article. I do remember that he wrote it as a "top ten" style list of reasons not to buy the album, and the last one was "This band's reputation as a third rate Cradle of Filth clone is really quite generous."

Two word review, "Sh*t Sandwich!"

You can't print that...

There's a really funny one that was out there for "Cold Lake" but I can't remember what it was in.

If any of you have ever read the "Grimoire of Exalted Deeds" 'zine, virtually any of the CD reviews they publish would qualify for this thread. I have never seen such merciless bashing and overuse of the word "gay" in all my born days.

I remember when Cannibal Corpse's Gallery Of Suicide came out, the title of the review was I WILL BORE YOU!!!!!!!! took up about a quarter of the page.

Fat Freddy wrote:

If any of you have ever read the "Grimoire of Exalted Deeds" 'zine, virtually any of the CD reviews they publish would qualify for this thread. I have never seen such merciless bashing and overuse of the word "gay" in all my born days.

love that zine. it's how i practice my olde english.

mc666 wrote:

Fat Freddy wrote:

If any of you have ever read the "Grimoire of Exalted Deeds" 'zine, virtually any of the CD reviews they publish would qualify for this thread. I have never seen such merciless bashing and overuse of the word "gay" in all my born days.

love that zine. it's how i practice my olde english.

The half naked girlie pics scattered all over the zine are a nice bonus as well.